Please keep me anonymous. As a faith based relationship blog, I want to know what Lively Stones can advise about my situation. Are S.e.xual fantasies good or bad as long as you don’t act on them? I have been battling this situation for over 15 years now. I am a Christian by the grace of God and I know what the bible says about homoS.e.xuality so I have never been physically with a man.
It all started while I was working in Abuja and sharing a flat then with a colleague. This guy had a girlfriend who comes over to spend the night and I could hear them making love from my room most times. I want to be honest, at the time, I did not have a girlfriend but hearing someone making such S.e.xual noises aroused me and I would just masturbate to their moaning or block my ears with my ear piece.
Jokingly, I would tell my friend to keep it down cos they were oppressing me. Then one day, my friend told me that the girlfriend had a crush on me and has asked me to join them for a threesome. of course I shot it down immediately. This guy and his girl kept asking me and begging me…I told them I can never have a threesome cos its wrong for me as a believer.
Then after a while, the guy asked me to f8ck his girl while he watched….I said no as well….then he sent the girl to me…soon as she hears me coming out of my bathroom…she comes into my room…trying to seduce me…one day, she did everything to seduce, even told me my friend was not around….that we can have S** but she will describe it to him. She wore me down and I agreed…after everything, she was so happy.
Her man came back later and thanked me…he was like…his girlfriend has not stopped talking about me since. I told him he and his girl are crazy but whatever…since it was making them happy…no qualms. A few weeks later, she came again and said my friend was not around…after much coercing, I agreed….we were doing it in my room when her man came in …stark naked with a very big hard on….
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My flat mate was like he can’t hold himself…that he wants to watch us…I refused but they both pressured me until I agreed…the guy was wanking himself as me and his girl fcked. This continued for a while until I got another job and moved out of that apartment. What I noticed after that was, I got addicted to watching prn of men having s3 with other men. I would say watching man watch me have S** triggered my curiosity really about having S** with men.
I tried everything to pray and fast and block the urge away from me but I couldn’t. Then I got married. I realized that even when I am making love to my wife, I am thinking and seeing myself like I am with a man…before I got married, I even tried to ask my girlfriends for anal S** and some agreed and some did not agree. Now, as a married man, I tried to do anal with my wife but she refused straight away. Every time I pray to God to remove this desire from me but its still there.
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I have never spoken to anyone about this but I fear seriously that I am gay or biS.e.xual (not saying I want to do it)….and even though I have never slept with a man before….every time I sleep with my wife, I fantasize that I am having S** with a man. Everyday, I read some affirmations of the word of God to help me renew my mind…I don’t watch p*rn anymore….but I tell you for a fact…anytime I make love to my wife….I never enjoy it except I fantasize that my wife is a man. I
Please what else can I do about this? Or should I just forget about it since I have never really done the physical with a man…only the mental aspect…I am ashamed to reveal this secret, not even my wife knows….she only knows one time I tried to insert myself into her anus, which she refused…. but I just want to share with you because I want to know if there is anyway I can be able to finally overcome this. I have read in some places online that S.e.xual fantasies are alright as long as you don’t act on them, is that right?
Its just fantasies but I still worry about it….and sometimes I feel guilty about it …is this normal for some people; after all, I have no desire to really do it in real life…just my fantasies…one is allowed to have fantasies’ right…is that wrong to have fantasies? I swear, I have never done it and will not do it in real life but for the fantasies…please advice me.
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