Hello Jzhane,
Please keep me anonymous. As a faith based relationship blog, I want to know what Lively Stones can advise about my situation. Are S.e.xual fantasies good or bad as long as you don’t act on them? I have been battling this situation for over 15 years now. I am a Christian by the grace of God and I know what the bible says about homoS.e.xuality so I have never been physically with a man.
It all started while I was working in Abuja and sharing a flat then with a colleague. This guy had a girlfriend who comes over to spend the night and I could hear them making love from my room most times. I want to be honest, at the time, I did not have a girlfriend but hearing someone making such S.e.xual noises aroused me and I would just masturbate to their moaning or block my ears with my ear piece.
Jokingly, I would tell my friend to keep it down cos they were oppressing me. Then one day, my friend told me that the girlfriend had a crush on me and has asked me to join them for a threesome. of course I shot it down immediately. This guy and his girl kept asking me and begging me…I told them I can never have a threesome cos its wrong for me as a believer.
Then after a while, the guy asked me to f8ck his girl while he watched….I said no as well….then he sent the girl to me…soon as she hears me coming out of my bathroom…she comes into my room…trying to seduce me…one day, she did everything to seduce, even told me my friend was not around….that we can have S** but she will describe it to him. She wore me down and I agreed…after everything, she was so happy.
Her man came back later and thanked me…he was like…his girlfriend has not stopped talking about me since. I told him he and his girl are crazy but whatever…since it was making them happy…no qualms. A few weeks later, she came again and said my friend was not around…after much coercing, I agreed….we were doing it in my room when her man came in …stark naked with a very big hard on….
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My flat mate was like he can’t hold himself…that he wants to watch us…I refused but they both pressured me until I agreed…the guy was wanking himself as me and his girl fcked. This continued for a while until I got another job and moved out of that apartment. What I noticed after that was, I got addicted to watching prn of men having s3 with other men. I would say watching man watch me have S** triggered my curiosity really about having S** with men.
I tried everything to pray and fast and block the urge away from me but I couldn’t. Then I got married. I realized that even when I am making love to my wife, I am thinking and seeing myself like I am with a man…before I got married, I even tried to ask my girlfriends for anal S** and some agreed and some did not agree. Now, as a married man, I tried to do anal with my wife but she refused straight away. Every time I pray to God to remove this desire from me but its still there.
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I have never spoken to anyone about this but I fear seriously that I am gay or biS.e.xual (not saying I want to do it)….and even though I have never slept with a man before….every time I sleep with my wife, I fantasize that I am having S** with a man. Everyday, I read some affirmations of the word of God to help me renew my mind…I don’t watch p*rn anymore….but I tell you for a fact…anytime I make love to my wife….I never enjoy it except I fantasize that my wife is a man. I
Please what else can I do about this? Or should I just forget about it since I have never really done the physical with a man…only the mental aspect…I am ashamed to reveal this secret, not even my wife knows….she only knows one time I tried to insert myself into her anus, which she refused…. but I just want to share with you because I want to know if there is anyway I can be able to finally overcome this. I have read in some places online that S.e.xual fantasies are alright as long as you don’t act on them, is that right?
Its just fantasies but I still worry about it….and sometimes I feel guilty about it …is this normal for some people; after all, I have no desire to really do it in real life…just my fantasies…one is allowed to have fantasies’ right…is that wrong to have fantasies? I swear, I have never done it and will not do it in real life but for the fantasies…please advice me.
Anonymous,
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U pray to God about it ,this is the part of God I do not really understand ,
U are only bothered because u are a believer there are millions of people out there who won’t even care ,infact if they feel it they would go ahead and do it ,URS is different u sha prayed about it ,and it hasn’t stop so what else do u want to do ?
When people talk about how much they try to please God I begin to wonder ,if it should be so ,does he not want u to be righteous ,why then must u struggle to be righteous ,I do not want to say too much
But mr,just enjoy Ur life ,,lemme ask u one question what do u think u should do that u haven’t done to stop the fantasies ,do u know that there are pastors that are gay ,there are church people that are gay ,but they would be in church with their suit and tie praising ….,and they don’t care ,so don’t u think URS is better .
Some things the more u struggle to take it off Ur life the more it register in Ur life ,if I say don’t think about cat for the next 10 minutes ,what comes to Ur mind during that 10 minutes ? Of course u would think of it (cat)severally
U can’t please God u can only try ,if u have prayed about it and it doesn’t go then forget about it ,let it slide .u are far better than some people ,many do extra ordinary strange things ,but don’t care .
We do make mistakes ,but do we necessarily have to suffer for it for life huh .look at u desiring anal from Ur wife but she is rejecting it ,and there is also a believer woman somewhere who desires anal but her husband would not give it to her ,life’s not balance they say .
The best way to kill a desire in u is to tell it to someone ,if u are a man lusting after another woman ,just look at Ur wife and say babe ,mehn I think I am lusting after that woman ,I don’t know what happened but I am ,and laugh over it ,I suggest u tell Ur wife Ur fantasies ,
Whatever u try to hide the more it consume u the more .
You need to really understand who you are and your value systems are. Life is not about fantasies and all. There is more to life that what eye see. If you don’t stand for something you will keep falling under the pressure of your fantasy and that may cost you more even your family. You need to put everything into consideration and start focusing on the things that matter more
It is good you want to please God and He sees your heart.
1 Cor 6:9 tells us Gods will about homoS.e.xuality
‘Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the S.e.xually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have S.e.x with men.’
Jesus explained that one has sinned just by imagining the thoughts/ fantasying.
‘But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.’ Matt 5:28
The enticement/ fantastics can eventually lead to a physical act.
‘But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed’. James 1:14
You can easily break free under the anointing, if your heart is crying for help and an anointed minister minsters ‘deliverance’ from that oppression of the enemy which you opened yourself up to in the past and commands that evil spirit to leave you.
‘So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.’ John 8:36
In private you can embark on a 3 days dry fast listening to anointed messages and praying, you may feel like yawning several times as the spirits leave.
You must put on the whole armour of God to stand against the schemes of the enemy and take in lots of the word
( ‘Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind’. Rom 12:2a)
to destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ.
Avoid any film, picture, place, sites that can bring back those cravings. Speak to your mind and resist evil thoughts.
‘When an evil spirit leaves a person, it goes into the desert, seeking rest but finding none. Then it says, ‘I will return to the person I came from.’ So it returns and finds its former home empty, swept, and in order. Then the spirit finds seven other spirits more evil than itself, and they all enter the person and live there. And so that person is worse off than before.’ Matt 12:43 -45
‘For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ’ 2 Cor 10:3-5
Fight the fight of faith. Stand fast in your liberty in Christ.
All the best
Dear Poster,
If you drink water, it will do you good. Can the same be said of sniper? But they’re both fluids…
You can liken this analogy to fantasy. If it’s healthy, it builds, if not, it destroys…
The fantasy you’re entertaining feeds your flesh, and distance you from your deliverer – God. So, don’t find it strange your prayers carries no fire.
Rather than feed the flesh, feed your spirit. That’s, your heart, where God dwells. How?
• Study His word, meditate on it, confess it in your heart always. His word is a tool in the hands of the Holy Spirit
• Act on His word. Honour Him by obeying His word, then watch and see…
Know this, the S.e.xual urge you’re experiencing towards men is an attack. However, don’t make it your focus. Read what God says in John 16:33 and Romans 8:37
Rather, grow your relationship with God as directed above. In addition, seek a genuine man of God for deliverance.
Another thing.The devil strives in secrecy. So, open up to your wife. Tell her your struggle with this strange urge.
Remain blessed.
Fasting and prayer along with therapy is your best bet.