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True Life Story: I Am Worried About The Future Of My Upcoming Marriage-Pls Advise

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True Life Story: I Am Worried About The Future Of My Upcoming Marriage-Pls Advise

Hi Lively Stones,

My name is Bibi (not real name). I am a first class graduate in Public relations. During my NYSC I was posted to work in an Oil and gas company, I was very happy because its not easy to get posted to such companies. I worked in Admin division. Due to my performance, I was told I would be retained after my service year. Again, I was so happy.

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The pay is good and there is career prospect in this company. Last year, one of the engineers started being friendly with me. He actually liked me, I liked him as well but he is a yoruba guy, I have never dated someone outside of my ethnicity. I am an Igbo girl. Igbo parents do not take kindly to their children marrying outside their kind.

Although, personally I do not discriminate. I just know it would be very hard to convince my parents and I am prepared to that if I find the right man that is not Igbo. We went on a few dates but I got drafted to assist in a board of directors meeting and that was how I met the Chairman of the company. He admired how I did my work because I assisted in preparing the board presentation and asked that I be transferred to his office to assist his executive assistant.

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Truly, this was a big career move for me. I learnt alot working from the office of the chairman. I attended meetings with him and his EA, at some point, he became comfortable with my work that he can ask me directly to do some things for him. Sometimes, his EA, James travels with him and so I travel along. That is how I started travelling too with the Chairman.

Godwin, the engineer that was dating me started complaining that he does not see me anymore. I told him that he should break up with me if my career is now too demanding for him. He was not happy. Next he said, I should be careful of the chairman, that he likes women alot. Well, I have seen the chairman with women and his wife does not seem to mind.

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James, the EA to the chairman says that the chairman’s marriage is just for show…that they are not bothered about what both of the do. That the wife who is in charge of the company secretariat has been rumored to have had an affair with some board members and outside people. That she even sees some of the girls the chairman brings to their mansion to sleep with…while she herself is in another part of the mansion.

We travelled to Dubai for some business meetings and the chairman allowed me to go and have fun after the meetings later on. It was my first time in Dubai…I wish I had someone to go out with but James didn’t come with us so I was alone. The chairman called me to join him at a party and when I got there, I noticed he was treating me like his date not his assistant.

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Most of the people I met at the party treated me like they thought I was the chairman’s girlfriend. Afterwards, the chairman asked me to come with him to his apartment. I tried to tell him I was tired but he said I should relax, that he wont bite me. I followed him. he invited me to smoke shisha with him which I refused because I have never smoked before but he was like, its harmless.

I smoked shisha with him…he started making advances towards me and asked me to just relax cos he would make sure he changes my life and that I would get anything I wanted that money can buy. I should have said no but I think I was already feeling him with the smoking and slight drinking we had at the party. I had my first s3x with the chairman that day.

When he realized I was a virgin, he was so surprised and asked me to marry him. I was like,…no … you are married…there is a huge age difference between us and I want to marry someone I am in love with. He sat me down and said his marriage is just a set up. That he cannot divorce his wife because its a business decision. Anyone who initiates divorce between both of them will loose their shares of the company.

So, the rumors were true. They are not the regular kind of married couple. Their marriage is just a business decision from day 1. But he is allowed to marry a second wife or be with any side chick he wants.  I told him I have to think about it. Since then, we have been sleeping together, he lavishes money on me. I told my parents ….they are very excited….Igbo people and money are 5 and 6

I started noticing James was giving me attitude since he found out my relationship with the chairman. I think he is afraid that small me will soon be his boss wife and be giving him attitude. And the chairman also started feeling jealous anytime he sees me chatting with James. He even shouted at James for talking to me in his presence.

One day, the chairman was with me and said I have to take an oath that I will never sleep with any man. My parents are saying its not a big deal cos they know I can never cheat during my marriage. Chairman is obsessed with me. He asked me to think of any where I want to work or business  I want to do, because he does not want me to work in the company cos of the wife and people will be talking when they see a boss having a relationship with a subordinate.

My issue is this: I love the chairman (or I think I do), he is very caring and generous but he is also very possessive. He thinks because I am young, every man will be trying to lure me away from him. He got me a job in an advertising company that is a subsidiary of the company. When I resigned from the company, Godwin called me to ask me about the rumors he was hearing that I was dating the chairman. I told him that we are engaged, not dating.

Godwin is telling me not to marry the chairman because he is also hearing rumor that the chairman is doing everything to get me because marrying a virgin helps him keep him very wealthy. That I am not the only girl the chairman has dated before, but I am the first he wants to marry.

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When I told my mother about what Godwin said, she said that I should not listen to Godwin because everyone knows the general belief that when an older man marries a younger virgin woman, he will live longer cos the woman will keep him active and very rich. That its nothing spiritual and nothing to fear.

So now, my concern is, he is only marrying me because I was a virgin and he wants to keep feeling younger and maybe get richer…he may not really be in love with me. I do not mind the age but I want to be sure he loves me. My mother said, I should stop talking about love, that older generation show love to their wives by the way they spend on the wife.

The chairman spends big on me…is that enough to show he loves me? We are clearly from different generations. What I see as sometimes possessive, he says he is just being caring. We do not talk about things a normal boyfriend would ask….like how are you feeling, etc…when we make love, he is very good in bed  but also very wild. That is something that bothers me. I feel he is more interested in his performance than how he pleases me.

Why I say he is good in bed is because for his age, he bangs like a young bull but he is not affectionate. I wonder how he gets the strength from. I am even the one who gets tired after 2 rounds…he can go for 4 or 5 rounds…I even asked him if he is using s3x drugs…he laughed and said he is a lion and that is why ladies love him.  If I marry him, I will live a  wealthy life but will I be really happy or one day end up like his first wife, where it will just be like a business arrangement?

Everyone says I have nothing to worry about….all I need is to make myself happy as long as the husband continues to provide for me. I am 26…he is 64. I don’t know what the future holds for both of us…money and being well taken care of…I know but what else…I really don’t know. My parents have already accepted him but is this a good decision for me?

Anonymous

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Jzhane
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

10 COMMENTS

  1. It will end in tears…let me not say anymore than that. And shame on your parents especially your mother for pushing you into something like this.

    It is well.

  2. Your parents are the real problem you have,I pray this wealth you are longing for will not put all of you in problem one day.
    Truth be told,you can’t marry that man,he spends alot on you right,why not establish yourself and leave him alone,or have you taken the oath with him already?
    Do not listen to your parents,they are only interested in the money you give them and not your wellbeing.
    Be careful nne,you are young and do not need this bondage of a marriage, EGEBULIKWE?
    Run ooooo,biko run,he spokes shisha and that’s where the source of his strength comes from when he is sexually active. All that glitters no be gold,you are a first class graduate,leave him and get another job elsewhere. My dear ,you never see husband oooo. I rest my case,any decision you are taking now,please think of your children, generation,the kind of father they would have,@64 almost 70 he still drinks and smokes,and also womanizes and you think he will not marry a younger girl tomorrow.

  3. ….run for your life, money is good but cannot and answers all BUT don’t provide all. Happiness is key. Think about it “you re married to a wealthy man and ur Happiness and comfort is under the carpet…”
    Please look smart and establish yourself. Don’t marry him.

    My take .

  4. This one that u claim that u already engaged to the chairman means that u hv or thinking of taking the oath.with many questions marks in this relationship, I will ask what are u willing to trade for ur peace of mind? If u can honestly answer this question then u will be able to decide.

  5. Your parents should be ashamed of themselves for encouraging you into this kind of union because of their greed for money. It’s nauseating to me. Na wah oo.

    My advice? Run for your life. You are in the center of the charade. You will be the one to bear the consequences when they start rolling in. Your parents will only be by the side and tell you to “endure”.
    If you want to be happy for You and Yourself in life, don’t allow anyone to push you into this agric fowl cage you are about to enter. Be wise

  6. Its clear you are a self centered lady and covetous lady. Why do we women act like this, you have confirmed that being a virgin doesn’t mean being well mannered and decent.

    I want you to read your story yourself and see how irresponsible it is. Your mother especially is really a terrible woman.

    Virgin and your fell yakata like that and started fornicating and lost your manners. We ladies of this generation are badly behaved no wonder many men are no longer getting married.

    I hope you have a rethink about your life.

  7. My dear, you’re eating away your destiny. Do you think as a first class graduate you won’t attain and achieve more than this man is offering you? He’s buying off your virtue, intelligence, peace, financial security and ultimately imprisoning you for life. How many of your mates are virgins @ 26 and had attained that height in life? Was this man there all along, of course not. You have kept your virginity all these while for the right man under the right ceiling only to loose it cheaply over mundane things of this life.
    My dear ,go back to your creator, who’s been there at the very beginning and has brought you this far;so He completes the beautiful work He has started in your life. Confess your sins and amend your ways! Shalom!!

  8. First, the truth is that the man will not treat your marriage to him as a business arrangement the way he does with his first wife. This is because the wife is probably from a wealthy family or built the company with him, hence the arrangement. So stopping having hopes on the marriage as a business arrangement. Secondly, the man is smart for making arrangements for the cheating clause in the oath. Meaning he can cheat but you can’t. Doesn’t that ring a bell to yoi? Thirdly, it is obvious that you’ve personally made up your mind and it’s not just about your parents and friends suggestions but ask yourself sincerely if you will be able to live the rest of your life with the attending consequences.

  9. […] ALSO READ: True Life Story: I Am Worried About The Future Of My Upcoming Marriage-Pls Advise […]

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