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True Life Story: All My Desire Is To Feel Alive and Young Again In My Marriage


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True Life Story: All My Desire Is To Feel Alive and Young Again In My Marriage

Hello Lively Stones,

I feel very bad, guilty and dirty for what I have done. I am married…happily married to an extent. My husband is a good man…we have been married for eleven years. The age difference between me and my husband is 5 years, not too much. Our marriage is not perfect, however, we have both tried to make each other happy until about two years ago.

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Right now, I am ashamed to say this but for the last two years, we have not really had an active S** life in our marriage. And its not something I can explain. Our S** life has been awesome…at least, I made my husband happy and he made me happy. But around two years ago, my husband suddenly lost interest in S**….whenever we had S**, he would come like under 4 minutes.

This is the same man that used to last hours and make sure I experienced orgasm before he was done. But now, he was always tired and gave up under 5 minutes max. We tried to talk about the problem and he only said to me, he is tired….tired all the time. I got worried and thought he was cheating….I cloned his phone for a month yet I was unable to catch him doing anything that would mean he was cheating.

After a while, I got tired of talking about it and I think I read that as men get older, their S**ual drive go lower while S.e.xual life for women go higher. So, its been a struggle. I tried to make myself happy most times. And since then, we don’t quarrel anymore. Whether we make love or not….I am ok….even though I have strong cravings a lot of times. I just manage myself.

I am a usually happy person. I focus on my job and helping people especially at work. So, there is this guy at my office, his wife passed last year. Its been a rough year for him cos they were married only six months and she died of cancer. I just see him once in a while, ask him how hes doing and just say a few words of encouragement. And then, he was transferred to my unit and we became closer cos sometimes we go home together in my car since he does not have a car.

This guy became more than close cos we gist alot. I even began to feel a bit uncomfortable. I became quite uncomfortable to how close we became to the extent he knew when I started and ended my period cos he was so attentive to how I behave when I am on my period. He knew when I was unhappy and he knew what to say to cheer me up. So I stopped giving him rides, I would like that I am not ready to go at close of work so he does not wait for me. I and my family travelled for vacation during this holiday and when I came back, I noticed this guys was giving me attitude at work. I asked him if everything was ok…he said yes…but I was not just comfortable with his coldness towards me.

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So I took it upon myself when we were both alone in the office, to ask him if I offended him. He looked at me and said yes….I asked how…he said…he has feelings for me and he noticed I am avoiding him. I was stunned….I was not expecting the answer. I told I am sorry but I cannot encourage him to pursue those feelings. He said no problem….that we should remain strictly professional to each other.

This became something else….he will not greet me or answer my greeting…our other colleagues started noticing and I was worried. One day, I had to tell him that because I told him I do not want him to pursue those feelings does not mean we cannot be friends. He just blurted out….Ronke…..I cannot be friends with you….I cant….you are hurting me so much. I became a bit emotional and I told him to please focus on finding someone who will love him back cos am married.

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ALSO READ: How Do You Fight For A Marriage When There Is No Desire?

This guy walks up to me while I am talking and grabs me by my hands, lands his lips on mine and starts to kiss me and I am so sorry….I kiss him back….this happened right in the office….he got up and went to quickly lock the door before someone comes in and we resumed kissing passionately….my entire senses was out of the window….I just wanted S**….someone was desiring me like I have not been desired for two long years…my heart was beating so fast like a teenager.

All was going so fast and he had succeeded in removing my bra and undies before someone knocked on the door and brought me back to reality. I could not believe what I was just almost doing. I was about to cheat on my husband. I realized I had already been cheating emotionally….I realized I have been fantasying and thinking about this guy for some time….I realized I could not bear not to talk to him or him not to talk to me…I was scared of how I was feeling.

When I got home that night, I snuggled close to my husband to kiss him…to make him want me…to hold me like my colleague did…to squeeze me and make me loose my senses…but my husband just pushed me away and said please woman…let me sleep….I am tired….yet again….my husband’s reaction is always….I AM TIRED!…I got up and went to the visitors room to cry before I slept off.

My husband did not even notice my feelings. Now, I am forced to go to work everyday and spend time with another young man who is desiring me and wanting me….my strength is beginning to fail me. I want this guy badly and he wants me….I am not a S** addict….I am just a woman with blood running through her veins. Would it be so wrong to feel S**y, alive, desired and loved again…I am only 37 years old. I don’t know who to talk to.

More importantly…I don’t know how to act around my colleague….in my head…I have already had S** with him….I have been looking forward to doing alot of wild things with him….that he is even a spontaneous guy….he wants to do something to me even in the office….the danger ….the risk and the excitement is driving me crazy. He keeps teasing me…

When he gets an opportunity, he does something really naughty to me. I am ashamed of saying the things he does but those are the same things I miss from my husband and wish things can go back the same ….instead….my husband is acting like senior man….like his S** desire had retired.

Please help me find my senses again cos I think my common sense is gone….its just a matter of when next the opportunity comes….and it will be too late. I already feel guilty with the dirty thoughts in my head but that does not stop me from thinking more and wanting it more….I need help and advice….


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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. It’s risky.

    Forget about that guy’s hi and hello. His greeting isn’t attached to your promotion and your husband’s bed functionality.

    You signed up for better for worst.

    Don’t cheat further.

    Pray for your marriage.

    Pay attention to your marriage and job.

    That secondary school hide and seek you are doing won’t pay you.

    You will loose your honour, job, marriage and joy if caught.

    Kill the affection and let the young man go.

    If you do it, you will continue and might get exposed at work. I’m sure you know it won’t end well.

    Apply discipline to your mind and body. See a therapist and probably see a counsellor with your husband.

    Pray and resist the temptation.


  2. u are indeed losing ur senses ,I would talk to u like a friend ,if u date this man who u ain’t married to ,u would definitely enjoy it ,love it and u wouldn’t care if ur husband give u S.e.x or not which might be an advantage to u ,but it is short lived and destructive ,it would ruin u in one way or the other if not now then later ,this is why u should always look ahead in every thing .

    U do not need the new guy he is an opportunist ,how do u take advantage of people ,he is thinking of himself only ,I don’t like people like that

    This is what u would do ,go talk to ur husband about ur increase S.e.xual desire and the desire to want to have S.e.x with him ,tell him how u have been pushed to the wall till the extent of wanting to have S.e.x with a total idiot in ur office ,tell him how much he is suffering u ,no body has any right to derive their spouses of S.e.x ,it is already cheating .

    If he doesn’t still change ,I would advice that u probably try something else ,this might sound strange but talk to ur husband about how he feels about u using S.e.x toys ,yes there is a company somewhere in Nigeria where husband don’t get to see their wife’s for six or seven months or 1 year but often time there is something both the husband and the wife has agree would be like a substitute in case passion for S.e.x increase and it is fine .

    To me ,if ur husband would allow which I doubt ,he should allow u use S.e.x toys ,as far as ur husband agrees to it then it is not cheating but it is worst than having another man’s penis in ur vagina , please u don’t need to start up this passion it is a downward path to destruction .

    His absence from S.e.x could be many reasons maybe because he is tired of the usual S.e.x style ,I think u guys need to be creative in ur bed room and try new and exciting style ,try to find out the reason behind his lack of interest ,it could be he is pursuing a contract or something ,and sometimes it could be that he is finding it difficult to solve a particular problem

    And u need to increase the way u seduce him ,try to wear more revealing clothes , lingerie and things that exposing ur S.e.xual weapons when u guys are in the bedroom , anything that would make him get in the mood without u saying it ,

    Seduction is an act and if used properly would get ur husband .

    And again watch what u are given him in pertaining to food ,there are some food that kills S.e.x drives and some increase S.e.x drives ,try to check Google for more information ,so u can know what diet would fit into what u desire from ur husband

    But don’t have S.e.x with this idiot stranger he wants to get under ur pants and when he does he would start to blackmail u ,u would end up worst than then u met him .

  3. Please do Everything in your power not to sleep with the guy in your office, you might be surprised that he is also sleeping with another girl in that same office. Try and get very busy with doing something that’ll take your mind of the obsession of having S.e.x with the guy. Have a heart to heart conversation with your husband, I will suggest you both go somewhere outside your home for the weekend, a different territory. Discuss openly with him and try to find out what the problem is? You never know he might be facing some kind of challenges at work or something. Tell him exactly how you feel and how the whole situation is making you feel. Also change his diet, research on healthy foods and fruits that will help boost his libido and make him relax. Find out if it’s your fault also for his sudden change. With patience and prayers things will return back to normal. Please dont ever sleep with that guy cos the moment you do so you have lost the battle.

  4. I won’t say much but you see that sin of adultery running through your mind will not land you into problem and regret,you better say a good and louder amen.

    Instead of you to think of ways to help your darling husband who is not cheating on you on how to proffer or get solution,you are thinking of sleeping with your colleague who should still be mourning his wife, just dey play,dey play ooooo .

    Becareful with that guy, know your limits,set boundaries,dey your dey and maintain your champion,dey your lane as a married woman that you are.

    Don’t allow the devil to play a fast one on you,you want to do something you would regret later. I cover your kpekus with the blood of Jesus,it is for your husband alone.

  5. It’s funny how people know how to not commit adultery but they will rather lie to themselves and want people to stylishly tell them to do it as with since your husband is not available, the other guy loves you bla bla bla.

    Sister, you know what to do and what not to do.

    Stop acting like you are in a cage, you are not in a cage, you are just making excuses for this evil.



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