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True Life Story: I Have Never Been Able To Trust My Fiancé After He Cheated


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True Life Story: I Have Never Been Able To Trust My Fiancé After He Cheated

Hi Lively Stones,

I just read a story on your blog about a husband’s weird s3xual behavior after 11 years of marriage. (Click here to read the story). Well, I think I know why t he woman’s husband was acting weird…its simple…he has tasted someone else who is like that and wants his wife to be like that too. I mean, he is cheating with another woman who likes to have s3x when he vagina is smelly and dirty. How am I so sure you may ask? Because the same thing happened to me.

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I am in a three year relationship. I love my man so much that I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with him. He has been everything to me but because of his job which was always posting him all over the country, we have not been able to fix a proper wedding date yet. Last year, we agreed that this year will not end without us getting married. And then something happened in March, he had an affair with a colleague at work,  who is married and both of them were made to face disciplinary panel and eventually fired.

My man tried to hide the reason for his job loss for almost a month but he later told me and begged for my forgiveness. He said he had to confess cos he knew God would not answer his prayers unless he confesses. While I should be happy he confessed but deep down in me, I wish he did not. Cos, something left me after that confession. I think I lost a huge part of me, I lost trust in him and I gradually began to fall out of love for him.

I told him he was forgiven but I could not let him touch me, I would get so angry when he tried to be intimate with me. I was hurting and wanted to scream. And then, I began to resent him and felt the urge to cheat on him back as revenge. The following month, he got another job. Still the same Business Development that was taking him all around the country. When he travels, I would begin to think wild thoughts about him cheating and that drove me very crazy.

Then I lost control and began to get close to this guy at work that I knew was a flirt. This guy was too happy I was giving him attention and he was game…we send each other dirty texts and a few Fridays ago, it was raining heavily at work and most people did not come…office was scanty….not much to do….we started texting and he mentioned weather for two. Like that, we ended up in the toilet and he fingered me until I had an orgasm. This was the first time I ever felt an orgasm and to think it happened with just fingers and not penetration. It was like a whole new world of discovery.

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Of course I felt guilty but I told myself it not real s3x…its just playing around. But guess what….when my man came and tried to be intimate, I find myself pushing his manhood away and guiding his hands into me…I want him to finger me like my colleague is doing. So, you see, how I know why that woman from Lively Stones story was acting weird and asking for raw smelly vagina sex. It the same thing happening to me… I really h@te myself for doing this but I felt I was getting my revenge for being cheated upon by my man. Much as I told myself it not real s3x, I cannot help the guilt I feel anytime I do it.

Sometimes, recently, I feel I should just break up from this relationship. It already feels like we cant make it anymore since the trust is gone. My man does not want to give up though but here I am allowing another man give me finger orgasms and its almost becoming an addiction…I do it almost every day at work or we close after work and do it in his car…. How can I still marry this man? Will that be wise of me?

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What if having this thing with my colleague blows up…what if he too will no longer trust me….will my man still want to marry me? Will he also forgive me since it is not really penetrative s3x…yes, my colleague has tried penetrative s3x with me….in addition to fingering but I have not allowed it…….I don’t know….I have tried to stop it but I cant. How can I? When I still work in the same company with this freaky colleague of mine? How do I resist him? What should I do please?


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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Dear poster,two wrongs don’t make right,be careful with the things you’re doing with your colleague…

    Ensure he washes his hands thoroughly before fingering you maka infection..

    Your man has apologized,forgive him and let go and if you know you’ve lost so much trust please end it rather than allow your colleague finger you everyday in the office …

    Stop doing that shit with your colleague because you might just get caught one day like your man and you might be fired,be wise!

  2. Dear poster I feel you should know that There’s nothing more counter-intuitive than revenge.

    How do you think it made you feel now? To know you did something to someone out of hate and stooped to their level.

    The best revenge is showing them how wrong they are

    The truth about revenge is that It won’t make you feel better. You may think it will right now because you’re hurting.

    But you will likely be disappointed at the end like what you’re feeling right now.

    If you really love this guy then maybe y’all can work it out. If that’s not possible then I’d say be the better person. Bow out gracefully. Re bait your hook. And go catch you a nicer, much more faithful fish. The seas are full of ‘em learn and do better best wishes.

  3. Dear Poster,

    You and your fiancé have crossed a line. You both should pack up and go

    Infidelity can be forgiven in a marriage but not in a courtship.

    Reason is: there are many stakes in marriage (forgiveness for spouse, children, time invested, compromises, etc), walking away in marriage is a last option especially in case of abuse or violence.

    For a courtship, the stakes are not that high. And if you condone a bad behavior in courtship, you have given it permission to control the marriage after.

    The above is my personal opinion.


  4. Dear Poster,

    Simply put, you do not love your fiancé. You only love the pleasure and excitement being derived from being with him.

    I am not going to justify his act. Neither am I going to say you cheated because he cheated.

    If are still doing what you are doing with your colleague and that makes you worst than he is.

    My advise, breakup with him and satisfy your sexual desires. Marriage is not meant for everybody.

    Love is a lot of things buy love is never payback.
    You did not state your age,but from you narration you are not ready to be in a married yet. Take time to conquer your desires and hormonal oscillations with time you will see the results and you be able to understand:

    You need to decide the direction of your life. Wake up and smell the coffee.

    I pray you find the path designed for you.

  5. Dear Poster,

    You have gone far with your colleague. The more you continue, the more you loose interest in your man. You should.end that risky act with your office guy.

    Covering the hurt by cheating doesn’t solve it.

    Heal and question yourself what you really need in your life. The colleague may not be ready for a relationship or marriage.

    Forgive your man and probably separate for now and deal with your issue.

    All the best.


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