True Life Story: I Have To Stop How My Father Has Been Tearing Down Our Family For So Long
Good day Lively Stones,
Guys, I am pissed off and not quite sure what I am going to do about this. My name is Freddie (not real name). I come from a very dysfunctional family and my father is my biggest problem. He and my mom have a very interesting relationship. I don’t understand both of them till today. I guess every marriage has its own problems right.
As a kid, I had issues with my dad, the way he treated me and my siblings and my mom. He never lived up to his responsibilities. Yes, he paid our school fees sometimes but most times, left his responsibilities to mom. He was also cheating on mom with various women. Why mom didn’t leave him is a mystery to me. She kept saying she stayed for her children. But her children were not even happy in the house.
Most of us were happy when we got into university, cos it gave us opportunity to run away from the home. I am the third out of three children. My elder ones are girls. After university, one of my sisters got married just to leave the house while the other one went abroad for her masters and never returned.
Me, after my university, I was also applying to get into Masters abroad. Somehow, in that time frame, my girlfriend got pregnant, and she was scared of removing it cos we had removed a few times before. So, we agreed to keep this one this time. During her pregnancy, I got accepted in Ukraine to do my masters. I had to leave my pregnant girlfriend behind. Her family didn’t accept her until I agreed to do marriage introduction.
After the introduction, the family said my girl can stay with me cos they dont want their daughter and pregnant in their house. And because I was travelling abroad, I had no choice but to allow her move into my family house. My dad as usual was shouting how I got someone pregnant when I am not ready to take responsibility, but my mom told me not to worry that my girl will be looked after.
When I finally travelled, my girl would tell me the various wahala that my dad was giving everyone, I just told her to stay away from him as much as possible. I tried to send her money from time to time but it was quite insignificant. My mother helped cos my girl didn’t have a job. But my girl kept telling me that my mom was always travelling and hardly around, so she was mostly all alone in the house.
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After my girl gave birth to our son, I noticed she had stopped complaining about my dad….when I asked how she was coping with my dad, she would say dad has calmed down…maybe because he has a grandson, and he likes playing with the baby. Infact, she said dad became more nicer to her, even gives her money. In my head, I thought he changed cos of his grandson. I was happy and even called dad a few times to thank him for taking care of my woman and my baby.
And then, the Ukraine war with Russia happened earlier this year. I had to stop my studies and run back home as things got worse. Barely a few weeks after I returned ho, I discovered my girl was pregnant. She was vomiting and having morning sickness….our boy is not even up to a year old. I was also perplexed that its not even a month since I returned and she is pregnant… how is that possible?
I queried her to tell me what was going on, she said she has never slept with anyone but me. I had to take her to the doctor for a test to know how many months is the pregnancy….she refused to go at first but I became very angry and almost beat her up before she agreed. At the clinic, they found out she was two and a half months pregnant. That was when she started crying, saying its my father.
That life was very difficult for her in the house when I was not around…that my mother was hardly around …she didn’t have money to eat or care for our baby so she went to my father who started giving her money but in exchange must have S** with her. She cried and begged me not to send her away….that she will remove the pregnancy. Of course, I told her to remove it immediately otherwise I do not want to see her again.
I called my mom and told her everything. My mom surprised me o. She told me she suspected my dad was sleeping with my girl but I should not blame the girl cos its not her fault…that dad would have made life horrible for her if she did not play ball…that she knows my father, he cannot see a female and not try to take advantage…my mom advised me to take my girl away from the house, rent a place so my dad will no longer take advantage.
My mom told me not to dump my girl otherwise, my father would have won….what a sick competition am I having with my dad? Secondly, my mom said cheating is not enough to divorce cos cheating is not the worst thing that someone can do to you…you see why my mom has not left the bastard called my dad? I love my girl but she betrayed me…I would have rather she starved than agree to f*ck my dad to survive….am I wrong for saying that? Is it not better she preserved her integrity than selling her p*ssy to stay alive?
Tell me why I should accept her after this? I get really enraged when I think of how many times my father must have f*cked her…how do I ever make her my wife after that? My mom says its no big deal, that I am being childish, I should forget my father’s actions so he wont cut me off his inheritance as the only son, that I should just take my family away (I dont even have money to get my own place now…how do I keep living under the same room as my dad)…am I being childish? How do I let my father alone after what he did?
As for my father….I need reasons why I should not waste him right now…. he has messed up my childhood…why should I let him mess up my life now? he f*cked my woman!!!…the mother of his grandchild!!!…I need advice on what to do with my woman and my dad…I am so enraged….
Anonymous
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Dear Writer,
Reading through this, I feel your pain and it is acceptable.
You are a good human being.
The foundation and the future are what I’m looking at this moment.
Sometimes, circumstances come back to let people know that we don’t own our lives and don’t have to force things. God should be invited over everything.
If your girl is willing to remove this baby, it’s cos you returned and met it a foetus. You would have been forced to father the child if she delivered it. Why abortion? She refused abortion and forced Introduction on you. If she loves you, she would have left or seek help from friends to survive than this shameful act.
Your dad has been this way and you must not stain your hands. It’s not about inheritance, it is about your knowledge of the foundation and concern of your future.
Take no life. Raise no alarm yet. Let your father be. No confrontation
Rise to your responsibilities. Be a man and a dad. Take the family you have and nuture it.
For your mum, forgive her but don’t swallow her words. They are words of a victim who has accepted defeat and prioritised society opinion over sanity and sound doctrine.
Find where you can cool off either alone while your woman goes to her family or go with your family for 2–3months, pray, think and put your hands to work.
Learn a skill by night and do a day job to survive. You must change your life and that of your family.
Don’t delay to leave your family house to breathe and think right.
Above all, pray for yourself to heal and function in God’s wisdom and purpose ,pray for your young family and ask God to build you to a sound, happier and better youngman.
When the chips are down and you’re standing as a man, you may have conversation with your with your siblings around.
I pray you heal completely and be able to be happy in life.
Well said.
sUCH an unfortunate Father and wife!
yOU have said my mind @Udunma 100%. Dear Poster, please work with this advice. You need time to heal and things to play out in your favour.
I won’t judge your wife for not going to meet her family when things became really rough for her. A family that was eager to send her out to her husband’s house just because she became pregnant knowing fully well the husband will not be around. Everyone has different ways of handling situations. Think it thoroughly and pray. Remember to forgive and forget is very important.
Ask yourself if another situation arises and your wife needs money, won’t she be forced to open her legs? It’s not going to be easy but you have to forgive and forget.
I come in peace.
Dear poster please forgive your family including your wife, remember they are still your family.
You left her all by herself and your father did wonders with her,what a shame!
.
Get a job and start from somewhere,it is well.
God bless you
Dear Poster, life has some challenges to throw at us but God always provide a solution all the way
Sorry for your fair shares of life’s experience
If you really love your woman as you said, please forgive her and move out from your father’s house and start afresh.
Seek assistance from your Mom and siblings to raise funds to relocate elsewhere with your young family
If you don’t care about the shame you will put your woman, her family and your family through, you can back out and move on with your life
I just want you to reasons if you had been around and available for her, this incident might not have happened
It’s bad of your Dad who took advantage of his daughter in-law. Shame to the Old man but leave him to God to deal with him.
But pray sincerely for God’s guidance to lead you
#Peace
You guys are not being real with this young man. The truth is,things will never be the same. Since the day that woman decided to open her legs for her father in law to do whatever he wants with her. What i know is that, if she ever reached a breaking point, she could have ran back home. If this man didn’t return,that lady was going to have that baby. I will be frank with you poster, with such anger,you won’t think straight but what i know is that any argument you have with your wife henceforth will always remind you of this incident. I rather you both separate but look after your son. move in with a friend or relative and start life afresh. There’s forgiveness but to forget is something most people can’t do and that is you being a normal human being. I can’t even imagine my mum sleeping with my husband, just sounds wrong in all ways one can imagine. This man has every right to choose peace of mind n sanity. May God direct the path you choose.
Dear writer, it’s easier said than done. Think about it thoroughly, check all your options, not just forgiving but you need to forget. If you can’t forget , there’s no way it would work between you and your wife if you plan on taking her back. Because each time you look at her you would always remember her and your dad having S.e.x. For you to have peace of mind, for you not to be a prisoner to yourself you need to forgive and forget. If not you will never be happy each time you see both your wife and your dad. If you decide to leave her it’s your choice. But all am saying is you need your sanity and for you to get that is to forgive and forget. Trust me even when something comes in the nearest future as a reminder you won’t get hurt when you remember. Forget the inheritance please. Work for your own family.
I won’t judge your wife for not going to meet her family when things became really rough for her. A family that was eager to send her out to her husband’s house just because she became pregnant knowing fully well the husband will not be around. Everyone has different ways of handling situations. Think it thoroughly and pray. Remember to forgive and forget is very important.
Ask yourself if another situation arises and your wife needs money, won’t she be forced to open her legs? It’s not going to be easy but you have to forgive and forget.
I come in peace.