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True Life Story: Become A Second Wife Or Remain In A Marriage Prison

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True Life Story: Become A Second Wife Or Remain In A Marriage Prison

Dear Lively Stones,

My marriage is in a mess right now. I need advise before I walk out finally. I think I can admit that this marriage of almost one year is a terrible mistake. I met my husband two years ago. He seemed nice, decent and respectful. At the time, he was working with a private company and the pay was somehow ok. Not the kind of pay that make someone feel comfortable but the plan was for him to find another job, with mine, things will be better.

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As God would have it, he got another job and with that, we were able to start planning a future. When I met my husband, I wanted us to be honest with each other so I told him about my past and he also told me about his. So, he was aware that I was engaged to be married to my ex but my ex travelled abroad and married a foreigner to get paper. My ex still wanted to marry me but he wanted me to be his Nigerian wife unknown to his European wife. I did not agree.

After almost 5 years of dating and engagement, I broke up with him. Till today, my ex still begs for me forgiveness, that I should have been patient. That things are beginning to look better, soon he will get his permanent paper stay and we can still be married. But I have always told him to move on, cos I am married now and I do not want to be second class wife…I want to be his one and only wife.

In my marriage…my husband told me about his many girlfriends but failed to reveal that one of his ex was a ‘supposed’ cousin of his. This cousin of his, I have met her. They are not really cousins by blood. But her mother grew up together and so their children call each other cousins. I noticed how close this cousin is to my husband. Everyone knew they were close so I was not bothered.

However, I used to notice that they chat alot and he can spend hours on the call with her. Then, my husband lost his job due to his inability to meet his targets after 3 months. While he was at home looking for another job, this so called cousin will come around and be gisting with him. Before long, she moved in without asking me. When I asked, my husband said her accommodation is under renovation, so she needs to stay with us for a week until the renovation was complete.

Honestly, that did not go down well with me but I endured it. I did not want to be seen as someone who does not want his family around. But this cousin was a bad bitch. She would sleep all day. Watch movies with my husband all day while I went to work. I would cook and she and hubby would eat and still leave plates for me to wash…I did not want to believe this.

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That was when I told her to start washing her dishes or do not eat my food. She reacted in a strange way…that I cannot order her around…that she in her brother’s house and until I give birth, my place in the house is not yet solidified. When I told hubby, he was like…I should stop making trouble and learn to accept her the way she is.

All these continued until my sister in-law found out. That one does not really jell with the cousin. She was like, why will I allow her stay with us? That its no secret that the cousin and her brother like each other. Some rumor has it that they have slept with each other before. With that, I confronted my husband and he was like, how can anyone think he can have s3x with his cousin, that its unthinkable.

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Well, I needed to know for a fact if there was something going on. I had to start planning to catch them. I would leave my phone recording in the room and leave them to go and sleep. I did not catch them doing anything. I did that for almost one week, I did not find out anything and I almost concluded all was well until the last time I did.

So I woke up around 1am which is strange…I think God woke me up. I saw my husband was not sleeping beside me…I tipped toed outside my room and went to the room where I left my phone recording in the dinning. All was quiet except the guest room where cousin used to sleep. The door was locked. So, I began to bank the door…shouting and telling her to open.

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Of course, she could not open it…my husband was inside with her…I banged for almost an hour before my husband opened the door and came out…he didn’t even speak to me but I attacked the cousin and we fought until hubby came to separate us. I packed my stuff and was ready to leave. Since hubby has refused to send her away but was f*cking her in our home, that means, I am no longer needed. I tried to leave but hubby blocked me…

I had to threaten to call our families before he agreed and said she would leave in the morning. In the morning….cousin left o. She didn’t take all her things but I packed them inside nylon bags and kept them outside for her. This matter made things bad for our marriage. I could not bring myself to forgive my husband because he hurt me so much…I had lost trust in him.

Despite all, hubby refused to admit any remorse…he said I never caught him doing anything…that he only went to her room to gist and they did not want me to get any ideas that is why they locked the door. …lol…so they think me I was just born yesterday to believe such a stupid lie? This made my really open my eyes to realize that this my husband is not as he said he is.

I began to notice the long time he spends on his phone rather than talk to me. No doubt, what ever is keeping him on his phone for hours into the night was definitely giving him joy. We quarreled alot. Next thing, he began to call me nagging and that he is tired of the marriage so I should come and be going. That since we got married, its back luck always happening because he lost his job and we are both not happy with each other because of the cheating with his cousin.

In the midst of this, my ex in Europe sent me and my younger siblings some money because before we broke up, my family contributed in sending him abroad and he promised to settle us all when he makes it. He sent us all almost four thousand dollars, some iphones and laptops. When my brother brought my laptop to our house, in the spirit of being honest to my husband even though he was not being honest, I told him about the money and the things my ex sent us.

My husband got really mad and asked me to return the money and gifts. Before I could say jack, he smashed the laptop with a pestle. I quickly took the phone and hide it. My husband beat me up trying to seize the phone from me. He kept asking me to leave his house if I do not return the money and items in seven days. The beating he gave me caused me to fall sick. I went to the hospital for treatment.

In the course of the treatment, I was told to run a pregnancy test and a day later, it was confirmed that I am pregnant. I have been looking forward to this pregnancy since I got married but right now, its the saddest news I have ever gotten. How can I bring a child into this kind of marriage? An abusive marriage? No love,…no trust….I am reading other peoples stories and seeing that they refused to leave their marriage because of the children.

Me, I cannot come and lock down myself inside this life prison because of my child. I want to abort this child. Just thinking of abortion makes me cry so much. I have been crying for 3 days now.  I am so sad and confused. My husband does not deserve to know about this pregnancy…he may pretend to change now but in almost ten months of marriage,  I have been through hell…I married a monster. There is nothing sweet about this marriage. This man already even told me to move out of his house several times…and I have started planning to. My plan was to go home in December and not return.

Now, with this pregnancy….I do not know how to move forward….should I have an abortion, so I can terminate anything that will keep me tied to him or should I keep the pregnancy and still leave him cos nothing will make me stay in this marriage…except this man writes an undertaken never to cheat or beat me again.  And I know he will never do that cos he never admits he is ever wrong.

With this beating, my family have agreed that the marriage should be dissolved. They are even saying, let is end this marriage so I can go back to my ex since he is still interested in me after sending us all that money and stuff. Is it not better to be my ex Nigerian wife where I will be enjoying all the fruits of my labor that I invested in to send him abroad than to be cheated on by a man who does not provide for me yet cheats and beats me?

Or maybe I should just leave with the baby and remain a single mother…this scares me alot. If my ex finds out, he may no longer be interested in me and I know it wont be easy to be a single mother plus having a child for this man will constantly mean he will be in my life whether or not we are still married. Him and his family may even take the child from me cos that is how they are. This man really disgusts me. Please advise me on what to do.

Anonymous

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Jzhane
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

3 COMMENTS

  1. To be truthful,you cannot stay in that abusive marriage,it is very dangerous ,risky and alarming.

    Your husband doesn’t love you anymore,he is mean and wicked.

    If your Ex is still interested in you,I mean you dated him for 5years and you know him better than this your yeye husband that is without shame.

    If the baby is not upto one month,I would advice you get rid of it and leave that marriage for good,you might even loose that child due to constant abuse, beating and torturing if you choose to remain in that marriage.

    I would advice you get rid of it,there is no point bringing a child into a loveless,careless,and destructive marriage,a marriage that your husband cares less about your well-being.

    Get rid of it and marry your ex,that is,if your Ex still loves you.

    God bless you.

    Note– married people also go for abortion once they don’t want the baby or if the family planning they are using disappoints.

    God bless you

  2. In my opinion,i say u get rid of that pregnancy n move with ur life,so that u don’t end up dying becos of a loveless marriage,get rid of the pregnancy, recover, reboot n start again with fresh memories.
    Cheers.

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