True Life Story: Is My Fiancé Being Honest Or Manipulating My Emotions?
Hi Lively Stones,
This is the test of my life. My boyfriend Chike is in the US, we have been in a long distance relationship for a year now. Chike (not real name) and I were in the same University, he was in 400 level when I was in 200 level. He was a very fine boy back then in school…alot of girls were around him. He was literally the finest guy in our engineering department. Fast forward to when I graduated, we found ourselves in the alunmi whatsapp group….he asked one of my friends if he could chat with me and that is how we connected. Click here to join livelystones whatspp group
I was surprised he said he was single cos we all knew him as a ladies man back in school. Chike said he was married to an American but he got divorced cos of different cultural influences. He said he wanted a Nigerian wife that will come and join him now in the US. So, we started dating and truly the chemistry with us is great. He is such a great personality and very romantic.
While I am here in Nigeria…Chike sends me money, flowers almost every week. My family loves him. We talk everyday….we became very close that I wanted him to come to Nigeria three months after we dated online. Chike sent me money to process my visa and I travelled to meet him. When we met at the airport, I rushed to meet him. Kissed him passionately. I was so happy. He told me he got me a hotel and but I told him I wanted to spend the night with him…so he agreed to spend the night with me in the hotel…..
So we talked and kissed and talked some more into the early morning. We were not even sleepy at all. This guy was making me lose my sense of dignity cos as we kissed….he would finger me till I was shaking with orgasm….I was surprised that Chike would kiss me to the extent that I was waiting for him to go further but he would stop and I thought he was just keep me horny for a memorable s3x. Maybe he wanted to tease me to beg him to f*ck me…I was getting really anxious.
Eventually, we talked till like 3.45am and Chike told me that he wanted to tell me something. I asked what…and he said…he wanted to be honest with me. That he wants me to know something about him before we continue. Chike told me that five years ago, when he just arrived US, he was diagnosed with prostate cancer. He was immediately referred for treatment but it was only surgery that could prevent the cancer from growing, so he had to have the procedure.
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That surgery came with side effects. The side effect is, his penis shrunk after the surgery and he also became infertile. My mouth just opened in disbelief. Chike broke down and started sobbing too. He said he was immediately faced with depression after the surgery, thinking his life was over. But then, he met this American lady….she helped him get over his depression, they got married. He was happy cos she did not judge his disability.
The only problem they had was, the lady wanted to control his life and that made him cut off from his family for almost two years that they were married. They eventually divorced. Chike says he learned to have relationships with women even with his disability. That he can still make love to an average woman that does not really care about size of the penis….and he learnt how to use his hands and tongue to give pleasure.
So far, he is also taking fertility treatments but the chances of him getting a woman pregnant , even though not impossible but very slim. So, he has decided if he ever meets a woman who can accept him for who he is, he is ready to adopt or do IVF to have children. And if the woman loves him enough, he is willing to have an open marriage so the woman will not feel tired down, so she can from time to time, have s3x with another man outside of the marriage without feeling guilty.
For me, Chike telling me all these really broke me….I imagined what he went through. And now, he was sharing this precious secret with me so I can decide if I wanted to continue the relationship with him or not. He told me he would not mind if I want to end things. I told him thankyou for telling me. I also do not mind adopting or doing IVF to get children in future. I am liberal thinking and so is my family.
My only issue I told him was….how do we make love then? Cos I do not want to ever find any reason to look at another man for any reason cos I also expect my husband not to look at any other woman when we get married. Chike held me in his arms and said we will figure it out. Then we made love, it was different from the normal way. There was alot of fingering and kissing and when I reached for his manhood…. I cried. But Chike comforted me.
I was in US for two weeks….it was a very lovely time….I think I fell more in love with Chike. I told him I did not mind his condition…that I will love him irrespective. He smiled and told me to give him feedback three months later. I came back to Naija after that. I was convinced I wanted to marry Chike. I saw him as my husband and ready to marry him whether or not his penis was small or big.
Three months later, Chike came to Nigeria to see me. I was so happy. He lodged in a hotel and we were together the first night. I was so happy…Chike said he also came to see my parents which I already told my parents. On the second night after he arrived….Chike prepared a romantic surprise for me in the room…roses everywhere, champagnes, etc…he and I were getting cozy and he said he wanted me to do something for him….he wanted me to be very sure I wanted to marry him before he proposes to me.
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I was like….what do you mean? I am ready to spend the rest of my life with you….Chike then said….then f*ck a stranger for me…in my head I was like…what do you mean…he said he arranged for a guy to come sleep with me in the hotel and if after I do that….if I feel I still want to marry him…then he will propose. Chike said he knows women who may want to marry him to get to America but do not really love him cos of his small Pee….so he wants to be 100% sure….he will watch me make love to another man….then he wants me to decide after.
To me, I felt insulted and told him I would never sleep with any man to prove to him that I love him for who he is…I got upset and told him to f*ck off…Chike later apologized and said he is just trying to make sure that I do not regret my decision to marry him after. I then told him that if he is so unsure, then maybe we should not be together after all. That argument messed things up…even though he apologized, things became tense between us and Chike asked me if I wanted to break up with him.
And that is my problem. I need your advise….so its one thing to accept Chike and pledge my loyalty to him forever….but the harder thing is….if he will continue to doubt my real intentions….I cannot be with a guy like that….on his part….he is trying to be a nice guy by saying he will not be upset even if I sleep with other men ….is that supposed to make me feel secure? I am confused.
We made love our usual way….all fingering and tonguing and truly, I had an orgasm….Chike is good with his hands…he is a pro….no doubt…but just not with his D. he also bought some s3x toys…he used them on me…I try to suck on his D….just to give him pleasure too but I feel he is shy and does not like it. I do not want him to feel bad about his condition….I want him to be happy too….cos Chike is a really nice personality….I hope and pray to God that I do not disappoint him in future….
Chike has met my parents and his people are coming for introduction next month. But I am having an internal fight….what if I really cant stay without a real penis for the rest of my life…what if Chike keeps encouraging me to go and sleep with another man…if I do it….will he be able to live with that? Remember he once faced depression. I spoke to someone about this and they think I should not marry Chike because he is using his condition to manipulate me….that Chike is insecure and trying to force me to sleep with another man might bring problem later….what if I sleep with another man and fall in love with that man….could that be possible?
From all I have shared with you guys….do you think Chike and I should get married? Or is Chike manipulating my emotions or is he being honest with me? Will his insecurity cause problems in our future? I sometimes feel this is a test….maybe from God or from Chike….to know if I truly love him….this guy told me about his condition months ago….how is that being dishonest….I could have walked away but I did not….why am I having these thoughts? And please if there is any woman out there married to a man with small penis, please reach out and advise me on how they cope…..Kindly advise me.
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I believe he is putting too much extra effort into impressing you ( all the weekly flowers, money, extra attention)because of his condition) and he knows he will not be able to keep up so he wants to stain your white too, that way he will also have something to hold against you in the marriage. His condition gave him low self esteem and he wants to manipulating his woman to have some form of control over her.
Don’t start what you cannot finish because e get why, marriage is not a child’s play,don’t compare three months of enjoyment with Chike to marriage of a life time ooo.
Don’t be enticed because Chike is in the US oooo,to be honest with you. Don’t marry Chike,please. Don’t do what you might regret later. Peace
Dear poster, you’ve answered your question yourself already. asking yourself if you can cope and if things would get rough if you accept sleeping with someone else obviously means you can’t stay faithful to him in the marriage. Please do not waste his time end the relationship. You think you love him but you don’t. The moment you started asking yourself questions about how he would really feel if you slept with another man if he would truly accept shows you can’t stay faithful to him. Please don’t make him suffer another depression end it now please. My thoughts.
Imagine chike as he is with all his conditions without money,would you still consider marrying him,if yes,I think you should go ahead,you can cope