True Life Story: Dating A Single Mother With A Spoilt Child-Please Advise Me
Hello Lively Stones,
Please I need advise. I have been dating this young lady, we met on Facebook and we got talking. She is from a well to do home. Her parents are top government officials. This lady is very brilliant, soft spoken and her personality is so beautiful. I instantly felt drawn to her because she does not even behave like someone from a wealthy home. After chatting for a while, I told her I liked her and wanted us to take the relationship serious.
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That was when she told me that she has a son. That she got pregnant for one of her father’s associates who is a wealthy guy but they are not together. She told me her son is her everything and she wants a man who would accept him as his own when she gets married. At first, I was taken aback cos I am a young man and never really considered dating someone with a child. But this lady is just too amazing, I decided to accept her and her kid.
So we have been dating and things are looking good. Her family are all amazing but the only problem is her kid, her son with the wealthy guy. The boy is spoilt and does not like me. He is five years old. He feels that I want to replace his dad and he wants his dad and mom to be together. So every time am around, he becomes uncontrollable. He cries at everything I try to do. His mother is surprised because they all say he is a good kid and very friendly and respectful to everyone.
So its surprising that the little guy throws a tantrum around me. He does not speak to me except he wants to shout at me. When I try to talk to him calmly, he screams and says, do not talk to me, you are not my dad. I have tried to bribe him with gifts and toys but he refuses, always saying his dad got him better ones already. He also does not let me near his mom, he starts clinging around her when am around.
I have spoken to my girl, that her son needs boundaries and she says its me who needs to understand children and find a way to win her son. That the guy will come to love me eventually. But its almost a year we been together, yet, the son still does not like me. I love my girl so much. I can’t wait to marry her but I am having a very difficult time cracking this young dude. Now, this bad boy even lied that I hit him when I only just tried to play with him.
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I really want to propose to my girl but this is one major issue but people are telling me, all will be fine but its really bothering me. Maybe I am not cut out to be patient with another person’s kid….or is it really my inexperience with kids?
Please do you have any tips on how to win her son or is this a red flag that I should proceed no further with this relationship even though I love his mom so much?
Anonymous
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Dear poster,
I have experiences with children but I’m shocked a 5years old is like this according to your account.
However, a lot of things could be involved ranging from 1) the child’s father influence and what he feeds the little boy whenever they see.
2) The child has a knowledge of an unbelievable secrets probably from 2 adults discussion e.t.c which could make him resent a different father figure e.t.c
Now, think about yourself.
Can you keep up with trying to please another person’s child?
Can your status compete with that of your girl’s ex ?
Dear poster,that boy obviously doesn’t like you but I’m also surprised at how a child of five years will suddenly not like an adult who happens to be his mother’s friend…. Is he that mature to differentiate better likeness and hate…..
Anyways,you need to leave the woman alone,you know why,he will always come in between the both of you,he will always be around his mum,he will always be clingy to his mum ….
You need to think well if you really want to be with a single mum, it’s already a year and the boy seems not to like you ,so you know what that means…..
…..Be sure you’re not going into that marriage because of the financial benefits and wealth of her parents,be sure of what you really want,be specific dear poster ……
Peace
Hmm, boys n their mothers? It’s gonna be very difficult to find a place in between them, i have had such an experience mine was a girl with her father,my dear it was very hard to come in the middle,i had to give way for my peace of mind
My ex was a good man,but his daughter stood in the way, n his family supported her n their Son, so i had to take a walk for my peace of mind
So try if u think u can,if not just think about it, so that u regret it in the future.
@~ TopChop,
Calling the actions of this child as “just children tantrums and believing he will come around”* might be a grave mistake..
Some children are born with the BEHAVIOUR, MINDSET and KNOWLEDGE of ELDERS.
Sometimes you just want to wonder if they are a reincarnate of an older and dead person… the behaviour of this child speaks it.
If after one year this child has not come to like you despite you trying to raise a conversation with him, buying gifts and trying to be nice, then HE WILL NOT LIKE YOU EVEN IN THE FUTURE.
You rarely find boys attached to their fathers, but if you find one, be sure that he will SPOIL anything that threatens his father’s place and position if he can…
And in this case, HE CAN because the mother is the ‘enabler’ haven told you before hand that “her son is her everything”.
This means that despite all the damage he is doing to you and the relationship, she will gladly still sacrifice you for him to be OK and happy.
So, where does this leave you in the near future?
This child does not see you as being worthy of replacing his Dad any time soon or ever…
“Do not talk to me, you are not my Dad and refusing your gifts saying “his Dad got him better once” simply goes to buttress my point…
You should know by now that not every NON PRESENT FATHER is a bad or irresponsible man.
Life and circumstances might have made his Dad tow the peaceful part of leaving the Mother for peace to reign and for the good of the child especially when it becomes too toxic and the centre can no longer hold again. Pressure from the girls RICH family might have also made the man take the quiet exit route..
By the time you get married into some family despite their wealth or calm nature, you will understand why the person before you left…
Some men despite NOT being physically present in the life of their children, have already RAISED the BAR so HIGH for any man to take their place in the heart of those children…
It will surprise you to know that children at 3 already know more than you think they know in the family…
They see how both of you treat yourselves and if a breakup happens, they will already know who is at fault despite not being able to say, help or do anything. And when they are of age, their actions will show that they know the truth about what people have been hiding from them.
In this case, this child might know that his father is not really the bad person or the problem. The problem might even be grandma or grandpas over bearing attitude. WHO KNOWS? ♂️
You might at this point not even know the TRUE story and HISTORY behind the family or the marriage…
Like @~Marylyn said, you need to leave the woman and save yourself stress, time and effort for a better course…
Except the child is away from it all, there is no future for you in this relationship rather it will get worse as the boy grows older…
You cannot withstand the WEIGHT of his father..
NO DO PASS YOURSELF…
This might not be what you want to hear, but this is the TRUTH.
©️ CRÉVÉ.
Dear Poster,
I feel like the mother of this little boy has to rein in her son
He’s 5 and too young to determine who she marries
Something is just off
Someone is feeding some unhealthy conversations to this little boy
If all poster said is true… He has tried.. Let the mom try too
She’s not going to marry her son
What she needs is to sit the boy down and talk to him
Poster also needs to accept the boy… Whether he’s good or bad… It’s a double package he’s marrying
You can’t love a single mother without loving her kids…. Good or bad as they may be
So patience… Pray about it… And keep loving the boy and his mom
If the boy changes…great… If he does not change… Love him all the same
But… Watch out…. Hope poster is not exaggerating?
Cos sometimes… If you have never had experience with kids… They can be annoying…
So if poster is not making efforts like he claims…. Mom should run
But if poster ia truly making an effort… Let love lead the relationship
Finally… If mom chooses son over poster… Poster should not force it
If he cannot admit that he will always be second place to the boy…then it’s better to end the relationship
Single mothers and their boy sons are very close
Think it about it wisely
It could work but it will require compromises
If poster and his girlfriend cannot compromise… They better take a walk.
Cheers
Dear poster It can be challenging to navigate a situation like this, especially when there’s a child involved. It’s great that you’re aware of the dynamics and willing to make an effort to improve the situation
Let her son know that you understand it’s hard for him to accept you, and it’s okay to feel that way.
Avoid comparing yourself or your gifts to his father. Instead, focus on building a unique connection with you .
Show interest in his life_: Ask him about his interests, hobbies, and passions. Listen actively and find ways to support him.
Don’t force interaction or try to be overly friendly if he’s not receptive. Give him space when needed.
Building trust takes time. Consistently show up, be patient, and let him see that you’re a positive influence in his mother’s life.
Keep your girlfriend informed about your efforts and feelings. Work together to find ways to support her son.
Try to find activities or hobbies that you both enjoy. This can help create positive interactions and memories.
If the situation persists, consider having a mediated conversation with her son, facilitated by a trusted friend, family member, or counselor.
Let him know that you care about his well-being and are there to support him, even if he doesn’t immediately accept you.
Acknowledge and celebrate small moments of connection or progress, even if it seems insignificant.
Remember that winning his heart takes time, effort, and understanding. Focus on building a genuine connection, and with patience and consistency, you may find that he begins to accept and even appreciate you. Best wishes
Bro, leave her alone and move on. You are so needy for her,its too evident. Trust me, you will regret it, she may still be sleeping with her baby daddy and will cover her tracks.
I don’t know why men act like they can’t do without women, I just don’t get it. No need for much words, leaver her and her kid and keep it moving.
You are warned.