True Life Story: Has God Visited My Iniquities Upon My Children?
Hello Lively Stones,
This story belongs to a childhood friend of mine. Please post.
My name is Tunde (not real name). The issue bothering me is deep and dark. I have hidden this secret from everyone but I am going to be 50 years soon and I have recently started developing this urge to make things right before its too late. So, what happened is that, when my wife and I first got married, we had alot of issues. First, we struggled with infertility. And then I blamed my wife for the infertility because she was always working and never had time for the home.
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To try to force my wife to spend time more at home, I went to bring my mother to stay with us. Instead of my wife to take care of her, she went and hired a young girl to take care of my mom. This angered me more, I started sleeping with the girl. Although, the girl was not so innocent cos she was always throwing herself at me, trying to seduce me. Eventually I yielded and started having an affair. My wife never noticed cos she was too busy.
Then miraculously, my wife got pregnant . Unfortunately, the affair with this maid could not stop cos I was already hooked on her. She was something else my wife could not be to me. Strangely, the girl also got pregnant while my wife was pregnant. I knew there was no way I could allow that so I told her to abort it. She refused so I sent her packing one day before my wife could return back from work. Later her people tried to contact me about the pregnancy and I threatened them that I will deal with them if they tried to ‘lie” that I am responsible for the pregnancy.
The family later agreed for a settlement and I paid 500k for them to carry out an abortion and stay away from me. But they later got back to me to say the abortion was unsuccessful. Infact, the girl almost died in the process. The greedy family went to a quack place for the abortion. In the end, they decided to keep the pregnancy a secret as long as I increase the settlement money to 1M. Over the months,I did that. I paid.
Months later, my wife gave birth to our son and this girl gave birth to my other son. The boys are just three weeks apart in age. I never contacted them and they never bothered me again. My wife and I later had a daughter but we noticed as our son grew up, he had some issues and it was later diagnosed that he has Autism. He has difficulties in communication and other social interactions.
As a parent, there is nothing we have not done to help our son live a better life but the pain of seeing our child not being able to behave normally is so frustrating. Life has and will never be normal for our son. As for our daughter, she was beautiful, bright and everything we dreamed off but when she was 12, she was abused by a neighbor we trusted and this was happening and we never knew until it was too late.
Our daughter started failing at school and she could not tell us what the problem was. We thought she was just being lazy with school and we were a bit too hard on her, we sent her to boarding school and that made matters worse. By the time she was 14, she was battling depression. It was a very strange time for us. How do you treat depression? Our daughter was always trying to commit suicide until a therapist was able to help us get it out from her about the abuse she faced.
Unfortunately, the neighbor had moved and there was nothing we could do. We had to home school our child so she would not harm herself. In all these happenings, I felt deep inside me that my children were being punished for my sins. For the fact that I had a girl pregnant and hid it from my wife and that the child was abandoned by me. I struggled for years with all these pain.
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Today, my daughter managed to get into university but she is a complete disappointment to us. She lives wild and does drugs. We feel helpless as her parents. My wife too has become so tired that she just feel so hopeless. We have gone to several prayer houses for our children, nothing came out of it. They are both grown adults and the future is so bleak for them. My children who are supposed to be my fruit of my investments are nothing to write home about.
Sometimes I wonder, if I should connect with my other son, maybe go look for him and ask his mother for forgiveness, maybe God can use that child to make me smile because right now, I have nothing to smile about when it comes to my children. But I am also afraid of hurting my wife…she has been through alot…how will she take it when she finds out that I slept with a maid and impregnated her many years ago? Will she ever forgive me when she finds out I have a healthy son while her children are not ok?
Do you think God is punishing me for my past? Or do you think these misfortunes are completely unrelated? If they are related, what can I do to redeem myself and maybe God will heal my children? Or is it too late?
Please advise me.
Anonymous
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Dear Poster,
What you did is what many men do, but it’s evil, dirty, and inhumane.
You may be right about your sins catching up with you because you do not have any reason to cheat on your wife no matter what.
Your punishment actually started when you concealed the matter and, worst, forced the girl to abort the child and stay away from you.
Yes,the girl taking in at the same as your wife was God’s punishment to you.
Money isn’t everything because you need peace of mind, joy, and blessings from God which money can’t buy.
At this junction, you need to embark on a detective search for the girl and her baby. If you find them, apologize and connect with your son for the purpose of being a good dad and fixing your wrong.
Do not reconnect with the girl for continuation of escapees or compensation of the hurt you did.
Apologize sincerely and be kind but not stupid and careless.
Ask God for forgiveness, give your heart to God and take your place as the priest of your family.
When you find her, inform your wife with your family and hers around especially those she respects. It will hurt but best now than later.
Pray and keep trusting God for your children’s healing and transformation.
Show your daughter love, pray for the salvation of her soul and don’t give up.
Be thankful that she is alive and you still have your wife and son.
Be her succour and let her be yours, too.
May your faith grow for the wholeness of your family.
Dear Poster,
To be honest…
There’s just too much to unpack in this story
Clearly your childhood friend is struggling…
With his current family challenges and past dark secrets
I would say… Start from finding peace within yourself
You need to find God… And let Him help you
First…. Give your life to God
No caps… This is a matter only God can help heal
Then find a family therapist… To help navigate the issues
Bring your wife into it
And it will be both your decision if you want to connect with your son
The foundation of the marriage was broken and you built on a very shaky foundation
Your son needs special care and education…. If you are in Lagos, there are some Autism foundations that can be helpful
As for your daughter… Your alter of prayers everyday will restore her
A parents heartfelt prayers can change destinies
Don’t give up on her
A born again therapist with training in trauma can help coach your daughter
As for your marriage… Come clean to your wife and be ready to take a long walk to forgiveness and starting a fresh if your wife is willing
I pray she is willing
I pray God helps you… he will if you are determined
Above all… Find peace… The devil stole your peace long time ago
Let God fix you before it’s too late
Hmmmm…..though every of our actions have consequences but what about parents with a child who is autistic?
It’s only in Africa we label such things as punishment or label it spiritual. In other parts of the world ,there are centers and NGOs for autism. Most of these Autistic kids are computer genius while are involved in athletics activities.
Having said that , my suggestion is , go search for your son and unite with him but do not make you to criminalise Ur daughter or demonise your son.
Maybe what they need at such a time as this is that love. Genuine love.
My advice
Go and look for the child but confide in a family member if possible from your wife’s family, do the needful but don’t tell your wife for now for the sake of her mental health, not sure she can handle all of this.
Meanwhile let your family know you want to protect your wife from more pain.
Note that God is too loving to be looking for means to punish us, though there are consequences for our actions, but sometimes life just happens and we really can’t explain it. Your children are not punishment from God
I have two closed families with special needs children.
GOD IS THE GOD OF THE GOOD AND THE GOD OF THE BAD HE’S just God
But please give your life to Christ, seek for therapy for you and your wife, commit those children into God’s hands and see him do His wonder
The best way to know how God reacts to certain things is to check his ways and what he says pertaining to some certain things
First does God purnish the sin of the father on the children ,yes he does in the beginning and that’s probably written in the book of exodus 20 he clearly stated he is jealous visiting the iniquities of the fathers upon the children ,then he got to the part where he did said again in exodus 34 ,that even if the father sins he would not visit the sin of the father upon the children ,now we have gotten the fact that God mandate change and he however does not visit the iniquities of the fathers upon the children however ,there are other laws governing earth and his foundation,that’s the law of karma (whatever u sow u reap ),this law is stating that if u sow wickedness u would reap wickedness ,and again in a case of this man he might necessarily not be purnish by God ,he is either
1.reaping the wickedness he showed
2. Under a spell that might have been cast on him by either the house girl or her family
3. Reaping the benefit of being too careless and not available ,responsible enough for his children
This isn’t God ,so many times we blame our negligence as a punishment from God ,meanwhile if we really did our duty duly we wouldn’t be complaining
What do u mean ??
How is it possible that a stranger would be molesting his daughter for weeks ,months and neither did the father or her mother observed it or the daughter as well could not tell their parents ,what does that tell u?
There is no relationship between the man and his daughter ,and it is certain because the communication is poor between them ,no wonder when the poor lad was abused ,there was no one to talk to ,the father was absent ,the mother was a career person ,so she bear the damages alone ,and what he is seeing in his daughter ,is just pure negligence in his part ,he should get angry i said so ,but thats it
If there was a relationship ,the daughter would have hinted at him ,dad this and that happened to me ….
He should blame himself for that ,and what his daughter needs now is love, , the love that was absent in the beginning ,the love that made her seek it in drugs , marijuana etc ,there is a void she’s wanting to fill and that void that only be filled with love ,been available to his daughter and showing her he cares about her ,how much God loves her ,but then can u give what u don’t have ??
Does the man himself have Gods love in him ,so the change starts with him ,if u see children who are healthy ,very trained ,behave well in the society ,
who do u applaud ??
The parent abi , he failed as a father .
And secondly the boy child suffering from autism , I can tell u for free because I have doctor friends ,that autism is a gentic disorder and there could be factors beyond man’s control and can be also man’s influence ,either the woman was on some kind of medication ,or some form of environmental toxicity ,but then u can’t still blame God for it , but then only God can help him and he too needs Ur attention and his mother support
Lastly and finally ,I keep saying that there is no secret that would not be reveal ,if it is not revealed on earth it would be revealed in heaven ,
Which would this man rather want ?
If I were him I would summon the courage and go and apologize to my baby mama outside , because that’s where I could start mending all my errors , apologise to her ,for trying to sell Ur child off , apologise for turning her to a single mother when u have no intention of being there for her child ,make sure u gain apology from her first ist and she is willing to allow u see the child and take responsibility ,before u tell ur wife ,
Because once u can fix the issue with Ur baby mama outside ,it would give u much time to focus on apologizing to Ur wife as well and since she’s living with u ,it’s much easier
And again if he tells his wife and is wife hate him ,what confident does he have that the woman (baby mama ) outsiders would accept him
So start from who is not with u first at least amend that part , because her reaction (ur baby mama ) would help u know how to present the issue to ur wife as well
But don’t start confessing to Ur wife first ,go and make amends with Ur baby mama ( the house girl) mend that bridge ,and do urself a favour and tell Ur wife as well ,it would hurt her too ,but then each has his own part at fault ..
For If she had been a wife and had not pick her career over family ,u might not have found urself in the dilegmatic situation u guys are ??
It’s also a lesson no matter how u love Ur career ,never pick it over Ur family and don’t allow a stranger to do the duty of a parent to Ur children.
Dear poster ,
We all need to be careful of how we live our lives,I hope this true life story has indeed taught us that what goes around definitely comes around….. Karma is always watching…..Just try and reconcile with your other son and his mother….. Who knows? The house assistant must have made a very harsh pronunciation on your life during that period you slept with her and forcefully sent her packing with the intention of aborting the baby,your baby….. It’s well
There is no situation God cannot revive…. Your son is healed and your daughter will be okay…. You need to talk to your wife about this but you need to be diplomatic so it doesn’t destroy your marriage, finding out that you have another child that’s okay will definitely break your wife after so many years of living with you and knowing that the child is even from the house girl can be very devastating at the same time … God abeg no let us use our hand do ourself oooooo
Bro, how are you sure, the two children your wife has for you are yours?
How are you sure the one your former maid has is also for you?
Think deeply about these and GO DO DNA TEST, no time man, go do it quickly. I don’t give me the I trust my wife narrative, don’t be a simp that thinks women don’t cheat, lol.
I repeat go do DNA test for the children and confirm if you are their father.