True Life Story: All My Desire Is To Feel Alive and Young Again In My Marriage
Hello Lively Stones,
I feel very bad, guilty and dirty for what I have done. I am married…happily married to an extent. My husband is a good man…we have been married for eleven years. The age difference between me and my husband is 5 years, not too much. Our marriage is not perfect, however, we have both tried to make each other happy until about two years ago.
Right now, I am ashamed to say this but for the last two years, we have not really had an active S** life in our marriage. And its not something I can explain. Our S** life has been awesome…at least, I made my husband happy and he made me happy. But around two years ago, my husband suddenly lost interest in S**….whenever we had S**, he would come like under 4 minutes.
This is the same man that used to last hours and make sure I experienced orgasm before he was done. But now, he was always tired and gave up under 5 minutes max. We tried to talk about the problem and he only said to me, he is tired….tired all the time. I got worried and thought he was cheating….I cloned his phone for a month yet I was unable to catch him doing anything that would mean he was cheating.
After a while, I got tired of talking about it and I think I read that as men get older, their S**ual drive go lower while S.e.xual life for women go higher. So, its been a struggle. I tried to make myself happy most times. And since then, we don’t quarrel anymore. Whether we make love or not….I am ok….even though I have strong cravings a lot of times. I just manage myself.
I am a usually happy person. I focus on my job and helping people especially at work. So, there is this guy at my office, his wife passed last year. Its been a rough year for him cos they were married only six months and she died of cancer. I just see him once in a while, ask him how hes doing and just say a few words of encouragement. And then, he was transferred to my unit and we became closer cos sometimes we go home together in my car since he does not have a car.
This guy became more than close cos we gist alot. I even began to feel a bit uncomfortable. I became quite uncomfortable to how close we became to the extent he knew when I started and ended my period cos he was so attentive to how I behave when I am on my period. He knew when I was unhappy and he knew what to say to cheer me up. So I stopped giving him rides, I would like that I am not ready to go at close of work so he does not wait for me. I and my family travelled for vacation during this holiday and when I came back, I noticed this guys was giving me attitude at work. I asked him if everything was ok…he said yes…but I was not just comfortable with his coldness towards me.
So I took it upon myself when we were both alone in the office, to ask him if I offended him. He looked at me and said yes….I asked how…he said…he has feelings for me and he noticed I am avoiding him. I was stunned….I was not expecting the answer. I told I am sorry but I cannot encourage him to pursue those feelings. He said no problem….that we should remain strictly professional to each other.
This became something else….he will not greet me or answer my greeting…our other colleagues started noticing and I was worried. One day, I had to tell him that because I told him I do not want him to pursue those feelings does not mean we cannot be friends. He just blurted out….Ronke…..I cannot be friends with you….I cant….you are hurting me so much. I became a bit emotional and I told him to please focus on finding someone who will love him back cos am married.
This guy walks up to me while I am talking and grabs me by my hands, lands his lips on mine and starts to kiss me and I am so sorry….I kiss him back….this happened right in the office….he got up and went to quickly lock the door before someone comes in and we resumed kissing passionately….my entire senses was out of the window….I just wanted S**….someone was desiring me like I have not been desired for two long years…my heart was beating so fast like a teenager.
All was going so fast and he had succeeded in removing my bra and undies before someone knocked on the door and brought me back to reality. I could not believe what I was just almost doing. I was about to cheat on my husband. I realized I had already been cheating emotionally….I realized I have been fantasying and thinking about this guy for some time….I realized I could not bear not to talk to him or him not to talk to me…I was scared of how I was feeling.
When I got home that night, I snuggled close to my husband to kiss him…to make him want me…to hold me like my colleague did…to squeeze me and make me loose my senses…but my husband just pushed me away and said please woman…let me sleep….I am tired….yet again….my husband’s reaction is always….I AM TIRED!…I got up and went to the visitors room to cry before I slept off.
My husband did not even notice my feelings. Now, I am forced to go to work everyday and spend time with another young man who is desiring me and wanting me….my strength is beginning to fail me. I want this guy badly and he wants me….I am not a S** addict….I am just a woman with blood running through her veins. Would it be so wrong to feel S**y, alive, desired and loved again…I am only 37 years old. I don’t know who to talk to.
More importantly…I don’t know how to act around my colleague….in my head…I have already had S** with him….I have been looking forward to doing alot of wild things with him….that he is even a spontaneous guy….he wants to do something to me even in the office….the danger ….the risk and the excitement is driving me crazy. He keeps teasing me…
When he gets an opportunity, he does something really naughty to me. I am ashamed of saying the things he does but those are the same things I miss from my husband and wish things can go back the same ….instead….my husband is acting like senior man….like his S** desire had retired.
Please help me find my senses again cos I think my common sense is gone….its just a matter of when next the opportunity comes….and it will be too late. I already feel guilty with the dirty thoughts in my head but that does not stop me from thinking more and wanting it more….I need help and advice….
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