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True Life Story: My Baby Daddy Refused To Marry Me After Seven Years-Should I Move On?

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True Life Story: My Baby Daddy Refused To Marry Me After Seven Years-Should I Move On?

Hello Lively Stones,

Please I need advice. Pardon my rambling….I have been so confused on whether to write my story or not….but sha…let me write it….I have been with my husband now for seven years. Well, he is not really my husband, he is my baby daddy. When I first got pregnant, he came to see my parents and told them he wanted to marry me. They gave their consent. Along the way, I lost my mother, he too lost his father within two years, things have not been easy for both of us. Even his business has not been doing well.

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So, from one problem to the other, we have not done our wedding and yet, I have two children for him for almost seven years now. My problem is, anytime, I bring up the marriage matter, he will say he is not financially ready. I have even told him, lets do only court wedding since there is no money but he will say he must marry me proper cos he is from a famous family.

Yes, they are well known in their village but things have changed financially for the family, no one is willing to help. I became sad that he was not taking the marriage thing serious. We started quarrelling very often  and he will make comments like, thank God he has not married me cos that is how I will be insulting him. These problems affected our s3x life. Since almost two years, we have not had any s3x cos I told him, I will not have s3x with him until he marries me.

ALSO READ: True Life Story: How I Am Facing A Very Difficult Decision To Be A Second Wife Or Baby Mama

This did not move him….he started cheating on me…I know cos any man that does not sleep with his woman for almost two years is definitely sleeping with someone outside. I even saw a chat where one of his dirty girls was talking about me, he replied her that he can never marry me cos I am bad luck. Then, I wanted to leave the marriage but people discouraged me saying where  will I go with 2 children, who will marry me with two children. I became very frustrated so I decided to look for a job to take my mind off the problems with my baby daddy.

That was how I got a job as a secretary through the help of one of my friends. The man I worked with was something else. He did not take time before he started asking me for s3x. Cos I needed the job and the money, I agreed…and he used to give me good money. My salary is 80k .That is how the affair with my boss started. So, the s3x I was lacking from my baby daddy, I was getting from my boss at work…sometimes, we meet up in a hotel, etc.

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Now, its been almost 5 months of the affair. My boss is married but his wife denies him s3x. Its not a lie….I see their chats…the woman does cannot stand the man but they are still married because of societal image. The man is very lonely and always having girls around him…but since we started dating, he has stopped seeing other girls…he said he wants to focus on me alone.

So, this my boss is asking me to move into an apartment so he can have free access to me anytime he wants and to stop people from spreading gossip about us in the office. I do not want anything from my boss apart from the money. We both are just trying to find comfort cos we are not happy with our partners. But,the thing is, I still love my baby daddy….I feel like, if I move out to this apartment, then it will be over with me and my baby daddy forever. But since he does not care for me, I thought there was no need to still have any feelings for my baby daddy.

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So, I told my baby daddy that I got an apartment ,paid by my company on loan and that I was going to move out by end of this month…he was shocked….he started to beg me, apologizing for the way he has neglected me…and promised to start treating me better and for the first time in two years, we made love. Now, he is trying everything to convince me not to leave but I realize, that he is always asking me for money now.

I think he wants me back for money not because he wants to marry me. I told him my job pays me 180k (cos my boss used to give me 100k plus the 80k salary as his side chick) and everyday now, he is begging me for money, borrowing and never paying. I think my baby daddy is playing me cos of the money he gets from me….I do not want to be a fool…giving him free s3x, free babies and now free money.

Please advise me…should I leave him or will he be able to change? The s3x is back with my baby daddy but his attitude has not changed…if its s3x I lack, I can get it from anyone….like my boss but I need to get married…I am 28 years old…if my baby daddy beg me money and I even refuse, he will start calling me names…saying once a woman has money, they start misbehaving.

This man is pathetic but I love him but I feel he is not going to ever marry me….what should I do….I am really exhausted going back and forth with this man.

Anonymous

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Jzhane
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

5 COMMENTS

  1. You still want a man like that to marry you? Wow!

    Anyway the signs are obvious, if you chose not to see them that’s your choice.
    And you were told no man will want you after 2kids but immediately you got out you got the attention of your boss, do you still believe them?

    No. I’m not saying the affair with your boss is good, it makes you no different from your husband -people who run off to find solace outside instead of fixing their problems. But I don’t need to say much, you already know he is using you, he thinks you are bad luck, accordingto you” from one problem to another after he attempted to marry you” that’s idea some men attach to their marriage. They blame the woman when things take downward turn but if it was opposite he would never credit his success to you.
    Well. You know what to do, you know what’s good for you.

  2. You have to stop being confused right now.
    You love your baby daddy,yet he has refused to marry you,he treats you badly and cheats on you,you have to stop being confused please,know what you want and go for it.

    Your baby daddy will not marry you ,I repeat he will not marry you,if you like stay with him for 100years ,he will not marry you,do you know why? He is already getting wifey benefits from you(1) You have been giving him kpekus for seven years (2) You have given him two children (3) You cook,do house chores,wash etc
    So tell me why such man should have the eagerness to marry you,you are just wasting your time with him.

    You got pregnant for him when you were 21years,your life has not changed,you haven’t achieved anything from him except your children and now you are 28years,what makes you think he will marry you,he already told one of his dirty girls that you are ‘bad luck’ so what are you still doing with him? He is a time waster.

    For your boss, becareful,use your brain and be wise,you alone can decide if you want to be with him as his side chick since he is married ,but don’t turn from side chick to baby mama for the second man oooo,if you are able to gather enough money from him,please leave him and start up a business and pray for a better man to marry you.

    I would suggest you look for a place to keep your children then move into the apartment your boss got for you, yes,you have to leave that your baby daddy alone,how can he start asking you for money because he knows you have? He is a failure , seriously.

    Go away from him,leave him,he might be the one bringing you bad luck sef. Peace

  3. Wow! Very complicated.

    First of all you made a wrong move given birth for a man like that, he thinks you are a bad lock buy you proved him wrong by getting a job.

    Secondly you made a wrong move sleeping with your boss, this is the real bad lock you are, so 80k isn’t enough for you abi? You better use your head and stop n face your job or get another one , cos your baby daddy would never forgive if he finds out.

    Thirdly, you have to save enough money to be fully independent from your 80k and prepare for your children’s future , stop giving him money. God willing your baby daddy would grow up to see the woman that you are and marry you cos he is confused and ignorant. And if he doesn’t marry you, keep him as a friend bill him for the kids n who say you need a man to survive .

    The foundation is truly faulty but with these steps above you can rebuild it.

    Don’t prove him right by doing more wrong , you aren’t a bad luck he is only scared

  4. Double wahala! Madam none of these men are good for you. Who said a man cannot marry you with two kids? It’s all about positioning yourself well,what you are doing now will ruin you and your children.

  5. You are sleeping with another woman’s husband, this is EVIL. God is very angry with you. Sleeping with another woman’s husband is murder. It’s how you people that sleep with peoples husbands and come to blogs to paint yourself as saints and victims that baffles me.

    This generation is a wicked one, sleeping with another woman’s husband and you don’t see any wrong in it.

    When GOD strikes at you, I wonder what you will say.

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