True Life Story: How I Have Endured My Marriage For 17 Years – Can I Be Happy For Once?
Hi Lively Stones,
I really need your advice here. I am a 45 years old married woman with five children. My youngest is 9 years old and I have been married for 17 years. There is an 8 years age gap between my husband and I. We have had a good marriage but we also had challenges here and there.
My husband cheated on me twice in our marriage. I choose to forgive him and stay in my marriage because when I met him, we both had nothing. We built our empire together, so leaving him would have been very difficult. I decided to bury the hurt and even when I think of it, I cry but I just let it go.
My husband cheated with a friend of mine 9 years ago and another business partner, 3 years ago. Yes, he apologized but trust that he will not cheat on me ever has disappeared. I think it no longer bothers me but it pains me to think that since we got married, I have been nothing but faithful and loyal to him.
Now, the reason for this post is because, I have a very good friend, he was my friend in the same youth fellowship before we got married and later became our family friend when I got married. I attended his wedding and his only child’s naming ceremony. This friend is someone that anytime me or my husband were in financial distress, we could call on him and he would come through for us. Its been almost 20 years of great friendship.
His wife passed on from Cancer two years ago. Since then, he has stayed single even though, we have been encouraging him to find love again and remarry. It was his birthday last month, me and and his siblings who have become friends with us decided to throw him a surprise birthday party. He was really happy, he kept thanking me everyday.
As he was thanking me, on the WhatsApp chat, this friend whom I want to call TK told me that he likes me alot, that I have never noticed, that he has been in love with me since when we were both single and all through his marriage and mine. TK said he was too shy to tell me his feelings and when I told him was getting married 17 years ago, he was depressed but he was too scared to say anything to me.
To God who made me, I was shocked to be hearing this from this very close man who is so much like a brother to me and my husband and an Uncle to my children. He went on to say that even his late wife suspected he had feelings for me but he denied it all through. He said that is why he cannot let me suffer , he is always willing to help me or my husband or my children anytime or with anything we need.
This revelations by TK shook me. I now began to understand how kind this man has been. He literally would do anything for me and my family. Now I understand why he has such an unconditional love for us. I told him that I appreciate what he told me but he knows there is nothing both of us can do because I am still married. TK said he knows but he just wants me to know.
That was last month but since TK made that revelation, I have lost sleep. I cannot go a day without thinking of what life could have been with him as my husband or lover. I practically shiver when I think of TK. Is this love? Could I be falling in love with him. My thoughts towards him are very lustful thoughts. I am fighting the temptation to call him and tell him I am developing feelings for me.
I know I cannot allow myself to share my feelings with him but I am dying inside everyday. Why did TK have to say that he has loved me all his life? Did I miss God’s plan for my life in terms of life partner? Maybe if I had married TK, I would not have been cheated on. TK is a good and perfect man.
My head and my heart has been messing with me. Maybe because my marriage is dry now. Me and my husband hardly make love. Maybe once in like 1 or 2 months do we even make love. We live like room mates…no romance, no spark…just normal talk. The marriage is just there cos of the children, not for us.
What I am trying to say is, I am longing for TK. I do not want to cheat…I do not want to scatter my family but I want to be held and loved and told nice things and appreciated.
For the first time since TK revealed his feelings for me last month, he called to check on me and I was stammering like an 18 year old who is talking to her first love. TK sent me a message after, saying he is thinking of relocating to Canada because since he told me his feelings, he can no longer be himself around me. That he thinks of kissing me and making love to me. But since he cannot betray my family who see him as family, he wants to leave.
I could not respond to his message. I read it every day. I cry because I am holding myself from saying anything because if I say anything, it would be…to beg him not to go …to tell him how I feel too…to end my marriage of endurance right now and not have any care in the world and just be happy.
Do I not deserve to be happy? Its been 17 years of marriage but almost 9 years of endurance…is this a sign from God? Perhaps, an opportunity to find the spark again in my life before its late. I am 45 but I do not want to be 85 and still be in a marriage of convenience. Is it wrong that I am thinking of my happiness?
What should I do? Should I let TK leave my life to Canada and loose the opportunity of being loved and being happy? Am I being selfish? Is this what they call mid life crises? Will I snap out of it or will I regret it for the rest of my life? Please tell me what to do.
Do you have a story to share? We want to hear all about it. Email us at firstname.lastname@example.org or Whatsapp +2348029870309