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True Life Story: I Feel Used By My Boyfriend And I Want Revenge


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True Life Story: I Feel Used By My Boyfriend And I Want Revenge

Good evening Lively Stones,

I am pissed and I need somewhere to vent my anger. I am venting cos I just spent the last 4 months of my life with a man who claimed that he loved me, yet he was using me for S**. The whole thing started in May, I got a job in Lagos. I had been unemployed since I left school in 2017, so I have been hustling but I applied for a marketer job I saw online and I got the offer.

The only problem was, I had only one relative in Lagos and when I called her, she said her place is small but if I can manage, I can come. So, I travelled to lagos and when I got to the park, I called my relative for several hours but her no was switched off. That no is switched off toll date.

This made me panic cos I have heard horrible stories about lagos. I had not where to go to, so I placed a message on our school alunmui whatsapp group that I am stranded in Lagos and I need temporary accommodation. That is how this guy that left our school two years before me, reached out to say I can come stay with him if I do not min staying with a guy. I asked a few people about him, and they told me that he was a good guy back in school.

ALSO READ: True Life Story: My Husband Got Me Into This Mess But Things Have Become Very Messy

So, that is how I moved to his place and started staying with him. It was the third night of staying with him that I noticed he was looking at me like he had interest in me. I had to avoid him as much as possible but by the fifth day, he asked me if I had a boyfriend or fiance…I told him no…he said he is looking for a wife but does not like Lagos girls. That is how this guy convinced me that he liked me and before long, we were in a relationship.

To me, I did not mind dating him after all, he is a nice guy. In fact too nice. He used to even call my family members just to make them know he is taking care of me in Lagos. I lost my job in August cos I could not make the target in the marketing job and Nonso was so nice to me…gave me money, took care of me…honestly, I thought it was true love.

Everyone around me was happy for me cos even though I lost the job I came to do in Lagos, at least, I found love…all was well until first week in December. Nonso asked me if I was travelling for Christmas and I said no..cos I dont have any money …he said he will give me. So, I agreed. So, next day, he gave me 20k that I should use it to travel to my place for Christmas. I was suspicious, like why is he like in a hurry for me to travel.

So, I told him that I will not travel again….that my people said the road is not safe this December. Nonso did not agree…he said I must travel and come back end of January. I had to ask him to explain why he wants me to leave so suddenly…he kept saying nothing…that he is expecting his cousins. To me, I wanted to meet his cousins cos I have not met any member of his family and he has spoken to almost all the members of my family.

Nonso said he is not ready for his family to meet me. That was when I got upset and we quarreled….and in anger, he told me that his wife and children are coming for Christmas. I was what wife and children? Nonso explained that he has a wife and children abroad and they are coming for Christmas and they will leave in the middle of January next year. I was dumbfounded…I asked him why he lied to me and he said he did not lie ….that I did not ask …so he kept quiet.

Yes, I never asked him if he was married cos I saw no evidence of him married or in a relationship at any time…he covered his tracks very well. I swear…I never saw a hint…so now, Nonso’s plan is that I will be his naija wife while his wife will secure his opportunity to be able to travel abroad one day. So, yes….Nonso asked me to leave…that if I want, we can reconcile next year or I can move on.

That is why I am so pissed. I took the 20k and wanted to travel home but a friend I met at work when I was doing marketing job said I can stay with her until next Nonso’s wife goes back. So now…this is my situation. What should I do..? Should I go stay with my friend and come back later for Nonso? How do I know Nonso is not lying to me about marrying me as second wife?

More importantly, Nonso’s wife is not aware of me…I feel so upset….I do not know if he is just using me for just S**. If he wants to take me as second wife, shouldn’t his wife know? What if I am seen as a homewrecker. One mind is doing me to get revenge on Nonso by telling his wife but one mind still is in love with Nonso….I just cant believe such a nice guy like Nonso can do this to me.

More importantly, I don’t have a job yet…Nonso is my savior in the city… if I leave him…its back to square one for me. Maybe the second wife thing is not so bad…what do you think….is this marriage promise a scam or will it happen?…Please advise me…what should I do?


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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Nonso will not marry you. All you had with him was a ‘nice’ romance. Move on. If your friend can help you get a job or better still allow it stay with her until you get another job, that will be better.
    As for Nonso, do not plan any revenge. He owes you nothing and you are the only one feeling used. While it lasted, it was sweet for both of you.
    Move on with your life and forget that relationship, at least you have learnt your lesson.

  2. Aunty,

    Nonso didn’t use you, what u guys had was mutual.

    Learn to always ask questions, no matter how real it looks, assumptions never helped anyone o.
    You only assumed he was single, which turned out to be a false

    If you think he’ll marry you as second wife, you need to wake up from that slumber.

    No sane wife will accept to share her hubby with another woman, even if his religion permits.

    You gats move on and find yourself a single man, desist from having anything to do with a married man.

    You never knew he was married, now that you know, please stay away from him and have PEACE, he belongs to another.

    Pray and ask God for directions as to whether to go back home or remain in Lagos, He’ll surely guide you, but you need to be vigilant spiritually and physically.

    It’s well with you ma

  3. Hi,

    Nonso will not marry you as 2nd wife, He is enjoying having free s.x and possibly free cooking / cleaning etc.

    Do not plan any revenge on Him. Leave his wife out too.

    If a man askes you to come stay with him, this is something that can happen , you should know and you walked into it, it was agreed mutually.

    While you are at your friend’s place, see if there is a church you can join, is there a group you can identify with, reach out to FEMALE leaders and see if they can help you settle, if nothing works rather than trading one’s body for s.x please go back to where you came from, your Parents home ?

    Ask God for forgiveness, don’t think of being 2nd wife to anyone, get close to God, look for an honest way to make it.

    All the best

  4. The second wife thing is a scam,Nonso is a confirm play boy,he is just too good at playing games,you think you are the only one he is seeing? If I hear say na only you him dey chop. Taaaaaaa

    You have two options……
    1… It is either you go back to your people and put yourself together or

    2….. You have to talk to your friend to help you with her house for the main time so that you can get another job,you better don’t hope on Nonso or whatever he is called. Move on, forget about him,he is a time waster ,how are you even sure his wife and kids are abroad? His main girlfriend would be coming soon,so he wants to discharge you sharp sharp,thank God he did not use you too much ooooo,it is well.

    You have to be very wise in your dealings with boys or men,be careful and be mindful of yourself. Don’t go close to Nonso,don’t even think of retaliating or revenging ooo,he can deal with you and remember you don’t have anyone in Lagos,you better be calming down and work on your temperament. I wish you all the best

  5. Dear Writer,

    It was a good time shared by Nonso and you.

    It hurts cos you were naive and assumed fantasy and luxury.

    You are your own saviour. I want to believe you are educated, so have faith and go in search of another job while putting up with your friend.

    Don’t seek any revenge, the guy actually saved you but he didn’t want to appear selfish hence he asked you out.

    Do not accommodate second wife option, move on and make your life count. Join some groups even in church and be valuable, network and grow.

    Focus on becoming independent and sponsoring others too. It begins from the liberation of your mind from dependency and entitlement.

    Grab any legal job for a start. God’s abundant grace.


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