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True Life Story: Japka Has Frustrated My Marriage-Now I Want To Sleep With My Neighbor

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True Life Story: Japka Has Frustrated My Marriage-Now I Want To Sleep With My Neighbor

Dear Lively Stones,

I relocated my family to UK (not real location) and my wife came up with something last year year, the truth Is I travel a lot , from one country to another and I have stay months without going home. Because of my frequent travel she said we should relocate and UK is what she want . It was a lot of Issues but eventually I allow them. I initially did not want to join them in this relocation thing but so that the application would be granted, I had to join. , but I was not In the application as the agent advised, they were rejected.

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After we relocated, that was when our marriage started having issues. Back in Nigeria, my work makes me travel alot so since I traveled a lot and go months without seeing my wife and family, my wife can go without s3x for many months. So now that we are living together in UK, we see each other every day but guess what, my wife has lost her libido for s3x cos she is already used to me not always being around.

Since last year till now, my wife and I have not being intimate. My wife is a godly woman, she prays alot at night , she fast a lot. I can swear that she is not cheating but she says she has lost interest in s3x due to many years without it while we were back in Naija. We  we sleep on same bed, naked, yet nothing is happening.

The probem now is that my mind is thinking bad thoughts. I have never done this before but I guess I might have to do It. I am having sexual thoughts towards my neighbor, who is also a Nigerian living here but she is single. My marriage is almost 12 years going, I met my wife a virgin, never cheated before but right now, am thinking of it so badly. I’m just confused , I have talked to my wife about this but she is still refusing s3s with me.

According to my wife, she wants to know if truly I have been faithful all this while, when we were in naija, living months apart without s3x. She says if I was able to hold myself then, why can’t I now? I have told her that I can no longer wait, I have told her many times. She believes I can’t cheat on her too. Yes, the problem started when I started traveling back home, she got used to me not  be around, I saw it each time I returned , that our s3x life was declining but I was busy chasing money and so, I overlooked It.

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I don’t even know how to do masturbation at all. My wife is not cheating, I cant even confront her on that, I cloned her phone , I have all her WhatsApp on my phone without her knowing , I have watched her and there is no sign. She can’t even cheat. I’m used to USA than UK. The weather here is cold and I cannot have s3x, I think I have to locate specialist cos honestly seeing her nakedness on same bed without allowing Is a great issues that Is killing me.

God will help me. I don try since last year and ever in my life side chicks or girlfriends cos I just don’t want to, cos I’m scared of not progressing , I just don’t want God to hold or  have reason to say it’s because I do this or that for God to punish me. I have never seen or heard when a married woman will just loose Interest in s3x with her husband….for so long…for why na. People might think she Is cheating but she is not, I have her WhatsApp , telegram Facebook and she has mine

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Its difficult for someone to believe that I never had s3x outside my marriage, having traveled wide and sleeping in hotel of different types.  In the early stage of our life was sweet , my wife is a good woman. I was lucky to meet her virgin and promised I made I will remain loyal. Now the Devil in UK is testing my faith , I made a real mistake by telling this my single neighbor a little bit. Now she want to fill the void.

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How can one hear that since last year , I sleep on same bed with my wife, and nothing like s3x.  If I make move she will say no. I don’t have to force , she Is just to comfortable and sure that I can’t cheat. I have talked yet again to my wife….I am giving her two months…after that, I am not sure I can promise to continue being faithful. Please help me…I need advise.

Anonymous

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Jzhane
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

13 COMMENTS

  1. This is touching. Sex is undoubtedly a critical aspect of a marital relationship. Without taking sides, I urge you to sit down and discuss this again with your spouse. Let her know how depressed you feel about her refusal. I suggest you both consider therapy to revitalize your sex life.

    Playing the devil’s advocate, it’s important to note that at certain ages, particularly during menopause, many people experience a decrease in hormone levels that affects their sex drive. Menopause can also start early for some women. So, please, don’t let this lead you to sleep with your UK neighbor. That could potentially destroy your marriage and destiny.

  2. Dear poster I will suggest you have an intimate and calm discussion with your wife.Tell her that having sex with her is important to you, and when she says no often it makes you feel unwanted. Ask her what would make it easier for her to have sex more often, and discuss various forms of sex. Then do some give and take, and some trial and error. if there was truly love at the beginning there will be understanding at the moment. but pls don’t cheat if you do the issues you are dealing with presently will be too complicated to resolve. I strongly believe she loves you and you also love her part of the reasons brought this issue for it to be truly resolved. Also, I believe she wouldn’t want to manipulate you or see unhappy or frustrated for rest of your lives. So just handle the matter amicably with love, patience and understanding by pouring out all your aches, concerns, feelings and emotions about the matter. On the other hand if you haven’t been joining her in the spiritual exercise maybe you should consider it might be a turn on for her and for a happy home, a family that prays together stays together think about it. Truly you have tried by staying true and faithful all the while but all will be well soon you guys will be happy together again.

  3. Sorry about this Sir.

    While reading I’m noticing something, there is this Confidence she had that you can’t cheat. Hence the morale , truth is some women pants become Dry *in the absence of threats* . YOU HAVE MADE HER FEEL TOO SAFE. The instinct to protect her marriage is no longer there.

    This is one of the storms that comes with being a disciplined man, some women will take it for granted to mean you are super human . But *you don’t have to cheat with your neighbor* to create artificial threats.

    For a change, start manufacturing artificial threats , since u don’t cheat, u don’t have women around you so the threat is artificial,

    if you want the wetness to return. Get another number or a friend to send some love message indicating they desperately love you. Place the phone where she can see it. When she ask, tell her a lady is disturbing you , that she has fallen for you. Her amygdalae, a brain function that detects threat will swing into action. She will experience, FEAR, ANXIETY, CONFUSION. The need to save her marriage in the presence of threat will kick in. You might have a discussion and before you know it , each person will tell how they feel and the panties will drop.

    But in the long run, you both might need to see a sex therapist, but I am not sure this woman will agree.

    Another option is to stop asking her for sex. I wish you can do this… The way this works is that she begin to wonder why you *are no longer asking* , she will be curious to know if you are getting it somewhere else.

    The thing is the more you ask, the more she is convinced you don’t have it outside. That’s enough for her.

    Turn the tables and watch the confusion set In, shake the panties.

  4. Dear poster a woman loses desire for various reasons, and many times, it’s a clear reflection of the dynamic between the two of you. You need to take a hard look at yourself. Are you the same man she fell in love with? Chances are, you’ve let things slip. It happens, but it’s time to snap out of it.

    dominate your professional life. A man who’s killing it in his career is undeniably attractive. Show her what success looks like. Show her the benefits of being with a powerful man. When you walk in with confidence and purpose, you restore that lost intrigue and spark.

    Your mental game needs to be strong too. If you’re whining or feeling defeated, forget it. Your mindset should be bulletproof. Educate yourself, read voraciously, practice stoicism. You must be the rock in the relationship, unshakeable and confident. Women are naturally drawn to men who exude unrelenting confidence and strength.

    Let’s talk about how you treat her. Are you predictable? Routine kills desire faster than anything. You need to bring back the excitement, the element of surprise. Plan spontaneous dates, take her to new places, be unpredictable. If you have the means use slay club world concierge to plan unforgettable travel experiences. Keep her guessing and intrigued – make her feel like she’s dating an adventure.

    Communication is key, but it has to be on your terms. Have a candid conversation with her about her needs and desires. Not from a place of desperation, but from a place of strength. Let her know that you’re aware, that you’re taking charge, and you’re on the path to becoming an even more formidable man. She’ll either step up or step out, but you’ll be ready for any outcome. Best wishes

  5. Well…. I think when a woman says she has zipped up and she meant it especially for a year, she has not slept with her husband. It is really serious.
    To buy her back and her trust, is for him to keep pleasing like doing whatever she says, not asking for it for now till he wins her back.
    Let them talk about it and if possible seek counsel.
    I am not married but married people should know more. What makes a woman say she is not having sex with her husband. There is more and we should hear from the woman

  6. You’re just suffering yourself in the name of marriage. Your wife deny you sex intentionally because she knows you can’t cheat on her.

    While in Nigeria this is not happening and moment you relocated abroad she lost interest lol. Your wife is no longer interested in the marriage she is looking for excuse to exit believe it or not.

    You should get yourself a woman to satisfy your sexual desire and then prepare for the worst which will unfold in a matter of time. Denying your sex for a whole year is not funny and there is more to it believe it or not.

    Get yourself a woman to satisfy your sexual desire.

  7. There’s more to her loss of interest than you think and don’t be surprised, you are the cause. When a woman who was sexually active with her husband, now loses interest and even stops completely, it didn’t start one day. You have made her to zero her mind on it.
    A woman’s body is different from that of a man. Her desire goes deeper. The mere sight of your naked body may not move her anymore because her mind has zipped up on you.

    Probably it’s only in the night you go all romantic and expect her to respond. That will not work now.

    You have to be more intentional. Be more loving during the day. Revisit your honeymoon days. Start afresh with her in love matters. If you know how you were able to woo her before, start that. Let her feel loved. Patiently work on her. I believe she will loosen up and before you know it, you will have her back.

    Above all, pray on your own and together with her for the restoration of your love life. God who designed sex in marriage will answer your prayers.

  8. Some basic truth about commitment and sex that some men fail to understand in marriage

    I saw a comic in a newspaper… The man who was about to get married was telling his buddies, “I’m so happy because once I get married, I can have sex whenever I want.”

    Men should stop being weak and sentimental.

    Marriage is the best gift a woman can get from you.

    You’re doing her a BIG favor by marrying her, so getting sex from her is non-negotiable. If she refuse to give you sex for flimsy reasons and you have been faithful to her, then have a sincere conversation stating your expectations and needs

    Marriage has always been for women. Getting married to her is a huge sacrifice you are making for her… So If she get bored/ uninterested with giving you sex, you should let her also understand that you might get bored with giving her your commitments.

    And the woman who was to marry the man was telling her females friends, “I’m so happy because once I get married, I’ll never have to have sex again.”

    It was intended for comic relief, but they were indirectly expressing the sad reality of many marriages… Many men are in a sexless marriage, and it’s not even funny at all. angry

    Men and women love need sex…but women need sex in a different way than men do.

    The biggest problem is the unrealistic view women have about marriage. They view marriage as the final bustop. Once they finally wear the wedding rings, the Job is done. She feels she can now misbehave.

    Her misbehavior won’t start immediately. After you marry her, in the first few months or years, the sex is always fantastic: she’ll seemed very willing and receptive towards the sex.

    But sooner than you think, she’d start turning down the man sexual attempt for flimsy excuses like “i am tired” or “i dont have the mood now” or other very humiliating bullshit excuses.

    Here’s the bitter truth most men won’t want to swallow:

    Some Women don’t respect a male commitment “after” she has gotten it.

    You can argue with me, get agitated over it…but that’s just the bitter truth.

    Look, she gets bored with male commitment ‘after’ she has gotten it. She no longer feel the need to be at her best behavior because she has already gotten what she want most in the man– marriage.

    Basically, the moment you marry some women is the very moment her attraction and desire for you begins to drop.

    The very thing makes the man appealing to a woman is the fact that she’s working hard to get him to commit.

    It’s the “uncertainty” and the not being sure if the man will put the ring on her finger is what makes him desirable to her.

    When the man finally marry her, he’s no longer a challenge for her to keep working hard to impress….so she starts to lose desire for him.

    In her mind she’s like, “Why should I keep working hard to impress him when the job is already done?”

    As a result, the woman’s interest in sex gradual deline with time. She starts to feel bored with the sex.

    Women will NEVER admit this but that’s the truth. In Fact, some don’t listen to women who speak the truth on this subject matter .

  9. Dear poster reasons I like posting different views on my advice is for you to sieve and make the best choice that suit your issue To me I feel you should understand whatever excuse derived from a sincere conversation without desperation that you both have had or planning to have.

    During the conversation after you might have listened Next ask your wife, make her understand you are a man with emotional needs you should be straight forward to her, By asking her that will she be willing to undergo healthy measures to resolve the difficulties you both are experiencing in other to reinstate your marital needs and expectations as a couple. Such question will give better understanding on the matter especially to you.

    hit the nail on the head where it matters the most

  10. Dear poster, please give her sometime, remember she just joined you in the UK….. Allow her adapt to the environment,don’t cheat with your neighbour because the consequences go loud gaannni…. Kindly respect yourself as a married man and find a way to make your marriage work…. It’s well

  11. My dear poster, pls don’t take any decision you would regret, pls kindly go for counselling with your wife and am sure things would be back to normal.

  12. Dear Poster,

    I wish to encourage you to become the active person in your union. Your commitment should be in wooing her over, being helpful around the home, reduce all forms of travelling to the minimal and be her charming boyfriend once more.

    What did you change especially in your look and personality that could have turned her off?

    Restore humour, treat her like your baby girl daily no matter how little, go grocery shopping for her and be indoors with the kids , no late nights.

    Reassure her in your serious conversation over this issue. Be vulnerable and don’t feel used or rejected.

    You were gone for many months , I guess she is exhausted and used to you not being around.

    When a woman is pushed to man up, it’s difficult to get her to relax and be girly again.

    Pray for yourself and avoid all manner of temptations. Don’t sleep with your neighbour or anyone else. Don’t discuss your sex starved life experience with anyone.

    Be patient wih her. She will come around soon.

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