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True Life Story: I Need A Man In My Life But I Am So Afraid To Choose


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True Life Story: I Need A Man In My Life But I Am So Afraid To Choose

Hi Lively Stones,

I am a single mother with 2 children. Still young (28) and beautiful but I suffered in an abusive marriage for 4 years before I ran away to Lagos with my children. I stayed with a cousin in her 2 bedroom apartment with her husband and children until I got a job as an auxiliary nurse in a hospital. Living with my cousin was hard. The husband started demanding for s3x anytime my cousin was not around. I was more fearful that he might even abuse my children if I am not watching.

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Having no one to turn to, I told my colleague at work what I was facing. She spoke to the chairman of our hospital and they have me loan to pay for a one room self contained where I moved in with my children. We had rest of mind for a while. My salary as AN is quite small, I sell petty things too but its still not enough.

It is my desire to remarry but I want God to direct me this time because I do not want to enter into another union that I will regret. By God’s grace, 2 men are seeking my hand in marriage. I need your help to decide which one to go with. The first guy is a doctor (he is 33) in my working place. He is also a divorcee.

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From what he told me, his ex-wife could not give birth and she left him after 6 years of marriage. According to him, she went and got pregnant for someone else and blamed him for their infertility. He showed me his medical reports and tests, that shows nothing is wrong with him. He is saying that he wants the woman he will marry next to get pregnant before he will marry cos he does not want any issues.

To me getting pregnant before marriage was one of the cause of my abusive marriage. My ex husband said he never wanted to marry me, that he felt pity that I got pregnant and I pressured him to marry me…and everyday he regrets that decision, so he punches me at any slight provocation.

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I wish to get married and have at least one more child but I want to be married first before pregnancy. This is not going well with the doctor. And because of that,I am hearing rumors that I am not the only woman he is sleeping with. I think he is desperate for a child and any woman that will get pregnant first for him, might end up being his wife.

So far, I have been very grateful for his financial help cos he sometimes gives me money to support my meagre salary. He is nice to me but he is pressuring me to get pregnant so much. I want a husband that will cater for me as well….not only about having children.

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The second man is actually a widower in my church. 44 years old. He has 3 teenage children. He is very respectable in the church and every single woman would do anything to catch his eyes. Everyone kept saying he loves his late wife so much, that he is not even thinking of marriage. But somehow, he caught my eyes and he has indicated interest in me.

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My only issue with him is that, his teenage children are a bit too much. They still do not want any woman to replace their mother. So, he tells me to please learn to accept his children to be a good mother to them, so they can accept me but these children are so much difficult to handle. They are 19, 16 ad 14 years old. They all do not even want to give me a chance.

Their father has told them that he has chosen me and they should get used to it. That is making thing more difficult cos I know I can never replace their mom in their eyes. They will always see me as someone else. They even told me to my face that I am a gold digger cos they think every woman is after their father because he is rich. That I want to come and reap what their mother has suffered for.

All these happening is making me seek the face of God. I need a man in my life. Its been 3 years since I left my ex. Its not been easy. I want a man so much but the two most marriage serious men have issues. Last Saturday, the doctor came to visit me and the widower too came unexpectedly. Both men realized they were chasing me….

The doctor has sent me a message that to tell him what I really want…the widower said the same thing. That I should not play games with him cos he is serious about marrying me, so I should tell him if I want to marry him or not. When I told him its his children that are making it difficult for me to decide, he said he has prayed about it and God has shown him that I am his wife…but he feels I am being distracted by the doctor and allowing what his children say to get to me.

The doctor is making me jealous by flirting with other nurses in front of me. He even stopped giving me money. Yesterday, he called me into his office. He locked the door and started kissing me…I was seriously aroused but I had to stop not because I do not want to but I think he just wants to get me pregnant.

Please advice me…who should I go for out of the two men? I need very good advice. I know its not easy to find a good man. Especially one who will accept you with children from your last marriage. I need a man to also assist financially. Its getting too tough for me. I do not just want to sleep with any man for money( my landlord is already asking me to sleep with him, he so could stop asking me for rent money

I want to be married legally and be happy. Am I being too picky?


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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Nne your husband has not come,keep praying and managing with the small salary.

    It is better you keep praying and managing with your small salary than marry a stupid and unfortunate man then regret your actions.

    Be strong,be bold and confident,don’t allow any how man take advantage of you.
    It is well with you nne

    • I agree with you my sis.

      Hear this madam, you are putting yourself under a lot of pressure and you are too much in a haste. And if you do that, you are SINNING (Proverbs 19v2B).

      Don’t allow your emotions to control you madam. Be calm, trust God for a good partner who will love you and your children. Are you listening to me?.

      Don’t be desperate to get married ma. Let Go, Let GOD.


  2. The widower is a better option. You can’t replace his late wife and please don’t try too. Just be yourself, the children are just being childish, which is very normal. As long as you all live together the children will keep pulling tantrums. The questions is can you deal with it? Because you are too young to be dealing with all these. The best options is to still be patient

  3. Leave both of them. The widowers told you GOD told him you are his wife, he is a liar, also his children will torment you, and yes they are right about after their fathers money cos in your post, you mentioned it several times that you want a man that can provide for you, what happened to your hands, can’t you work, you even complained the divorcee doctor guy stopped giving you money, why is that a problem for you, so in my opinion, the widower’s children are right, you are simply after their father for his money and its evident in your post.

    Leave the both of them. God will provide your own husband.

  4. Dear poster, you need to take things slowly, you are confused and don’t know what you really want , let me ask you a question, probably you get married to the widower, can you stand your ground to say NO to the doctor?
    Getting married to the doctor is a wrong idea and total waste of time, how are you sure it was only conceiving issues that actually made his wife divorce him? doctor is still playing his card which you can’t see… the widower is more matured but you can do away with both men, the decision is yours to make dear……..
    Moreover how about your family members, don’t you reach out to them,should in case they have anything, they can also assist you


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