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True Life Story: How Do I Control My Temper When My Husband Is A Chronic Cheat?

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True Life Story: How Do I Control My Temper When My Husband Is A Chronic Cheat?

Hmm Lively Stones,

Shall I share my story without backlash? I am a 27 year old married woman with a kid. I got married two years ago to my baby daddy. Yes, we had a child before we got married. Since I met my husband, about four years ago, all he has been doing is professing love for me but he will never stop following other women. That was when he told me to have his baby, that after that, he will settle down and marry me.

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I was stupid enough to believe him, I got pregnant and had a baby boy for  him. This man continued to cheat on me. So, after my 25th birthday, I decided to stop believing him, I started dating someone else who equally was into me. The only problem with this guy I was dating was, he is a Muslim and wanted me to be his third wife. I am a Christian but I have family members who are married to other religions.

So, as I was dating this guy, my husband became very jealous and rushed to propose to me. He knew I wanted to get married. He was always professing that he was sorry and I should forgive him and he swear by his mother’s grave, that he will be faithful. Hmm, after much begging and persuasion, I agreed to leave that muslim guy and marry the father of my son.

You see, marriage or love does not stop a man from cheating. My husband is a chronic womanizer. Since our wedding two years ago, na so so knacking of several side chics. I have fought many of them. I have insulted my husband. I have even assaulted my husband for putting me through this emotional turmoil because I have a bad temper. I know people say I should forget about his cheating with other women and focus on my child but I am a young woman, I still have a long years ahead of me, I cannot continue to bear this rubbish.

The last time my husband went out and came back from his many knacking spree…he left his phone and quickly rushed to the toilet which he does, to bath so that I cannot smell the woman’s perfume on him. I checked his phone and the stupid girl was still texting him, that she does not want him to leave cos she will f*ck him better than that his willy wife at home.

ALSO READ: Married Friend Replies- I Am Not A Hypocrite I Am A Realist

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So now,the girls are now abusing me and my husband is allowing it? I made up my mind that I will show him back…pay him back for his betrayal. I was so upset that I started chatting that my ex that wanted to marry me and he was immediately so happy…he even promised to buy me a house in a choice area in this Abuja. So, I took my son to my husband’s elder sister’s house and moved into the apartment that this man got for me.

Since then, my husband is going around telling people that I abandoned him and our son to follow a rich man. Because I try to call to check on my son…the sister is begging me to come back…that the family has called their brother to his senses. That he has sworn never to cheat on me again. They are even saying if I do not come back, my husband is threatening that I will not see my son again.

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You see…apart from the cheating…there is abuse and lack of trust…I already have a bad temper and this man has a way of making me upset. I fear one day, I will do what I will regret to him. Many times, I have thought of even poisoning his food and me also drinking poison cos he is really disgracing me. How do I control my hot temper when this man keeps doing this to me…I am a very fine woman…any man would do anything to have me.

As I am writing this, my muslim lover has started process of buying me the house. I have gone to inspect the houses he is trying to buy. Why will I leave such a man who does not trouble me…yes, he has other wives but at least…he treats me with respect and spends money on me. Meanwhile…my husband does not spend on me,he has money o but he does not give me money cos he thinks that will make me not leave him, if I am depending on him all the time…he only gives me money to buy things but not for saving yet he has dashed those prostitutes he f*cks plenty money.

I need your advise…why should I go back to my husband? I love him o…but we are bad for each other….he is a community penis contributor, stingy and that really makes me so mad. When I get mad, I break things. I have even broken his car mirror once. I am horrified at the person I become when I am angry and he continues to do that all the time. But if I leave him, he may not allow me see my child again. I need advise. I am not working cos my husband did not allow me work. Even this guy I am seeing does not want to let me work.

So, how do I make sure that my son is not taken away from me. I regret dropping my son with the sister …I did that in anger…now…they are saying if I am not coming back to the marriage, my husband says I cannot see my son again. My current guy says its better I leave my son with them cos he does not want anything from my husband to come in-between us. To be honest, I really do not love him that much but he provides a more stabile future for me…but I am not sure he will help me get my son back.

My mind is really confused…if I go back….its fighting, cheating and no money…if I stay…I will have money and a house but my son will not be with me. What should I do please? Should I pretend to return back to my husband…so I can take back my son before going back to this guy? what if this guy says he does not want my son with me? Cos, from the way he is behaving, he says I should let my son stay with his father or his people.

I am confused. Should I leave my son with them…maybe when he is grown…he will come look for me? Or should I go back and continue to pray that my husband will change one day and I will not k*ll him before that time comes? As for love, I know my husband loves me…but he also loves plenty p*ssies. Some friends say its because he is young (he is 29 years) , that as he gets older, he will change.

I love him but his cheating and my hot temper cannot go together. How do I become a good wife and wait for him to change…will he ever change? I got pregnant for him to change….he didnt change…I got married to him….thinking he will change,….he didnt…so what am I going to do to make him change? All this love love is not enough…I need my respect.

Its like I am between the devil and the sea. I do not know which decision to make now. I need your advise.

Anonymous

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Jzhane
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

5 COMMENTS

  1. I would advice you leave your husband for now, separate from him for now. I wouldn’t want you to spoil things because of your temperament.

    Pretend to him,go back and get your son,you can’t leave your child with someone when you are still alive not even with a chronic cheat like him. Get your son and separate for now.

    Are you comfortable with the Muslim guy? He already has 2wives, do you know the source of his income? He wants to buy you a house,is that all that matter right now? You are a Christian and you want to marry a Muslim all because of what he has,if you feel you don’t longer want your husband, kindly go back to your mother’s house and remarry for a good reason,so that you will not go from frying pan to fire.

    Peace

  2. Am still trying to understand the reason you dropped your son in the first place as pay back I don’t get. Dropped your son without thinking of tomorrow. The Muslim guy has made it obvious he doesn’t want your son in the picture. I will suggest you try to start a business, you can’t keep depending on someone every time. Pretend to reconcile with your husband so you can get your son back. Try to get something doing without your husband knowing. You would leave with your son when he least expect.. Before you say yes to the Muslim guy, think about your son very well, ask yourself if you’re ready to let go of your son or you will try to make the Muslim guy understand your son needs to be in the picture. Please leave your husband so you can get your sanity

  3. Firstly, what business do you have with your so called ex, and it’s clear you are only after money, it’s a sign of an irresponsible woman, he promised you house bla bla bla, how do you women of today think for heaven’s sake, you are having marital crisis and the next thing is to be seeing your ex.

    You are complaining of your husbands cheating yet you are seeing a married man that has other wives, you are a hypocrite sister. You are just like your husband.

    You even mentioned wanting to kill him, can you see how selfish you are, you think you won’t be found out of you kill him, why can’t you women think straight atimes, your own is to kill men, poison husbands when they cheat, later you say men can’t take what they dish yet you want to kill your husband.

    You better forget about that your irresponsible ex or whatever you call him, you are only after his money, what stops you from having your own money, why are you going after other womens husband, why?

    When we tell people not to fornicate, they call us deputy JESUS, they think marriage will cure their sexual recklessness, no it will not.

    You and your husband need serious help, I hope both of you seek help very fast. If you can’t forget about that your so called irresponsible ex, then you are ready for a solution, forgetting him completely is the first solution, but will you do it?

    Then call for a family meeting and report your husband , also report yourself how you have been seeing a married man and the things he is doing for you, you can’t be reporting your husband while you keep silent on what you too have done.

    I wish you well.

    ✌️

  4. Nothing puts me off in your story than you leaving your son !
    You actually dont have business being in a toxic marriage that can land you in prison or in the grave. But this your poor boy you have left, why?!!
    Please make the sacrifice to go back and get that boy.
    Then you can officially leave.

    plEASE know this, Marriage doesnt change people, its rather amplifies their traits/character. And any love that can hurt isnt love. Youre merely being drawn to your husband by feelings of somethings you still admire about him despite being a Cheat.
    yOUR eyes should be clear now and please grow up.

    i dont know what to say about your muslim lover. You undershatnd better. But i advice you follow @Marylyn advice on it.
    IT WILL BE WELL.
    peace

  5. Hello,

    I’ll touch on a few points.

    As a woman, have a source of income, total dependence on a man leaves you at their mercy. Even a very good man can loose their job or life, become sick, have more responsibilities to shoulder, struggle with the financial burden, change or the type you describe can later loose interest in the relationship etc. Even the one who buys you a house, what if he has conditions tied to it later and revokes his offer in the future etc/ finds a way to take back the house.

    Have a source of income then find a stylish way to take your Son back, from what you described you definitely have grounds for separation, He can pass on an incurable disease so being with him is not even safe for you except he totally changes his ways and encounters Christ.

    Get on your feet, don’t become a 3rd wife. Don’t commit adultery you are still married. Find solace with God and sort out a good source of income. Take it one day at a time.
    Do you have a Sister you can stay with ?

    All the best

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