True Life Story: Help-I Keep Falling For The Wrong Men
Hello Lively Stones,
I need your advise. Please no insult cos this is my last hope of finding a solution. My name is Yemisi (not real name). I am undergoing a divorce, almost at the last stage. My marriage has been the greatest mistake of my life. I wish I never married my husband. When I met my husband during the pandemic, he had just broken up with his girlfriend. He accused her of cheating with a colleague during the pandemic.
At the time, he lied to me that he was heartbroken and devastated because the lady in question was the love of his life. Me, like a mumu, I believed him. I am a sucker for love. I do not like suffering and when he sold me the cock and bull story, I believed him. I was a Marketer when I met him. He told me that the heartbreak made him loose focus at work and he lost his job and he was struggling.
I gave him money. I tried to make him happy cos I liked him alot. We got romantically involved. He is very romantic and that has been my prayer that I will marry a man that is romantic. In fact, I wondered why that his ex broke up with such a nice guy. Before I knew it, I got pregnant. he was like, ah, we must get married. I told him its too soon cos we barely dated for 4 months but he was like, he had met his soul mate.
What I did not realize was that he was the cheat and he was with me cos of my money. I was in cloud 9 then so I did not notice it until after the wedding which I sponsored 95% because he had no job. He is a graduate with 2.1 and I thought he would easily get a job anywhere. I was even helping him to apply. In the meantime, my Auntie gave him a job as one of her company Truck divers. He never liked it but I encouraged him to hold on to it while we continued a search for a job.
Before long, my Aunty sacked him for losing money. Then, I thought he truly lost the money but later, I found out that he bet the money and used it to chase girls. He became jobless at home. Apart from my job as a Marketer….I am into buying and selling. I asked him to help me in my buying and selling. Before I gave birth, that buying and selling business collapsed because I lost all my money thanks to my husband.
According to him, when clients paid, he borrowed from it but forgot to return it. I was slowly becoming bankrupt. I was the one responsible for our baby and house up keep. Anytime I get angry with him, he will become all mushy mushy and use s3x to silence me. The guy is a hard core player, I fell flat for him. The I realized he was sleeping with one of his ex. And this ex is the reason, he broke up with the girl that left him when I met him.
We began to have fights and quarrels over his cheating, taking my money and being such a lazy husband. Towards end of Last year, I restricted his access to all my money and that is when I began to see the real man I married. He turned from being romantic to being abusive. He beat me and left home for days and days. Family, friends, church, everyone intervened but no luck.
Eventually, I had to move out when our rent expired in February. Even then, I had not enough money to rent a place but the landlord of the place I got, collected 400k from me after I promised to pay him the 200k balance in 3 months. As the 3 months was going to elapse, I had not been able to raise the balance, so I went to a colleague and asked him to loan me the money. This colleague has been toasting me for a while and he agreed instantly.
So since this guy gave me the money, he has been trying his best to be with me and I initially told him I was not ready for a relationship. My divorce is yet to be finalized cos my husband keeps failing to show up in court. But as far as me am concerned, that marriage is as good as over. Now, my issue is, this guy at work, has been showing me all kinds of niceness, trying to get close. I tried to remain focused, believe me, I tried but we had s3x recently. The s3x was mad good and I found myself throwing caution to the wind again.
I need advice. I have realized that I have a weakness, I fall for nice guys easily or sweet talking guys. This guy suddenly began to be nice to me, showing support cos of what I am going through with my husband, saying all the nice and supportive things and now …I am falling for him, I find myself sleeping with him. I do not think I love him…I think I am attracted to him cos of the way he f*cks…or I just love his company.
Its even dangerous cos we work together. I never imagined I would date someone at work…if we broke up…it could be messy…I have tried to break up with him twice but I keep going back to him. Its like I am afraid of being alone. I have not even asked him if he has a girlfriend. What if he does? It feels like I am enjoying this ignorance and avoiding to ask the right questions.
I am doomed…how do I stop myself from making the same mistake as I made with my husband. Yesterday evening, when that heavy rain was falling at work, we went to the office toilet and f*cked. What is wrong with me? I told myself that I will never fall for a guy so quickly but this is happening and I cannot seem to know how to control myself. I am a hopeless romantic…I know this is a big red flag but I lack the will to end this.
How do I get rid of this guy when I feel weak about him right all the time? All am thinking about is s3x with this guy every day. Or do you think I am just being paranoid? This may turn out to be different from my husband…should I stop over thinking and relax? But my gut keeps ringing danger. Like, I feel a voice telling me to run for my dear life…like I feel like if I don’t quit this job, I will never be free of this guy….but how do I quit this job when I can barely take care of myself on this small salary?
Please help me, I think my ancestors cursed me.
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