True Life Story: Is My Baby Daddy Breaking Up With Me? He Said He Needs Space
Hi Lively Stones,
I made a mistake that is costing me my relationship. Is my baby daddy going to breakup with me? I need your advice. I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 years off and on now. He is a part time student but he also owns a business that he is managing. I got pregnant for him last year and he told me to abort it because he was not ready to be a father or get married because he is the one sponsoring his education and taking care of his family.
That messed me up so much, I broke up with him after. I know he is a struggling young man but its not that bad that he cannot take care of a child. I am 26 going to 27 , I work as a receptionist/Admin officer, so I also have a job but he persuaded me and I got an abortion and even though he kept telling me he was in love with me, but that I should give me 2 more years, so he can graduate and have less responsibilities before committing to a child or marriage.
Later, I came back to him because truly he is a good guy. He treats me with respect. I understand that because his parents could not pay his school fees, he wants to be independent before starting a family. So, we cam back around June last year. This time, he told me to go on pill so we can avoid another pregnancy. I went on pill. But I then fell ill in September last year again.
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This was really surprising because I was on pill but the pregnancy blood test came back positive twice. My boyfriend was really upset. He was like I told you I am not ready but I told him I was on pill and so I so not know how this happened. The doctor explained that it happens but not common.
This time, I told him, I am not having an abortion. Over my dead body. How many abortions will I have? What if I do not have any children in future because of too many abortions. And its not up to me to make sure I do not get pregnant…he could have pulled out or used condom if he was so scared of a baby. I stubbornly refused to abort. He later came around and said we can keep the baby but no marriage until he graduates. I said ok.
Throughout my pregnancy, its like my boyfriend will be blowing hot and cold. Sometimes, he is super nice and attentive, sometimes, he does not even care. If I ask him for something and he does not have money, he will just become moody and very quiet, almost keeping malice with me. Sometimes, he makes me feel like I forced the pregnancy on him. He will say things like, I cant do more than this, I told you I was not ready.
Truth is, those words hurt a lot because irrespective of how things turned out, I believe children are a blessing no matter what. And the way he ignores me hurts me alot. Sometimes, I just need him to be there for me, not like I need money all the time. Small small, I have been saving and shopping for this baby, everything is not perfect but I am looking forward to meeting my beautiful baby very soon.
All these behavior that my boyfriend puts up tires me alot and I try to ignore him too so I wont be depressed all the time. That is why I started distracting myself with other things. About a week and half ago, I got a message from someone that I used to date a very long time ago. He said he just saw my pictures on IG and he was shocked I was still single and looking very hot.
Of course, I did not mention that I was in a relationship …my boyfriend’s behavior makes me wonder what kind of relationship we are in most times. One day you are nice, next day, you are moody. So this guy chatted me and was toasting me. I used to know him as someone who has alot of money then and one of the days he was chatting me, he noticed I was being quiet, he asked me what was going on, I told him nothing but later he insisted and I told him I was broke.
So this guy sent me money;150k. And he screenshot the payment slip and send to me. I thanked him so much. He now started saying he wants to see me. That he has got big plans for valentine if I allow him take me out. I told him I will think about it. I was doing all these because I do not want him to deduce I was pregnant because I am not asking him but he is giving me money which I need badly.
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Yes, collecting his money was wrong but I never asked him for it. Later, he now sent me a message that he wants us to go to Dubai for valentine. He promised to treat me very well if I say yes. That was when I told him, I have a boyfriend but its complicated. And that is the truth…I love my boyfriend but since the pregnancy, he has been acting really strange, so yes, its complicated.
While I was chatting last week, my boyfriend came to see me. I quickly put away the phone but the screen did not lock. He asked me to get him water to drink. Before I came back, my boyfriend was reading my chat with that guy and he was really upset. He smashed my phone on the floor. Calling me a cheater. That how sure is he that the baby is his.
I didn’t say anything and that angered him more. He left saying its over between us and he is no longer interested in whatever I do with the baby. When he left, the implication of what I have done dawned on me. I started crying and calling him but he didn’t pick up. So ,I went to see him that evening. He said the only reason he wont throw me out is because I am pregnant.
Pleading and pleading with him, I explained to him that I was only catching cruise with the guy but my boyfriend said that because I collected 150k from him and told him my relationship is complicated, that means I am not interested in our relationship. And that because he is not rich, that I was going behind his back and flirting with the guy.
I tried to explain to him that it was because of the way he has been treating me since the pregnancy that made me say that. My boyfriend said he needs space to decide before he can tell me whether we are going to be together or not. Its been since last week. I feel so hurt. Alone and depressed. I really wonder whether my boyfriend loves me. I do not like his mood swings …he is always thinking I do not appreciate him because he is not rich but its just his own insecurity and there is noting I can do about that.
What is affecting me is how he gets upset and instead of getting over it quickly, he turns moody and starts saying things that hurt me. Like I forced pregnancy on him…like he is not rich and I am flirting with rich people to spite him. His actions are telling me he does not want me but he says I am the problem. I wish we can go back to how we were before this pregnancy…he was such a nice and sweet guy then.
Please I need advice…how do I communicate with my boyfriend? How? How do we resolve our issues and move forward. This space is asking me for, its been one week….how long does he need? I do not know what he is thinking but I am also afraid that he might dump me. And if he does, I am so frightened about how I will cope with my pregnancy all by myself…I also love him and do not want to loose him.
Should I go and beg him again? I have sent him over 50 messages of apology and begging him to forgive me. I know I was wrong for chatting with that guy but he made me do it…and to be honest, I never was going to cheat with the guy…it was all cruise…I am pregnant for God’s sake…who wants to sleep with a pregnant woman with a bump carrying another person’s baby?
I am sad…I do not know what to do…its so complicated…sometimes, I feel he is just looking for excuse to breakup with me…I am confused…What more can I do to salvage the situation.
Anonymous
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Hello madam, please calm down and start focusing more on yourself and the baby. Don’t continue stressing over this matter with your baby’s father. You have begged him enough, let him be and give him the necessary space. because you are pregnant doesn’t mean he has to marry you. Being pregnant is one thing and marrying you is another, don’t confuse the two. He is not ready for a commitment and you don’t know how long it will take him to be ready. Are you willing to wait? Don’t get tied up to this guy. Work hard, take care of your baby and be happy. Infact form friendships with other people you never know if your helper is amongst them. Be happy and enjoy your pregnancy. Let the news of your happiness reach him.
Hello poster,
These are my honest thoughts….you shouldn’t be sleeping with a guy you are not married to (call me old fashioned but e get why) secondly…..after the first abortion, you owe it to yourself to make sure the guy was using protection like you were using too so we wont be reading stories that touch like this.
Now, you are pregnant…you cannot expect too much because the guy is not ready mentally and financially. He is probably dealing with alot and trying to be a dad that you forced him to be. He is not doing right….yes, but guess who is at the receiving end…you!…To make matters worse…you started chatting with another man and receiving valentine gifts with the promise of Dubai that your baby daddy cannot give you. How do want him to feel?
I suggest you just chill out. You have sent your apologies…then relax….show hm with your actions that you have changed and willing to be patient with his growth. As for his moodiness….change your ways of communication. Find out what is bothering him and how you can make it easier for him. Let him fee safe enough to be vulnerable with you. A man that is putting himself through school and fending for his family is carrying a lot of burden. Speak words of encouragement to him more. Play with him. Let him see you as a shoulder to lean on sometimes.
I suggest you both see a therapist too. Your communication skills need to get better. Do not despair….breathe…take one day at a time. I hope you both do not break up. I pray you solve the issues but be also ready to be very understanding and patient.
This man is not made yet….he is a hustler….until hustle pays…you have to be more than a baby mama to him if you want to be in his life…you must make an effort.
I wish you all the best.
Madam you have to deal with whatever comes to you because you caused it. What were you expecting when you were having unprotected S.e.x? How can a single person be taking contraceptive in order to avoid pregnancy when you are not even married?
You didn’t ask your ex for money yet you told him you were broke,what does being BROKE mean to you?
Being pregnant comes with a lot of responsibilities and I’m sure that’s why your boyfriend is not finding it funny. You better take care of yourself and the baby,if possible get a side hustle,atleast you have 150k,start a business ooo,if you like send him 1million messages,that’s your business,una never ready to get pikin yet you dey open kpekus anyhow and on top of everything come begin cheat with your ex. It is well with your baby ooo