True Life Story: How My Childhood Love Story Turned Into My Adult Life Trauma
Dear Jzhane,
My name is Rebecca (not real name). I am 35 years old, single. I need to talk to a therapist or counsellor. I think something is wrong with me. My parents have been saying so these past few years, I did not believe them but I am beginning to think they are right, something is wrong. As a single lady, I have been in relationships, some were nice, others ,not so nice but I have never been able to find someone to settled down with for long term.
My parents are worried, that two of my younger sisters are married and already having kids and yet, I have no boyfriend or fiancé in sight, not to talk of marriage. Since I clocked 30, I stopped going home for Christmas because, all I hear from my folks is, when are you getting married, all your peers are married, etc. So, I stopped going to the village to avoid all that pressure talk.
But last December, my mom insisted that I must come or she will die….African mother and drama. So I travelled home for last Christmas. It was fun. My mom was trying her best to match make me but I was never interested. One morning, my mom came to wake me to talk to me…to ask me why I am not doing anything about marriage. I told her that I was not interested in marriage. My mother was shocked and said it can never be in Jesus name.
I went on to explain to my mom that the reason I do not want to marry is because, many years ago, under her roof, her own brother and I, had a relationship for five years. From when I was 14 to 19 years old. Yes, my uncle disvirgined me and we were having a secret affair for five years. I got pregnant four times and Collins, my mom’s brother aborted it. The fourth abortion took out my womb. I was 17 years old.
Collins and I were in love but we knew the love was an abomination. So, we continued to hide it. Collins and I then made a blood covenant to never marry anyone else in life. Collins made that commitment cos he felt since he was responsible for my womb being taking out, then we must marry. That blood covenant was also part of our secret marriage. And then, I went to University at age 19.
At Uni, I met a guy who was really after me. He kept pursuing me but I told him I had a boyfriend back home. This guy in school persuaded me, that my boyfriend back home would never find out. So, in my year two in school, I started dating this guy called Tiger back in school. It was exactly 21 days after that I got a call from home that Collins had died. He died under a mysterious circumstance cos he was not sick.
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I was shook to my core. I felt so bad, and guilty. I mourned Collins for a long time. One my way to school one day, in a motor park, one of these prophets that go around giving people prophesies sighted me and told me that death was hanging around me cos of a covenant that I made with a man that has died. She said I broke the covenant, that is why the man died. The prophet also said, any man that I try to be with will end up dying cos the covenant is still strong.
All these information, I hid and never told anyone. What I noticed was, any man that I dated, I do not stay more than six months with them, when its more than six months, something happens. They either break up with me or they just disappear and in one case, one died in an accident. So, since all these years, I have been unlucky in relationships. I decided now that its best I do not get married. Better to stay alone.
After I told my mom all these things, my mom started crying for not being aware that her younger brother was abusing his niece under her roof. I told her not to cry but she has been going from one white garment church to another, seeking deliverance for me. Personally, I do not want to marry. I do not want anyone to be hurt or dead because of me…I cannot handle the guilt. A friend of mine said I am traumatized from my childhood taboo relationship with my uncle, and referred me to lively stones.
I think that may be the issue. I do not think I am possessed, I think I am traumatized. How does one deal with such trauma? I still feel linked to Uncle Collins. Like I should never be with any other man in this life except him and since he is dead, I should remain single or face the guilt and disaster for the rest of my life. I sometimes blame myself for Collins death….maybe if I did not date someone else in school….he may still be alive…The funny thing is, even though I have been in a few relationships, I have never desired marriage with anyone else ever.
So you see, something is wrong with me…is this what trauma looks like? I thought I was in love with Collins but I think Collins stole my childhood from me. What should I do about it?
Anonymous
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Chaiii,this story is so pathetic. Collins took advantage of you because of your naivety.
Just seek deliverance,pray and all will be well,seek deliverance so that the covenant you made with Collins will be broken,the oath you made with him has to be destroyed.
It is well, parents still have alot to do,for five years your mum’s brother took advantage of you and no one noticed,you even aborted 4times and no one knew. Chaiiii,nawaooooo
I really feel for you dear. Your uncle Collins took advantage of your naivety and spoiled your childhood. You were a child at 14 who didn’t really know her left from right largely due to negligence from your mom who was so careless and blind that her child committed abortions right under her nose without her finding out .
BUT THERE IS SOLUTION.
No case is above God.
You need your creator to recreate you and give you back your life.
Don’t ever think you are past saving or can’t have the good life you wish for. You can.
GOD CAN DELIVER YOU IF YOU ARE WILLING.
Start by asking God for mercy in genuine repentance. Pray with all your heart in your closet. Tell him to forgive you.
Then you need to locate a Bible believing church where deliverance is conducted.
Prayerfully search for one. God will lead you. Meet the Pastor and explain everything to him. I believe through prayers, that bondage placed on you through the blood covenant will be broken by God’s power in Jesus name. Amen
It is well with you.
It’s pathetic.
It a pity you have been living with such experiences.
I want to know that your actions were influenced by your uncle at your time of ignorance.
Trust God that you can be happy get married, be loved and have a family.
Your uncle is late and you can’t bring him back but you can change your situation through faith in God.
Remove fear and renew your mind because you can still marry and noting will go wrong.
But you must be willing to fight and take a hold of your change.
Go to God sincerely in prayers. Seek His face. Give your life to Jesus and join a faith believing Church. Step to your pastor. Join some prayer fellowships like NSPPD and trust God for deliverance.
You deserve to live, love and be loved and having your family.
All the best.
This is very pathetic. You are indeed a victim of parental negligence. Nevertheless, there is balm in Gilead and the great Physician is still there. Just sincerely surrender your life to Him, He will forgive your past and give you a brand new beginning. Look for a genuine man of God to conduct deliverance on you and your case will be turned around. I believe your tomorrow shall be better than today. If you need any further help you can contact me.