True Life Story: Are These Red Flags In My Relationship Or What?
Hello madam Lively Stones,
I am a confused young lady of 23 years. I am schooling in Uni Abuja. I am in a relationship with a man of 32 years old. We met through my elder sister, he is one of her biggest clients, he has money and he is very handsome. He started chatting with me a year ago and I like him alot too. He has told my sister that he will soon come and do introduction to my family.
Like I said, I like him alot but there are some issues that are kind of bothering me but he says I should not worry about them. Some of the things are: one time I went to visit him, he did not have food, so I went to the market to buy food stuff to cook, its not like he asked me to cook…I did it by myself. After cooking, I was a bit tired, so I rested a bit. When I was resting, he came back and got very angry, that how can I cook, eat and not wash plates immediately.
I was like I am tired…I will do it later, that in my house, we wash plates when everyone has finished eating. I have younger ones that wash plates, I have not washed plates in years. All these explanation, he did not listen, he just kept shouting, that if he marries me, I cannot be a dirty girl o. That I must wash plates anytime I eat or anyone eats. I asked him if I am coming to be a house maid or plate washer in marriage, I really don’t like washing plates so I told him to get a dish washer and he said, I should keeping arguing now cos we are not yet married, that marriage will humble me.
Ha…ordinary washing plates, we did not speak to each other for two days. He did not even appreciate that I even cooked…its plate washing he is dwelling on. We reconciled two days later, he apologized for over reacting but I am worried if this a red flag. Another issue is, he tends to get jealous sometimes because I am in Uni. He feels guys are talking to me. He always tells me to let people know that I have a fiancé o. That he will deal with any boy he sees around me.
We laugh about it but I shudder when he asks to see my phone from time to time. When I get upset, he will say sorry, that he is afraid of losing me. Is this not trust issues? Will this be another red flag? I also feel like he wants to own me, like the marriage will be the type that he will be dishing out orders to me. When we argue like lovers too, he will be saying things like : I am too stubborn, that when we get married, marriage will humble me, that he will break my wings.
Finally, when he found out I am a virgin, he was very happy. He keeps saying things like, he will destroy my vajay on wedding night. That he loves S** and we will be having S** every day of our marriage. Now, during this ASUU strike, I got tired of staying in Abuja so I went home to my parents place in Warri. My cousin was also around. Something happened by mistake.
My parents went for all-night and left me and cousin at home. We stayed late to watch a popular movie on Netflix. It had some intense erotic scenes. My cousin had an erection during and immediately after the movies, as I went to bed, he came and began to make out with me….I tried to fight him back, but he kept pleading that he will not do anything, he justs wants to kiss me, that he is so hard and its paining him. That if he kisses me, it will help him calm down.
I allowed him to kiss me and I responded a little cos he was a very good kisser…next thing, he started trying to thrust and I started crying and begging him to stop that my fiancé will not like that I am not a virgin. He finally stopped but I had a small bruise. He did not go all the way through. My cousin apologized and begged me a lot. Its not his fault…the movie was very sensual, even me…I admit anyone will be horny from watching it.
Since then, I have been wondering if I am still a virgin. I did not bleed but got a small bruise. My cousin did not really penetrate but I am still afraid. He told me I should not worry that I am still a virgin cos he did not fully penetrate. Should I tell my fiancé? I do not want to keep any secret from him but will he be angry and cancel the marriage if he thinks I am no longer a virgin? Its not something I planned but if I am no longer a virgin, does that mean he only wants me because I am a virgin?
All these are the red flags in my relationship. What should I do? Should I walk away or regard it as not serious? Please advise me.
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