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True Life Story: How Far Is Too Much To Save My Best Friend’s Marriage?

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True Life Story: How Far Is Too Much To Save My Best Friend’s Marriage?

Hello Lively Stones,

I want to share my situation with you. Just for advice. Its about something deep…about me and my best friend, Deola. My best friend and I have known each other since 2001. We met on a trip to Abuja actually. She was going to meet a friend and we got into Abuja quite late. She then slept at my place cos it was really late, around 12am. Since then, we became very good friends. We were both mature ladies who were unlucky in relationships, so we really bonded in sisterhood.

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My friend was coming out of a failed marriage and I just broke up with my baby daddy then. We have been through alot of ups and downs, our families have become one. My son calls Deola second mummy. Like I said, I have not been lucky in relationships, I dated a few men, none really worked out. In 2011, I got married but the marriage was a failure from start. We separated but the marriage was blessed with a daughter.

Deola finally got married in 2018. We were both already in our forties by that time. Deola married a divorced man with two children but the man’s ex wife never used to allow the children see their dad. So, Deola was under alot of pressure to have a child. Due to her age and she was diagnosed with endometriosis, trying to conceive was hard. All IVF attempts failed. The husband did not like the idea of adoption because he had a brother that was adopted and that brother was the black sheep of the house.

In 2020, Deola asked me if I could be her surrogate: that means, if I can help her carry her child. You see, I love Deola like a sister and would do anything for her. So, I agreed without hesitation. We all agreed to keep it a secret from all family members too. As God would do it, the implant worked and I carried my friend’s baby for her and gave birth to a boy in January of 2021. The pregnancy was smooth. I was treated very well by Deola and her husband all through. Infact, we used to joke that I was the second wife. It was all joke, no one read any meaning into it….or so I thought.

ALSO READ: True Life Story: My Best Friend’s Husband Lied And Used Me Against My Best Friend

Everything went fine. Our bond was even sealed more by this beautiful baby boy I carried for my friend and her husband. We all celebrated Junior’s  first birthday with so much celebration. Fast forward to the around July of 2022….things took a different turn. I do not know how it happened but I realized Deola’s husband became very flirty with me. At first, I thought he was being he normal friendly and jovial self with me. It was until it became serious

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One day, in the midst of the play play….Deola’s husband started trying to pin me down….that he wanted to make love to me…that he has started developing feelings for me every time he looks at the handsome boy I gave him and his wife. He said he has discussed with Deola and Deola is not against it. That he wants me so bad and he also wants another baby from me. It was like a joke but I knew he was serious. I was able to fight him off cos I told him…that I can never have s3x with him cos Deola is like a sister to me

This man said his sperm has already entered me before when I carried their baby, so I should stop pretending…that we should just have another baby naturally and Deola will be happy about it. I went to look for my friend Deola to tell him what her husband said…my friend was not even surprised. She told me that she is fine with it. That she will never be upset if me, that has sacrificed so much as carrying a baby for her in my womb for nine months, that if the husband wants to sleep with me, she accepts it ….that she does not mind at all.

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In my head, I said there was no way any woman will agree to such a thing. Given, my relationship with Deola is different…we are bond sisters…but to share one man…that can cause trouble. So, I insisted on my stand…not to sleep with her husband. I had to reduce the rate at which I go to their house. I tried to put a distance between us, I thought that would make the man forget about me.

After two months, Deola called me, she was crying. Saying her husband wants a divorce. That he said he has feelings for me and he would not mind me being his lover but if I refuse because of their marriage, then he thinks the marriage should be over ….cos he wants to pursue me by all means. I was confused. After much persuasion, I agreed. I did not like the idea but my friend tried to make me feel at ease. The only way I agreed though, was that we will not sleep with each other under the same roof as Deola…my conscience will not take it.

This my story is unbelievable for some people but like I said…my love for Deola is deep. As the arrangement started, I realized that Deola’s husband is greedy…he not only wanted me…he wanted to have me and my friend…he wanted to have threesome with two friends. The day he mentioned it….I knew my limit had arrived. I said no way….if this will cause their divorce…so be it. I told Deola….yes, f*cking her husband was not all that bad after all…but f*cking him together with my friend shows that the man is sick and I want no part of it.

I told Deola…if the man wants threesome….they can go have it with prostitutes or strangers. I stopped all communications with this man in November of 2022. I miss my friend…we still talk now and again on phone …she tells me how the man treats her…treats her like a nobody….and yes, he invited other ladies to have threesomes with her but she declined after the first experience…she did not enjoy it she said.

My friend Deola came to visit me on the first week of January this year….I swear, I cold not recognize her…she has lost weight and she is dealing with depression. I cried seeing her like this. I asked my friend to seek divorce but she says if she does, the man will take her son away. Deola is still pleading with me, to help save her marriage….which is…give the husband what she wants….to have me and my friend for s3x anytime he wants.

Deola still loves this man. She said she would be happy if I marry him as a second wife so I wont feel uncomfortable about his proposal to sleep with both of us. From the way Deola spoke….she thinks this will make her happy and her husband will be happy too….but I do not feel good about this and I am worried for my friend.

What should I do? How can my friend seek for divorce without loosing her son? Can anyone give us legal advice…my friend has stopped working since the boy was born cos the man wanted her to stay and take care of the boy…so how will she prove to the court that she can take care of the boy financially? And now…to save my friend from further depression….should I give in and maybe ask her if the man should kuku take me as second wife ….so he can do what he wants legally?

Deola and myself have come a really long way…many ups and down…especially when I was married and being abused in my marriage,…she was my backbone…even when I got divorced…she helped me get back on my feet…she was there when I needed anything….cleared my debt…was there when my mom was sick and died….so much I can’t say but right now…if I do this for her….How will people look at me? Will they not think I am trying to steal my best friend’s husband? Who will understand that she wsa the one who begged me to do this? How do I explain this to my children? Will my best friend not later regret this and h*te me later for this?

Anonymous

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Jzhane
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

2 COMMENTS

  1. Don’t marry that man, marrying him will not stop him from having threesome or cheating with other ladies.

    Your friend has two options, remain with that good for nothing man or divorce him.

    She has to leave that man because of her mental health. Let her see her lawyer.

    Peace.

  2. The game will not end well.

    If your friend’s husband keeps asking to have you or no marriage, he is selfish man.

    Your friend isn’t okay with it but because she feels agreeing to this arrangement keeps her the mother of the child and in marriage.

    You have a lot to loose.

    Help your friend find a good help to save her mental health condition, prepare her for any furture challenge and to get her own money too.

    Get a good lawyer, therapist and counsellors for this case.

    When you are free, that man will control you all through his manipulative tactics and your friend’s weakness and your kindness may need to your doom.

    Support her but don’t enter in the boat with her.

    Please, don’t marry that man.

    You have a life too.

    God help you.

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