True Life Story: Do I Need My Wife’s Permission To Take A Second Wife?
Good day Lively Stones,
I plead for highest anonymity in this case please. It is a very sensitive matter and I do not want the person involved to be exposed but I need clarity on what to do now please. This is a very deep situation for me. For years, I pretended to be happy in my marriage but I was not because I was in love with someone else who is not my wife. So, for better understanding, let me try to start from the beginning of the matter. So, about 11 years ago, I was working in a company when I met Ugonma (not real name).
Ugonma came in that day to submit her CV cos she read an advert that the company where I was working at the time was employing. It was love at first sight. Her beauty blew my mind away. Then, when she spoke…I was mesmerized. Wow…I knew I had to get close to her. I was also part of her interview and I made sure she got the job.
That was when my friendship with Ugonma started. Unfortunately though, Ugo was engaged at the time. I was so disappointed but I did not give up. I tried my best to be a very good friend to her but every time, all she talked about was her fiancé. She invited me for their wedding about 5 months later…I could not attend. I cried in my house that day. I was sad for almost one week.
Despite all I did to show her how I felt…she still went ahead with her guy. I did not tell her though about my feelings…I was just a very great friend to her…I though if she saw how much I loved her…she would pick me. So, we did things together, went out for lunch, movies, I picked and dropped her many times….I helped her even prepare for another higher paying job which she got.
We were very good…we gisted…she told me her secrets. Even when she fought with her fiancé…she would come to me but I never had the liver to tell her how I felt. After she got married….I decided to leave the country to try and forget her. So, I went abroad to do my masters degree. That I did for 2 years….I stalked Ugonma on social media…silently though.
When she posted pictures of her family on SM….my heart broke the more. Well, after my masters, I got a multinational job back in Naija. I tried to stay focused and find another girl to take my mind off Ugonma. That was how I met and married my wife. I married my wife who is a good woman but the love I have for her is different from what I have for Ugonma.
Then around 2019, Ugonma started having issues with her husband. As much as possible, she did not tell me at the beginning until last year. I just checked in on her and we chatted for a little bit. From our chat, I found out that got a contract that I once bided for. Ugonma is well driven and very intelligent. One of the many things I like about her. I congratulated her on the contract and told her I once bided for the same contract.
Ugonma was excited…she said she wished I also got the same kind of contract, so we can both work together again like in those days when we used to work in the same company. I do not know when I blurted out this: I told her I cannot work with her cos I am in love with her…that I cannot bear to see her close to me without wanting her.
Ugonma laughed…maybe she thought I was joking around. Me too, I laughed when she did not quite catch the drift. We let the matter die. But in 2020, Ugonma and her husband stopped sleeping together. She did not tell me all these. Until last month…she reached out to me and asked me about the day I blurted out that I cannot work with her because I am in love with her.
This time…she asked me if that was true….I told her yes. I then went to tell her how I felt about since 2011. She kept quiet and said she never knew and she feels if I had spoken up about my feelings from day 1, she would not have married her husband. She went on to tell me how the marriage had been a one sided one. That since they got married…she’s been the one footing the family bills which she did not mind but she started getting worried when he did not show her love after a while…
According to her….she does not get any form of appreciation or encouragement. He cheated on her severally….but the height of it was ….he stopped sleeping with her since 2020. So, she is tired …she is still young, under 40…she is 36 years. She does not want to continue in this marriage where there is no love or s3x. She said the husband has told her when she is tired…she can file for a divorce.
I was so sad to hear this. Cos Ugonma by all counts is very beautiful and intelligent…I do not know any man that would not want to sleep with her. She is fine…s3xy….hot woman. Just thinking of her now even makes me think some crazy thoughts. I regretted not speaking up earlier about how I feel about her. Now, since that time, Ugonma and I have been having an emotional affair.
I say emotional affair cos we have done everything we can except physically have s3x. Ugonma has always wanted us to meet but I know if we do…I will not be able to hold myself.
So why do I still want to hold myself despite the fact that my body and soul wants this woman…it is because we are both thinking about my wife. Yes, my wife is a good mother to our son but I do not love her. I married her cos I had…not because I was in love. Ugonma too does not want to hurt my wife….she is a very thoughtful soul. But now my true love is back…we have intimate moments on phone…she sends me nudes…I pleasure myself to her nudes…I am loosing my mind thinking about her.
Now…even though I am not a religious man or Muslim…I think the only way to solve this problem is by taking Ugonma as a second wife. My wife might not like it but it’s the best…so it won’t look like I discarded her cos of Ugonma. Ugonma is fine with this decision…it’s my wife I don’t know how to break the decision to her…but I am already cheating with her as it is …I do not want to loose Ugonma a second time
I know Ugonma…she is a soft hearted person…always thinking of the needs of others before her own needs. If her husband starts to show a change of attitude…she will follow him again. That is why she has been in a s3xless and loveless marriage for years. That man is a big fool…he does not know what he has….why will a man deny his lovely and s3xy wife s3x or any emotional needs? So I need to make Ugonma mine quickly.
Please help me…advice me…how do I break this to my wife…how do I convince her…that it’s in our what interest…maybe I should settle her financially…will that work…like how much money would be enough for compensation to my wife? The fact that I have been in a marriage with her but my heart has always been with another woman is also not fair on her and my kid.
Someone I spoke to said, there is no need to tell my wife…that she does not need to know….another person said…I do not need any permission to marry a second wife as long as I can take care of both women. So, should I tell my wife or not….should I ask her permission…she may never agree to it…infact, she will not…does that mean I should not bother telling her? I just don’t want to behave irresponsibly .
You see, for the first time in my life….I feel alive…in love and so happy…I can’t let that go again….I need to act fast and I need your help. (I hope we can all be adults about this ..I don’t need any insults from the readers…I just need advice). I am trying to do the right thing for my wife and myself. Polygamy is not what I planned but it seems like the only way out now. I feel like the vacuum I have felt for almost 13 years is about to be closed but if I miss my chance now….I may never find that true happiness for the rest of my life.
Please advise me….should I file for a divorce from my wife or ask her if I can take Ugonma as a second wife with her blessing? Divorce or second wife….which is our best option?
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