True Life Story: How A One Night Stand Has Changed Everything After Four Years Of Marriage
Good Morning Lively Stones,
I did not sleep a wink last night. I have never been so worried in all my life. The matter is such that I cannot even confide in anyone cos it is that delicate. Let me start from the beginning: I am a married woman of 37 years old. I got married four years ago. When I met my husband, he was a student lecturer at the university. It was love at first sight. I was doing my masters then.
So we got married a year later. He told me that his dream was to become a professor and said even though we get married, he wants us to wait until he has done his PHD before we start having children. I was 32 at the time, so I thought, I can wait 3 more years, we can have one or maximum of three children cos we were not planning to have more than two children.
Our marriage was ok…the only thing I battled with was constant calls from young girls trying to seduce husband but he seemed to be in control. He never let any girl pass their boundaries. And then he started his PHD but it was in Ibadan. That meant, from school sometimes, he would travel from Iwo to Ibadan almost every week…from lecturing to classes. It was tough, cos that meant I saw him less and less…..but I tired to manage.
Just before my husband finished his PHD in U.I….he was offered a job as full lecturer in U.I….we were so happy. that meant better pay and better prospects in a federal university. The plan was for us to move permanently to Ibadan following his resumption. But I needed sometime to finalize a few thing here in Iwo so, only hubby moved to Ibadan first. He did not even have a place, he was squatting with a ‘fellow’ lecturer.
Eventually, I was ready to move and told him I was ready. My husband told me to wait a little…that he did not have money to get a place for us yet….so I should be patient while he keeps squatting with his lecturer friend. I told him to let me borrow him money for our new apartment in Ibadan but he said no need…that he will settle it the next month. From month to month, he found excuses for me not to join him.
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So I asked him to allow me come visit at weekends…he said no…that its not wise to come and inconvenience someone he is squatting with by bringing his wife. But my husband also stopped coming home for weekends…two months will pass before he will visit and he will stay none day and next day ….he is in rush…saying he has to teach part time students over the weekend. This made me unhappy and I decided to surprise him one weekend.
I showed up in Ibadan and called him that I was around. He asked me to go back to Iwo, saying he was not expecting me. He hung up the phone. I could not believe my ears. So, I decided to track him down. I went to the department in U.I and started asking questions to anyone who knew him and where he stays. It was hard but eventually, someone gave me his address.
So, I traced his place and showed up in Bodija estate. For those of you who know Ibadan, Bodija is a nice estate in Ibadan. When I rang the bell of the duplex they described as where my husband was staying….a lady answered the door. I told her I was looking for Tunde my husband (not real name). She looked at me and was shocked….she said the only Tunde she knows is her partner….she called his name and behold….my own husband showed up behind her.
The shock Tunde had on his face was small compared to the one I had when I realized what was happening…my husband Tunde was living with a fellow colleague and they are in a relationship. I did not say anything….I just walked away….cos I promised myself….I will never fight over any man in my life. I left crying, lost and confused and pained and angry….Tunde kept calling my phone all through as I travelled back home….he sent many texts and said he will explain later.
When I got back home…I locked myself indoors for three days and cried. It was my neighbors that started banging on my door that made me open. They were afraid something was wrong. Cos Tunde told them to check on me since he was calling and I was not speaking. I opened the door and told them I was ok. The next weekend..Tunde showed up at home…all his explanation fell on deaf ears….the only thing I asked him was if he was sleeping with the woman…he said yes but he is sorry…that it was the devil’s work.
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Apparently the woman helped him get the job in U.I with her influence. She is a single mother and things went out of hand…they started having S** and he has been living with her…she knows hes married but she is not looking for a husband but just a companion. Tunde told me he was getting his apartment by the end of December and we would move in together. After everything…I forgave him…he is my husband and I love him.
Tunde went back to Ibadan on Monday morning and he did not call me all through the week. I called and he did not pick up…only at night…he will say he is tired….he had a long day lecturing. I felt hurt cos I was suspecting he was still with that woman. But I did not want to accept that I may have lost my husband to a side chick yet. I was in denial.
One evening, I went out to the supermarket to get a few items and I ran into a former colleague and we exchanged pleasantries….this guy used to toast me back in the day…seeing him that day…he paid for my groceries…we chatted and he offered to drop me….on getting to my place…he kissed me….and I did not resist. I was not thinking….I have him my no and he invited me to his place the next day. The next day…I went to his place and we had S**.
Immediately after…I regretted it. But before then, I really wanted to have S** cos not only was I hurting from lack of care, communication from my husband…we had not had S** in months….I was very horny. So, I cheated on my husband. I told myself I needed to get my revenge too. That was the only time though. My husband eventually called three weeks later and told me he got a place of his own. In January this year, I moved to Ibadan to join my husband.
Moving to Ibadan made no difference….I hardly saw my husband…we were not even having S** when we saw….he was refusing to touch me….always saying he was tired from work….he touch me once in December and he was wearing a condom. I know that my husband is still seeing that woman but I am trying to live in denial cos it hurts so much. I fell sick in February. I was treated twice for malaria yet I did not get better….I kept loosing weight and vomiting.
The doctor eventually recommended a pregnancy test …I refused to do the test at first cos I know me and hubby are not S.e.xually active….since January till date…we have not been intimate….more than twice and those two times was with condom. The test was done and it came out positive. I am almost three months pregnant. By that calculation….I took in ….in December and in December….the only S** I had was with that my former colleague.
That is why I have not slept a wink. All manner of thought is going through my mind….what am I going to do? Abortion would have been a nice idea but with the way hubby is behaving….looks like our marriage is heading to divorce cos if he keeps cheating….only God knows what tomorrow hold….clearly, another woman has captured my husband’s heart….cos even though I stay in Ibadan…I hardly see my husband and sometimes, he does not come home for two days.
At 37 years old….married for four years with no child….and then I get pregnant for another man after a one night stand….what if….that is God’s plan…I stopped using birth control since last year when husband finished his PHD….but husband has been too busy f*cking another woman to have time to give me belle….so imagine the irony of having a one night S** with a stranger at my age and getting pregnant? What am I supposed to do?
Please do not judge me for cheating on my husband….I regret it….I was raised better than that but circumstances beyond my control happened. I am totally confused right now…I do not know what next to do….will husband accept this baby…what if I don’t tell him I cheated….will he know…he knows I am off my birth control cos I have been telling him I am ready for a baby ….what if this baby is what will bind me and husband…I forgave him cheating…will he not forgive me too….its just one night stand….he has been cheating for almost 8 months now? But I fear that if I tell him….then I have just driven him right into the arms of that woman…and our marriage will be over.
Please tell me what to do….
Anonymous
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People needs to stop taking revenge. Dear poster, it is obvious your husband does not love you anymore.I don’t think you should tell him about the baby now so he does not lie about the reason for divorce is because you cheated. sit him down and talk about your stand if he’s in or out you can’t continue waiting for him to come around while he’s seeing someone. His response would determine your next line of action if it will be divorce and you keep your baby or if he would accept you and your unborn child. Please do not abort no matter what and do not lie to him that the baby is his. Remember to talk about your stand with him.
I don’t know on what basis you started this relationship of yours before it led to marriage.
It seems to me that your husband does not love you from the beginning,he never loved you,a man who loves you will not treat you in such a despicable manner.
Inform your husband’s family about his promiscuous attitude, whatever they say will determine if you would remain in that marriage or not.
For me,I would separate from such a man and have my baby in peace,he expects you to be using birth control while he enjoys himself with another woman,why should a husband use condom on his wife? That man does not love you biko, separate and move on.
Some men are mean and wicked,why did he have to subject you to this kind of torture and suffering? Is this even marriage? He acts as though he is doing you a favour,my dear move on. God bless you..
A woman who was there for you when you were a student lecturer,now that you have PHD you don begin misbehave,it is well.
But you’ve been in this marriage alone. I don’t know what he did to suggest he ever loved you coz I don’t see anywhere that suggests so. You’ve been forcing yourself on him. He’s seen you won’t move an inch from that marriage and that’s the reason for his disrespect. You’ve stooped as low as being okay with your spouse sleeping outside yet you’re here asking of what to do about your unborn child. Women need to really love themselves. This is someone you should have served divorce papers since when? By now you ought to have moved to your own place ready to start raising your child. I don’t see the need to have any sit down with anyone over anything because I can tell you for free that you’re the only in that marriage and that man has never loved you even once. Simply pack your load,get a place, start your antenatal and concentrate on your child. Serve him the papers once you’ve found a place to move in to.
Dear poster, I feel for you
Honestly, I don’t blame you but I’m not saying you did right
Please, quit that marriage. Your husband doesn’t love neither does he need you
Don’t abort the baby but inform your old classmate who is responsible
Singlehandedly raise the child. Get divorce, you will later meet a man that will love and care for you
Please hold yourself accountable for cheating on your husband, he didnt force you to do anything, you decided to do it yourself, that aside. Tell him everything.
I wish you well.
This is your baby.
This is your life.
Good you accepted your error.
Do you want the marriage? If yes, you can’t say if it exist for now, so you have to make it work not by pushing the child to be for your husband.
No child talk will make a difference because the truth won’t be hidden forever. Besides, your husband appears taken already. If he wants a child, he won’t be using condom.
Maybe, the child of the single mother is his child.
You may tell him about the pregnancy and let what will happen tomorrow, happen today but do so wisely like someone already suggested.
You may ask him what’s the way forward and let him know you are not happy or enjoying the marriage obviously, he is cheating but doesn’t want it to be said he abandoned you and is with another woman. If his response suggests inbetween or not interested, then move on.
You guys should talk about your marriage as soon as possible and let his family know his response and your decision.
Please, have your baby and love yourself cos you deserve to be loved. Prepare to have your baby and take care of yourself. It’s painful but your hubby is taken already. He is playing safe and also playing with your emotions cos you love him.
All the best.
I wish I could hug you right now……I can’t relate but I know you’re going through pain, don’t think too much, it’s not good for you health and the baby, separate from that man, find your way with God and you’ll be comforted