True Life Story: Help-I Am Scared Of Loosing The Only Man Who Ever Wanted Me
Hello Lively Stones,
I need help… I am 24 years old and I have been very unfortunate in life. I grew up with my mom as a single mother. According to my mother, my father did not claim me because he was already married. She made me believe that he lied to her, she did not know he was married when they were together. So, growing up as a child, my mom moved from one man to the other and I had no permanent father figure in my life.
When I was in secondary school, my mom got married to a divorced man with two sons. This man and his sons abused me S**ually under my mother’s roof. When my mom discovered, I was already in senior secondary school. Instead of her to protect me, she sent me off to boarding school and during the holiday to my grand mother’s place.
It was then that I started developing anger and hatred for my mom. My mom had a son for her husband but they ended separating when I was in second year university. My mom neglected me alot and that made me started looking for my dad. Through the help of my uncle, I traced my dad and visited him in his home in Enugu. My dad said he is not aware of me being alive because when my mom told him she was pregnant, she demanded money from him to have an abortion since he was married.
My dad gave her the money because he did not want his wife to know. That he believed my mom had an abortion. It did not look like my dad wanted me into his family either. He was afraid that his wife will be upset. He begged me to stay away but promised to send me money or anything I needed in life. I was so upset…I did not need his money, I needed his love, I needed a father but he rejected me like my mom did.
Well, I managed to get to final year but then ASSU strike struck and I have been at home since with my grand mother. I get bored living in this lonely town and sometimes, I feel no one wants me, so I have suicidal thoughts. One day, I decided to go and see my mom whether she wanted me or not. I got to her house quite late and she had a male guest with her. she was upset to see me. She started shouting that I should have called her before coming.
I got so upset and shouted at her back for the first time in my life…we almost fought, her male guest had to come in and separate us. the man asked me to leave and go to a hotel. He gave me some money and his card without my mom’s knowledge and I left. I went to a hotel that night and drank myself to stupor. I slept off and woke up feeling like ending my life.
Tears began to fall down my eyes. I called my grandmother but she did not pick, it was too late at night, maybe she was sleeping. The only no I had to call was the male guest at my mom’s house. I called and called him, he did not pick up. Somehow, I slept off. My phone ringing in the morning woke me up. It was the male guest. His name was Jason. As I picked up the phone, I started asking him why my own mother hates me so much.
This guy was a stranger to me but he seemed kind and asked me which hotel I was in. I told him, in two hours, he came over. I told him the story of my life. He listened and comforted me. I told him I wanted to kill myself…he began to tell me how life is hard but I should be determined to make it irrespective of who my parents are.
This Jason was like an angel. He paid for me to stay in the hotel for a week and stayed with me most times. I thought he wanted to have S** with me so by the third day, I kissed him, but he pushed me away. He said he does not want to take advantage of me. He also told me that he and my mom have a relationship but its not serious. I was confused…if he was with my mom, what does he want from me?
Later, he explained that he tried to reconcile my mom and me but my mom has refused blatantly. Jason gave me 300k and I left for the village after one week. We continued chatting after …we became quite close and I saw him like a very good friend and confidant. A month later, he asked me to come back to the city, he promised to help me get a job since the strike was still on.
I left the village and went to the city again. He got me into an apartment and gave me a no to call for a job the next day. That is how I started working as an intern in a company that one of Jason’s clients got for me. Jasion is the only friend I have …on my birthday, he kissed me…I kissed him back but he held back when things wanted to go further. He told me he has to break up with my mom first. The next day, he told me he had broken up with my mom.
We live the next day and we have been together since. Of course, without my mom’s knowledge. Things are going well for me for the first time in my life. Jason loves me and treats me very well. Its only my grandma I told I was in the city working. My grandma told my mom and the woman called me to ask where I was…of course, I refused to tell her. Then Jason put my picture on his status…my mom found out about us.
My mom called me to say that I was playing with fire being with Jason because the guy is a drug dealer and ritualist. I refused to listen to her, I blocked her lines. However, I started wondering what Jason really does for a living. I told him what my mom said…he laughed and said…its my mom that is the drug dealer…that he used to buy drugs from her for rich people who needed them…so he is like an agent. He said my mom is upset that he left her for me…
I became worried for Jason because being an agent is not a good job but he told me that he was saving money to relocate abroad. And he would want me to come with him. I agreed. Then two months ago, I got pregnant. Jason wanted me to abort it…he said we are both not ready for a baby…because of the plan to relocate and all. I was not happy but I agreed. Jason gave me some drugs, that was supposed to get rid of the pregnancy.
The drugs did not work well, I became ill and was rushed to the hospital. The doctor said I needed to have a full evacuation of what was remaining of the pregnancy so I had to have an evacuation done a few weeks ago. Since then, Jason has been acting weird with me. He thinks I purposely got pregnant…and the fact that the abortion drugs did not remove the pregnancy made him think I was trying to trap him with a child. He told me he did not want a child the same way I was born…he reminded me of the trauma I faced as a child born out of wedlock.
All his attitude actually made me begin to think more and more….that maybe this guy is like my dad…maybe he has a wife or girlfriend and that is why he does not want a child with me…that is why he thinks I want to trap him…maybe that is why his attitude towards me has changed. I am worried and becoming suspicious…I love Jason so much…he is my rock and hope…without him…I probably would not be alive today…
For the first time in a long time…again…I am scared and feel no one wants me…please how do I reassure Jason that I love him…I do not want to loose him…I want a future with him…I want to relocate with him…my heart is breaking with fear …should I ask him to make a vow with me? I just want him to show me some assurance that we are going to work…I can’t cope without Jason.
What if all he is to me is a lie? I have not met any of his family. He has a brother that is a top politician…but they only talk on phone…his other siblings are not in Nigeria…his parents are separated and live in two different cities…he too is not close to his parents. What if the reason I have not met his family members is because he is hiding something from me?
Am I being paranoid…what if my mom is right…why is he so secretive about his family? when I ask him…he said I will meet them when the time comes…but he is not too keen because he is a self made man…he does not really interact with his family…is he lying? what should I do, if Jason break up with me, I have no where else to go…will he break up with me because of the pregnancy issue?
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