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True Life Story: I Am Still In Love With My Ex But What Is Wrong About This?


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True Life Story: I Am Still In Love With My Ex But What Is Wrong About This?

Good day Lively Stones,

I need your advise. My name is Beatrice (Not real name). I am sorry for coming to share my issue but I cannot open up to anyone around me. Four years ago, I broke up with a guy that truly loved me. He was very good to me but another man came along and I got carried away by material things. My ex was a good man but he was not really ready for marriage and this new guy blinded me with marriage proposal and many gifts.

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I broke up with my ex amid his begging and crying. God knows, even on my wedding night, as my husband was making love to me, my mind was with my ex. And that happened many nights during my marriage. I always fantasied about my ex anytime my husband was making love to me. I  also could not stop chatting with my ex. I know its wrong but the heart want what it wants. I tried to cut off when I got pregnant. My ex was heartbroken but he respected my wishes and left me alone.

A year and a half later, my husband died in an accident. It was so sudden and I became a widow. It was a very painful period for me. And the only person that really helped me through it was my ex. He was really a rock for me. He prayed for me, I cried to him many times on the phone and even though we never saw physically, he was like the therapist that helped me through the grieving process.

ALSO READ: My Boyfriend Dumped Me For His Ex-My Heart Is Broken Because He Still Loves Me

My husband’s culture demands that the wife of a widow wear a white cloth for one year to mourn her husband before she can take off the cloth and remarry. I did not mind cos I wanted to honor my husband. He was a good man. Besides, I did not want any quarrel with my in-laws. I have a son for them and the son deserves his inheritance from his father. I never wanted anything to make the family deny him that.

Its almost one year now for me to remove the mourning cloth for my late husband. My ex and I have grown so close and we have decided to get married since life has given us another chance at being together. I told my mother in confidence about me and my ex and she vehemently rejected the idea of getting back to my ex. She said people will think that I was cheating with him when I was married for me to go back to him immediately my husband died.

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Now, my mother had told my dad and he too is against it. I told them that I do not care what people will say cos I know my conscience is clear but my parents are saying I will ruin even my son’s inheritance cos my late husband’s family will suspect me too and deny me and my son any inheritance. They are saying I should marry anyone else but not my ex.

The thing is, I regret not marrying my ex before. Maybe I would not have been a widow today. Only God truly knows. But why is it a taboo for me to be with him now? I am a free woman by God and by custom? I will be taking off my cloth by month end….why can I not be allowed to be with the man of whom I have dreamt about even during my 2 years of marriage?

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The my mother said, what if people accuse me of killing my husband so I can go back to my ex…is she being serious? How can people think that? Please I need your help. I love this man, like I said, he has been my rock and confidant…my best friend. Why can’t I marry him even after I have done my duties to my late husband and the society? I need your advice please.


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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. You will marry your ex but not now,you have seen that all that glitters is not gold, material things don’t last forever.

    You will stay for another one year before getting married to him(ex) or anyone else.

    Please respect yourself,the dead,your son and family. Don’t be in a hurry to be with anyone,be careful,I’m sure you were seeing your ex while your husband was still alive ,just be guided. Listen to your parents,they know better.

    Wait,hold on , before talking marriage,take care of your young son before introducing him to a step dad. Final answer is to wait for another 1 or 2 years,I rest my case. God bless you

  2. You can date secretly for like a year or two while weighing how things are going. But not now….it will definitely raise eye brows about your ex husbands’ death. Your ex should be willing to wait that long for you if he really loves you. Besides,you’re not really breaking up,it’s just descretly dating while allowing time to pass so people can forget. And when the time comes,maybe you both should hide the fact that this guy is your ex. Nobody needs to know,so make sure your parents keep it to themselves.

  3. Getting married immediately after your mourning period is over would not make anything better. It won’t make you more in love, it won’t correct your mistake of not marrying your ex earlier, it won’t do nothing!

    You just finished mourning your late husband, my dear! Rest! Starting afresh in life and taking good care of your child should be your goal not jumping into another marriage. Work on your business or personal goals. Give yourself time.

    And if your ex is who you say he is, he should be patient and work with you on the low. Let him try to win the love of your parents. In another two years, you can tell your in-laws of your plan to remarry.
    Regret and rushing things will not do any good. Please be more patient. This new love awaits you for the next 50 years; there’s no need to rush into it. Think of your son too, please

    • I see we were thinking alike ….she needs time. Lot’s of time to get over the whole mourning and looking after her baby. All these while trying to rekindle the old flame. The guy could be serious or messing with her. So she needs time to study this guy very well.


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