True Life Story: It Was Just A Little Distraction From My Marriage Problems But Someone Is Blackmailing Me-Pt 2
Dear Lively Stones,
Remember me? Click here to read my first story about someone is blackmailing me. So two things happened last week: no one, the s3x tape was released and I told my husband about the whole thing. Since that time, my life took a very terrible twist. First, while I was still contemplating on what to do after the series of advise I received from Madam Jzhane and Lively Stones family, I made up my mind to tell my husband but first, I had to tell our Rev Father cos I wanted to do confession and also, beg him to help me speak to my husband about everything.
Unfortunately, the 2 days later, the blackmailer released the s3x tape. It was sent to the faculty of nursing whatsapp group. As am speaking, my lover has been suspended and he is to face disciplinary panel. As soon as the s3x tape leaked, I called my husband, he did not pick up so I left him several voice notes. I was panicking. I then switched off my phone, I have not been able to go to school for the last one week.
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The shame and the pain is too much. To make matters worse, some stupid people have been sending me d*ck pictures cos they been laughing at me about the scandal. I called the priest and he told me to relax, that he will talk to my husband. I called my sister and told her everything. My lover sent me a text, that we should stick to the plan, that is the only way both of us will get out of this. He said I should file for a divorce, that he will tell the school that my marriage is over and so we both had a consensual s3x relationship.
My husband did not call until mid night around 3am. He said he has listened to my messages and that since I decided to get revenge for his cheating, that I should consider the marriage over, that he will take care of his son financially, but that I should forget about anything marriage ….that he will move on and I should also do the same. I have cried for many hours and days, my eyes are completely swollen.
My family are so upset, they are planning to send some people to go to my husband’s people to ask for forgiveness. I am supposed to go with them this weekend but I am not sure I can face the humiliation. Plus, why go to beg his people, will that yield any different result when the person involved has said he is no longer interested? Will his family convince him to accept me back? The Rev father say I should wait for my family to finish begging, to see if there will be any good news because our church does not permit divorce, that if I divorce, I wont be able to remarry or do certain things in the church anymore.
One mind is telling me to wait for the family visit outcome but the panel may call me next week to interview me, will I say to them that I had an affair or should I say the lecturer forced me to sleep with him? Which one will be my best solution out of this mess? He did not force me but I am afraid that if I say we had an affair, I may also be suspended. What do I say? I need to prepare myself very well.
Maybe this is my fate cos like I said, before all these happened, there has been lack of trust between my husband and me. I think I just gave him license to continue the deception he is living abroad. I know in my spirit that he has someone, he is just lying that he made a mistake….cos, ever since I started sleeping with my lover, I hardly call my husband and he too hardly calls me. When we talk, its not like before. I know he is occupied with someone but he will say its work and school, that he is very busy.
So, I need another advise, is there any point following my people to my husband’s village to go and beg them? I have heard that men dont forgive a cheating wife no matter what but the Rev Father said he will convince my husband because my husband used to be a an alter boy. But since my husband spoke to me last, he has not even picked up the priest number. Secondly, now that the tape is out, I am now convinced it was not my lover that leaked the tape. Should I go ahead and get a divorce, so that I can tell the school disciplinary panel that I and my lecturer are getting married? I know he loves me but everything is so messed up.
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This is not how I would have wanted my life to be, I am now the subject of a s3x scandal in my school. Some naughty students are carrying rumor that that my lecturer has been sleeping with other students before now, that Karma has caught up with him now. Could that be true? He has denied everything and has said he is ready to face any student that can prove he slept with them. That he has had alot of advances from female students but he rejected them. That it was my intelligence that attracted me to him.
I am so ashamed of everything but I need to make a decision. My husband wants a divorce, should I file for it or wait for him and his family and my family to decide first? That will be total humiliation by the way. Or should I accept what my husband said, that the marriage is truly over…and then focus on helping my lecturer so he does not loose his job and so I can complete my schooling in peace, at least till next year.
This is a f*cked up situation. I need your advice again. God bless you all.
Anonymous
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Breathe, you are still God’s child. Tell him you are sorry then repent, no more sex outside marriage or till you marry again if that’s what it gets to.
Whatever you do, don’t lie, the truth will set you free. Don’t be in a rush either to remarry even if your husband does not take you back.
Putting on my investigators hat, are you sure your husband is not with someone through whom he can get his residency and looking for a way out of the marriage? When he noticed you sounded a bit distracted, paid someone to monitor you etc.
Take it easy.
Hmmmmmmm
I think by now you should have learnt to deal with things as they truly are… No need to pile up more karmas…
You have to put on your big girl’s pant and deal with the consequences…
I’ll still say don’t do marriage with the lecturer yet… the premise is messy
Face the committee, tell them the truth… You’ve not been in a good place in your marriage and this was just you and your lecturer doing adult stuff with consent and no pressures nor deals that were to influence your academic… You like him and he loves you and you both are considering marriage but you’ve not made a decision yet… You’re sorry if all these was unprofessional and unethical but you both were just humans that found solace in each other… At the rate things have gone, you’ve already lost your marriage and your families are torn apart… You just want to finish your studies in peace and see what life has in store for you… You might ask for leave of absence for a semester so you can deal with the psychological effect of the exposure of the sex tape and how students are making life miserable for you at the moment sending you nudes and shaming you for having sex with someone you found solace in when you were going thru a life challenge… Your wrong seem to be in finding love with your lecturer…
I’m certain the people on the panel have their share of this life twists too…
Just breathe like the Priest told you, whatever will be will be… Let your family go do what they need to do… You may go with them and all you’ll just say is you’re sorry… do not give reasons nor defend yourself… just let them know you’re not proud of yourself and how you’ve dragged the families in the mud but you’re truly sorry and only ask for their forgiveness… About their son, tell them you’re willing to accept whatever the outcome but you’re sorry to put them all in this position.
If they ask you about the school incidence and whatever you feel for whoever, husband or lecturer, tell them nothing matters anymore, you’re just sorry for all the mess and pain you’ve caused and only seek forgiveness… That all you want now is just their forgiveness so you can have peace and finish your studies well… Ask that they pray for you so that you’ll be forgiven…
Keep talking with the Priest so you can stay sane, he seem grounded and mature… Grow your spirit man… leave divorce, remarriage and church activities for now, let time take care of all that… All you need is peace of mind and focus and money to lift yourself up on your career… You can do this, OK?
If after all family and church intervention, he still wants the divorce, then let him initiate the process and follow thru with his family’s help since he’s not here… Don’t do it on his behalf and don’t be in a hurry to see it all dissolved… Allow time and chance play things out…
I hope with you coming out plain with the disciplinary committee, there might be some empathy and you might get some psychological support so you can finish your studies without being bullied by lectures and students… Also, the judgement on the lecturer might be milder…
Give yourself time, all these will be a past you stepped up from in style and to greatness…
I hope you get a good strong support system to help you pull thru this phase of your life…
May the blackmailer get their own karma… All have sinned and fallen short of God’s glory/righteousness…
Don’t let this bring you down into depression… Go out there and look your demons in the face and let them see how you’ll pull this thru gallantly… You can and you will
Anyone who sends you their privates or shame you, keep record and send them to the disciplinary committee for sexual assault.
Any lecturer who tries any nonsense, keep record and send to disciplinary committee…
Just don’t let no one bully you into silence nor cower in fear… You are just humans who got things wrong at some point in your life… Everyone does have their own share, may be in different forms… Be strong for you girl…
Of course every marriage runs into problems but the key is how couples deal with the problems that happen. It seems so easy to just walk away but you need to remember when you got married it was for better or worse. I cheated on my husband are words that you will never hear in your wedding vows.
In society it seems we make it to easy for couples to screw up their marriages. It seems that when each and every little thing goes wrong as a couple we never face the issue. We run away and in doing so we end up doing things that just are not right.
Once your spouse finds out that you have had an affair, they are going to be experiencing some very strong and uncontrollable emotions – anger, betrayal, hurt, resentment, confusion, self esteem crises, etc. You need to understand this and be ready for it. And even though you have apologised over and over again, your partner may just have problems feeling comfortable with you or trusting you, and is probably a fair bit away from forgiving you as the cheating spouse.
I don’t know what either one of you want. The trust is broken. That’s the rock every good relationship is built upon. He no longer trusts her. That is the currency in a relationship. Both of them have none. So everything she says to him, he becomes suspicious of. They may have had a great relationship, but that was then, this is now. He should have found out from her. But now she expects forgiveness? Maybe he will one day. But now, she has to back away from him, give him some space, and be there at a moment’s notice should he need her because the man’s cheating is only suspicious not a known fact with evidence or proof.
The best thing she can do is learn from her mistake and let him go. Letting him go is the consequences to your actions. His actions right now make it clear he doesn’t want to be in this situation any longer. Please let him go and deal with your guilt.
As for me lecturer Madam calm down no dey rush tell the truth to your priest and school bodies and stop your relationship with him
Even rest small make breeze blow your body
I wish everything becomes calm for you may you find reason to love and be loved in return kind regards
Madam I feel sorry for you but you’re still blaming your husband why. You wanted to get back at your husband but it backfired. Take responsibility for your action and don’t ever go to your husbands place to beg. Let your people alone. Going there will cause yourself more embarrassment and is not what you want for yourself right now. Let your people go. If your husband want a divorce let him file for it himself. Don’t marry your lover instead give yourself time to heal then you can make a right decision.
Don’t lie about your lover. Telling the truth will help you heal.
No 1. Don’t file for divorce
No 2 Don’t follow your relatives to ur husband house
No 3. Forget about the shame you will be facing in school. It will soon be over, it is just a matter of time.
No 4. You can lie to the panel that you are the lecturer are getting marry soon in order to save the lecture from his work..
5. Pray for forgiveness
It’s obvious that you may have someone who is interested in you beyond the lecturer and your husband.
Your husband could be a force against you because he doesn’t want you to join him when you are done with your studies. He must have moved on or something.
But, if it’s something working against you from karma and even your lecturer lover, it’s obvious your payment for cheating came early and it’s a warning to stay off that man.
Someone wants you but don’t want the lecturer to have you and it could be a student or another lecturer.
Well, be careful. Close your legs and deal with what’s present.
Join your people to your in-laws. No defence because your act was shameful especially bringing both families shame. But, remain at the pleading side and apologize for your wrong without giving reasons for your act.
Let the lecturer go. End whatever you have with him and don’t let him pressurise you into marriage.
Face the panel and speak your truth. Save your remaining reputation and hope( studies) and the lecturer.But, don’t let your comment drown you. He will always find a job but, you may never return to school.
Remember,you have studies to finish. No matter the amount involved , don’t stoop low to return to that act with the lecturer or any other
Face your studies and life.
Bear with the shaming from students. They may not be better off but it’s for awhile and it will end.
The drive to travel out shouldn’t be what lead you but keep the dream alive and don’t fall a victim anymore.