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True Life Story: How I Lost & Found My Husband But The Problem Is Not Over

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True Life Story: How I Lost & Found My Husband But The Problem Is Not Over

Hi Lively Stones House,

Please help me look into this matter. I am a 37 years old single mother of two. I got married to the best man eight years ago. My husband is the nicest and kindest man anyone can ever meet. Too nice to a fault. If you ask him for even the only money he has, he will give it to you. He was not that financially balanced but I did not mind cos he was a good man. But his mother for really had an issue with me, I don’t know why but I think she wanted her son to marry one of his ex that had money but it did not work out cos that lady was just controlling him cos of her wealth and my husband is a simple man, so he left her and married me.

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Everything was going well until my husband started behaving strangely around three years of marriage. He started working late. I never ever suspected anything, I just played the role of supportive wife. Then one morning, he woke me up and said he cannot do this to me, that he wanted me to hear it from him and not anyone else. That he had an affair with his boss wife, the woman is his line manager, she and her husband are having issues and so, she was lonely…one thing led to another…they started having an affair.

My whole body started shaking. I could not believe this. This woman had taken advantage of my over nice humble husband. My husband was looking at me and said he does not know how to hide it from me. I started crying and told him to leave me alone. My husband went to work and came back later in the evening. He tried to talk to me but I was not ready to hear him out. The next day was saturday, I went to the market and before I got back, my husband has packed his things and moved out.He abandoned us…his family.

I called his line for days, he did not pick. He only sent a text that he is sorry and he cannot face me anymore. He did not ask for my forgiveness neither did he ask me to work things out with him, he just left. My life ended. I wanted to die. I told our family and everyone tried to reach him but he told them he cannot face me for what he did to us. I did not understand that at all.

Next thing I heard was, he had gotten visa to travel and he was relocating abroad. I did not know what to tell the children, everyday, they will be asking me for their dad…that was like after five months. People said my husband was under influence of juju. I prayed and fasted. I tried to reach him but his nos were never connecting. I went to his work place and was told that he was no longer working there. I tried to confront the boss wife but she was never in the office…the boss too….I was not allowed to see him.

After about a year, I receive divorce papers. I knew it was over and I signed the papers. Two months later, I started receiving up keep money for the children. He never called…we never saw him again. I heard he was abroad with the boss wife and that the boss wife divorced her husband. I was heartbroken but I picked up my life and tried to move on. The only thing we got was monthly upkeep money which really helped cos raising two kids is not easy.

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ALSO READ: Covid-19 Pandemic: My Boyfriend Abandoned Me When I Needed Him Most

Then three years later, I got a call from my now ex husband. I was shocked…but I waited for him to say something…he just kept saying ; I am so sorry…I am so sorry. I told him no problem …I was in a relationship then. I only told him to try and call his children cos they are gradually forgetting him. So he started calling the children. We eventually started speaking cordially for the sake of the children. I was in a relationship with someone but the guy was just manageable, he was no where close to my ex in terms of being nice. We argued and quarreled alot. I discovered I was still suffering from the trauma and pain and trust issues from my first marriage. We eventually broke up last year.

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That same last year, my ex husband lost his mother and he came back home for the burial. He begged me to see the children and I agreed. When he came to the house where we live, he came inside and he knelt down and started begging. I started crying…he was crying…the children….everyone was crying…Clearly ,whatever blinded his eyes was over. But he was now married to his boss ex wife ….they live in Canada, they have a daughter.

When he wanted to leave after spending the day with us, the children wanted him to stay the night….he asked me…I hesitated but later agreed. That night, after the children slept off….my ex husband came to me and we had s3x. He spent a whole week with us and everyday we made love. We talked alot through out, he said he does not know why he left us till date…he suspects the boss wife used juju on him. He told me he has made up his mind to leave the wife in Canada, get a divorce and return to Nigeria.

After the moms’ burial, he returned to Canada. The children were happy daddy was coming back. Its been four months he went back now. We talk everyday, he says he is making plans to come back but he is thinking instead of coming back, he should work for us to join him which is ok. But to get a divorce in Canada will take him like 2 years. So he cant bring us until his divorce is finalized. And the wife is not agreeing to the divorce. This woman even called me to forget about my husband, that I should have moved on by now, that my husband does not love me, he only feels sorry that he left us three years ago without any explanation…that he now has a family, that its not fair to their daughter…what about my own children, how is that fair to them?

So, please advise us, should he remain there until divorce is over and we can go join him or should he come back and be with us here in naija? People are advising its better to go and join him cos of the state of the economy in this our country. Everyday that I think of him with his wife….I fear the longer he stays there.,…something might happen to make him change his mind. I still love and miss him.

Some say my husband is playing me, that he does not want to come back, that he just wants a naija wife….that if he is serious, he should just come back immediately to us…I don’t want to loose him a second time. But if there is a chance of relocating abroad…I don’t want to loose that opportunity….Please advice which option is the best?

Anonymous

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Jzhane
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

4 COMMENTS

  1. Long story short, your husband is playing you. There are some county’s/ local governments you can file a divorce and it would not last for 2 years. Even if one party is objecting to the divorce, or they have properties together, the court would not hold the case for that long.
    Get as much cash as you can get from your husband and relocate with the kids. Start off with getting your kids and self an international passport, then safe as much as you can and apply for a family package to Canada or any other country. It’s not that difficult if you have the cash and intensify in prayers.

    Best of luck

  2. Please tell him to come back,he needs to come back,the more he stays over there,the more dangerous it becomes for you all.

    Let him come back to his original family,you can’t say because you want to live abroad and then lose your husband to a stupid gold digger.

    You need to fire prayers now,you need to pray more now,let your children pray for their dad,the juju needs to clear from his eyes finally. And the Lord shall answer your prayers and bring your husband home safely,amen.

    He shouldn’t stay ooo,what if the woman sets him up or kill him? He shouldn’t even let the woman know his plans of relocating back to Naija. It is well

  3. I believe He is playing you. He wants to eat his cake and have it. Keep you and still keep the one in Canada so he has 2options and he can act anyhow knowing that if one leaves he has another that he will just shed small tears for and they’ll have him back.
    I know it’s not easy and I pray God gives you the strength and provision you need to move on.

    Juju no dey work unless the man eyes fes dey there. So if he claims the other lady used juju for him it’s because he also wasn’t clean.

  4. madam ur husband is playing u ,ur husband is selfish , manipulative and full of lies ,first he left u for another woman ,then he travel abroad only to come back begging for u to accept him ,u made a mistake before he had sex with u ,u should have made him promise he wouldn’t go back ,love is sacrificial ,a man that pick himself over his family is a wicked man ,leaving his children behind because of the japa syndrome ,he feels his life is going to be better but truly he is not enjoying the marriage but he is using u , because he knows u would still forgive him .
    this is the problem that makes it difficult for some single men to want to date a single mother because most attimes she would soon have something for the father of her children ,u just wasted that poor guy life ,anyway here we go again ur husband is playing u promising he wants to bring u to American , because he sees u as a fool .

    if u go to him without proper planning ,u would be dissapointed ,until he calls for u don’t go to him ,except maybe u would be able to manage the street of America incase it doesn’t work out .

    it is only in Nigeria that u are the man’s wife ,overthere she is the legal wife and she can sue u that u are trying to break her marriage ,since it is obvious they married there ,she has more right than u over here over the opportunist husband u have.

    no man leaves his family for another woman and u think he loves u ,if they use juju on him then when did the juju clear from his eyes ,all this lies that don’t hold no water ,who cleared his eyes ,if he knows they use juju why did he go back ,this man is self-centered ,u are just manipulated

    anyway I don’t blame u ,he is the father of ur children ,and u would rather risk to be with him that to start with another man ,even when u had the opportunity .

    Again do not go to him ,till u are certain he made full arrangements for u over there ,and women often have strong backing in that place ,if that woman should report u ,u would not like what they would do to u .

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