True Life Story: I Used To Think My Husband Could Never Cheat On Me
Hi Lively Stones,
Let me go straight to the point because I am not good at writing long messages. My fiancé and I have been dating for 8 years now. Right from school and all. I studied pharmacy and my parents insisted on finishing my studies before marriage. We eventually got married and my parents gifted us a house in Banana Island.
Last year, I got pregnant and the plan was when I got to second trimester of my pregnancy, that I will go to the US and stay until I have my baby. When I travelled, my husband asked if his friend can come stay with him in the house. The friend was having accommodation trouble and we have rooms downstairs that no one is occupying, my husband was saying he was lonely all by himself.
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So this his friend moved in and next thing, I started seeing this guy post pictures of my house like its his own on social media. He would bring girls into our house, my kitchen and I did not like that. I told my husband to warn his friend. He said he did and the photos stopped.
Next thing, this guy’s girlfriend started cooking in the house and would give my husband to eat. Note, we have a male chef who we hired just before I travelled. It was the chef that told me that this girl was cooking and giving my husband. He even said she was was being too friendly with my husband.
When I confronted my husband, he told me not to encourage gossip from domestic staff. That I should trust him. I noticed after that anytime I ask the chef questions, its like he is afraid to tell me anything. I think my husband threatened him. I was quite worried. I spoke to my mom about it and she suggested installing secret CCTV cameras in the house. Initially, I was against it cos I knew my husband would think I was suspecting him but my mum said it would be done in such a way that he would never notice.
So one day when my husband was not around, in the guise of checking the water heater electricals, my mom sent experts to install CCTV smart gadgets with pin eyes in the house. You would never suspect anything was happening. So, from my iphone in US, I can see everything happening in my house in Lagos.
And to confirm my fears, I watched on CCTV how my husband was cheating on me with his friend’s girlfriend. I do not know if the friend is aware but they were f*cking in my bedroom and my baby’s nursery room which I was planning to decorate when I come back to Nigeria. I cried and cried ….watching the man that I loved for the past 8 years disgrace and betray me right in the house that my own parents gave us.
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I informed my parents of what happened. They were so mad, they got law enforcement and evicted everyone from the house including my husband. Since then, my husband has been begging me to forgive him, saying he is sorry…asking everyone in this world to beg me including his old mother whom I love so much.
My husband said its because we were not together and he was S** starved for months. Well, what about me? Have I been having S** all these while? what happened to being faithful for better or worse. And those telling me its normal for a man to be tempted especially when the wife is away, well, he should have taken a flight to US and come f*ck his wife instead…at least we can afford flight tickets abi?
The truth is, I love my husband so much…my parents even took him as their son. We have been through so much together for 8 years. Even when his father dies 4 years ago. I wonder why he could stoop so low to do this. I do not know if I can ever trust him again. My baby is due in February. I am so scared at the thought of raising this child alone.
Please, how do I ever forgive this man, how do I know for sure that he has truly I file for a divorce? am so sad when I think of how things have turned. I need help.
Anonymous
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Forgive your husband and try seek the help of a counselor for the both of you.. it will help.
Give him a second chance please and please don’t allow friends into homes because they are having problems, that was where your husbands problem started from.
Nne the help you need is to forgive your husband asap biko. I believe he must have learnt his lessons now. Nne na everywhere rain dey fall ooo, it now depends on how you one take cover yourself ooo instead of exposing yourself the more. No too much talk,just forgive the man,don’t take advantage of the fact that your parents gave you people house therefore you want to make him suffer like a NOBODY.He is your husband remember,the way you treat and respect him is the way others will also treat him. Stop involving your parents in private matters biko,build your marriage and stop involving too many people in it. Love your husband and forgive him wholeheartedly.All these things wey you dey do na because say your family get money pass your husband if reverse was the case,anyways I zip my mouth.
My dear, it’s necessary we forgive all those who offend us no matter the gravity for our selves sake. Your husband hasn’t and would not change, he will continue to cheat on you and this time he’ll be more discreet so forget about change. Personally I can condone anything in a relationship except cheating, it’s a deal breaker for me so my dear sister,if you think he loves you that much, you can continue but if you feel he stayed with you cos of family connection then forget it. Think about it deeply
This one that @mariyn is saying that she behaved this way cos her family is Rich is what I will not agree cos her family is Rich but she still stayed with him for 8yrs even with fact the her family is Rich and she could have met with better men along the way but decided to stick to this man.for me it not overreacting especially when it is something u never imagined will happen.
The man that was initially denying and had it been u have not caught him red-handed, he would have denied it.
It is obvious that this man had been a cheat all along but u failed to notice cos I think he stayed this long cos ur family riches that is y u don’t get carried away by the humility of an underprivileged one.
My advise is that u should just try to forgive him cos I don’t believe in divorce.But
I am tempted to believe that he would cheat again.
He’s definitely going to cheat again. She sounds like his meal ticket out of poverty.
He’s just going to be very smart about it this time. And remember that she has shattered his ego by throwing him out of the house her parents gifted them. He’ll secretly resent her. She’s with a ticking time bomb.
I just love this your comment. If they come back together this man will secretly despise this his wife for what the parents did. Without any doubt, without any fear of contradiction,the husband will cheat again but will try and do it smartly. This whole relationship/marriage was a sham all along because it seems the lady’s wealth kept the man there and not love. He has always been a cheat and he won’t stop now. If it were me in your shoes, I will move back to home,get professional care givers and nanny’s to help with the baby. If not I can even go back home untill the baby is a bit older. Divorce will kick start immediately I land In the country. In my own matrimonial bed, in my own house,that is just the height of disrespect if you ask me. And because of that I rather be labeled a single mother than take a man who put me through such embarrassment.
I dey always look up to your comments, abeg where u dey get them from?.
Beautiful advice Nne
Truth is, he didn’t start cheating on you today. It’s just that you didn’t find out sooner. If you hadn’t caught him this time, you’d still believe him as a saint. He’d most likely still cheat on you, it’d just be harder for you to find out.
For now, focus on birthing your child safely. Don’t let this break you. You’re more than this; you’re a gem, you’re worthy on genuine love and loyalty and anyone who doesn’t see you as such is at loss here.
When you get back to Nigeria, your husband has to prove he regrets his actions and will never repeat it. Hold your ground till you feel convinced. When you decide to accept him back, he must understand that one more repeat of such disrespectful and disloyal act will cost him you and the child.
You deserve as much love, respect, and commitment as you give, dear.
Love and light
He has been a cheat all along. You just happened to catch him red handed through the cctv, if not, he would have denied.
Some people (both men and women) are just pigs.
Concentrate on the safe delivery of your baby for now.
Let him remain wherever he is till you come back to Nigeria.
By then, I hope he would have learned a lesson or two from being homeless.
You have to forgive him.
That is what marriage is all about .
BUT, keep both ears and eyes, wide open.
Lastly, even if you should take a divorce, what is the assurance that the next one you will marry won’t also be a cheat?
If your husband is ready to work and fix his mess by respecting your feelings and making sure not to cheat publicly (cos he will still definitely cheat privately in somewhere else), then you should forgive him and be with him. Most men if not all, usually enter a temptation they can’t resist during their marital life. So they end up cheating eventually even if they didn’t wish to. So no go and divorce and be looking for one Saint Husband outside. Work on what you have and make sure he gives you back your respect as his wife.
@marilyn obioma, what are you saying? your comment is not encouraging at all.”na every where rain dey fall” meaning what? There are still some Godly men and beautiful marriages out there.
Dear poster, just ask yourself if you can live with the fact that your husband betrayed you by cheating on you, if you can trust him again etc.. The decision is solely in your hands. Your thoughts about your husband being a “gold-digger” is valid. There are steps you should take going forward concerning that. if you have documents in his name or both of your names, go and change it. Let him be a man by providing and not living off you and your parents.
Believe a cheat will always be a cheat UNLESS, he alone decides he wants to stop.
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