HomeAdviceTrue Life Story: Are These Red Flags In My Relationship Or What?

True Life Story: Are These Red Flags In My Relationship Or What?


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True Life Story: Are These Red Flags In My Relationship Or What?

Hello madam Lively Stones,

I am a confused young lady of 23 years. I am schooling in Uni Abuja. I am in a relationship with a man of 32 years old. We met through my elder sister, he is one of her biggest clients, he has money and he is very handsome. He started chatting with me a year ago and I like him alot too. He has told my sister that he will soon come and do introduction to my family.

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Like I said, I like him alot but there are some issues that are kind of bothering me but he says I should not worry about them. Some of the things are: one time I went to visit him, he did not have food, so I went to the market to buy food stuff to cook, its not like he asked me to cook…I did it by myself. After cooking, I was a bit tired, so I rested a bit. When I was resting, he came back and got very angry, that how can I cook, eat and not wash plates immediately.

ALSO READ: True Life Story: Their Marriage Has Been Over For Years But I Slept With My Friend’s Husband

I was like I am tired…I will do it later, that in my house, we wash plates when everyone has finished eating. I have younger ones that wash plates, I have not washed plates in years. All these explanation, he did not listen, he just kept shouting, that if he marries me, I cannot be a dirty girl o. That I must wash plates anytime I eat or anyone eats. I asked him if I am coming to be a house maid or plate washer in marriage, I really don’t like washing plates so I told him to get a dish washer and he said, I  should keeping arguing now cos we are not yet married, that marriage will humble me.

Ha…ordinary washing plates, we did not speak to each other for two days. He did not even appreciate that I even cooked…its plate washing he is dwelling on. We reconciled two days later, he apologized for over reacting but I am worried if this a red flag. Another issue is, he tends to get jealous sometimes because I am in Uni. He feels guys are talking to me. He always tells me to let people know that I have a fiancé o. That he will deal with any boy he sees around me.

We laugh about it but I shudder when he asks to see my phone from time to time. When I get upset, he will say sorry, that he is afraid of losing me. Is this not trust issues? Will this be another red flag? I also feel like he wants to own me, like the marriage will be the type that he will be dishing out orders to me. When we argue like lovers too, he will be saying things like : I am too stubborn, that when we get married, marriage will humble me, that he will break my wings.

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Finally, when he found out I am a virgin, he was very happy. He keeps saying things like, he will destroy my vajay on wedding night. That he loves S** and we will be having S** every day of our marriage. Now, during this ASUU strike, I got tired of staying in Abuja so I went home to my parents place in Warri. My cousin was also around. Something happened by mistake.

My parents went for all-night and left me and cousin at home. We stayed late to watch a popular movie on Netflix. It had some intense erotic scenes. My cousin had an erection during and immediately after the movies, as I went to bed, he came and began to make out with me….I tried to fight him back, but he kept pleading that he will not do anything, he justs wants to kiss me, that he is so hard and its paining him. That if he kisses me, it will help him calm down.

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ALSO READ:True Story: Help! Am Having Erection For My Cousin Sis.

I allowed him to kiss me and I responded a little cos he was a very good kisser…next thing, he started trying to thrust and I started crying and begging him to stop that my fiancé will not like that I am not a virgin. He finally stopped but I had a small bruise. He did not go all the way through. My cousin apologized and begged me a lot. Its not his fault…the movie was very sensual, even me…I admit anyone will be horny from watching it.

Since then, I have been wondering if I am still a virgin. I did not bleed but got a small bruise. My cousin did not really penetrate but I am still afraid. He told me I should not worry that I am still a virgin cos he did not fully penetrate. Should I tell my fiancé? I do not want to keep any secret from him but will he be angry and cancel the marriage if he thinks I am no longer a virgin? Its not something I planned but if I am no longer a virgin, does that mean he only wants me because I am a virgin?

All these are the red flags in my relationship. What should I do? Should I walk away or regard it as not serious? Please advise me.

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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Please don’t tell him about it, you are still a virgin.

    For the red flags,I feel he is just joking with you about you being humbled in marriage,but my sister if you feel you are not comfortable with it biko tell him about these red flags,tell him oooo and if he doesn’t change,please take a quick work.

    God bless you

  2. Hello,
    My views may not be the traditional view but while Zion ladies (if you are a Christian) should learn to cook, clean , take care of their home and work, (ladies now work full time and support in finances, in some homes in less, equal or greater proportions depending on who earns higher ( although, regardless a ‘husband’ should be respected )) but men especially if you live in countries where having domestics is a luxury or the couple prefers to do all their work themselves should also contribute to doing something in their home. It may not be in equal proportion but surely they can eg. run some errands, empty dustbin etc. whatever works between a couple but they can do something. A wife is not a slave to work round the clock.

    A loving spouse to be should not come shouting at you when you are sleeping, it causes headache . Please talk about these, if someone loves you they should be understanding. As a wife you ideally cook, clean etc but you are not a Cook or Cleaner. Please don’t be rude about it but let him also know that a loving relationship means both parties work together and can accommodate people being tired , it’s not a military barracks. What happens if you have a big family, your job makes you return late daily and you have no help?

    Although the age gap between you both is quite much, he should not domineer over you, but treat you as one in a loving relationship where your feelings matter, of course you will also try to do things where you can the way he wants it.

    You are not married to him yet, so talk about it now, see if he change, watch, pray and if he remains controlling and shouts at you, check if you want to remain. You don’t need to be cooking in his house, you are not married, he can visit your family home and eat a meal or you can both go out and eat a meal. Shah you marry, you resume cooking.

    From the way you described him, there is no need to talk about the incidence with your cousin. Pls keep yourself pure, don’t allow yourself in compromising situations until you are married with your spouse.

    All the best

  3. Do you really need advice? Seems to me you already know what you’re getting into. You called it what it is already. (Red flags)

    There are requirements you will have to fulfil within yourself, that’ll determine how well you can cope with such a man. If not, it’ll not be pretty.

    And why are you making silly excuse for yourself and your cousin? There is no reason why you both should act in such manner and if your mind isn’t strong enough why watch a S.e.x scene at all? Next time it may not be your cousin, are you saying anyone can get through your pant just because you watched a movie?

    Please work on yourself first, you need a lot of personal growth and grooming to do or marriage to this kind of man go hard o. Might as well just walk away now because he doesn’t seem like the patient type that’ll help you through your growing process, he just wants a woman he can bend and break. No wonder he chose that age difference.

    Wheww your choice!


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