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True Life Story: My Baby Mama Is Driving Me Insane- Could This Be Love Or Lust?

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True Life Story: My Baby Mama Is Driving Me Insane- Could This Be Love Or Lust?

Hello Lively Stones,

Please I want to remain anonymous. Two years ago, I met this girl but I was really not into her like that. We dated off and on cos she was very clingy. At the time, I made her understand that I was just looking to have fun but she was very clingy so I broke up with her. A few months after, she kept chatting me up and one thing led to another, we started hooking up again.

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Then she became clingy again and I wanted to finally end things…she then told me she was pregnant. I was furious but I was raised by a single mother who always told me I must be a responsible human being if I ever get a girl pregnant. So I asked what she wanted, she said she wants to keep the baby. I then agreed to support her and be responsible for the baby but made it clear that both of us are done.

Throughout the pregnancy, she kept trying to come back into my life but I stayed adamant. When she gave birth, everything was cool. I played my part by providing as much as I could for the baby. I must say I fell in love the minute I saw my son. I was always happy. Then, after a while, things were a bit rough for her financially, she could not pay her rent, she asked me to help her with rent but the kind of money for rent now in Lagos is crazy and I did not have much at that time, so I allowed her to move in with me.

That was a mistake. Having your baby mama move in with you seem like being actually married…she assumed wifey duties and me…I could not resist her when I got back from work and all she had on was my big T shirt with nothing else under her. I mean, she is not my type of girl but things seemed ok…we were doing ok for about a year until she started having ideas about what are we doing? Like…where is the relationship heading. Like dropping hints about getting married

You see girls eh…I told her from beginning that I am not into her like that…yes, she moved in with me cos of her rent situation but that does not change the fact that I am not going to marry her. Respectfully, she is not my spec…she is not as exposed or educated. She dropped out of University and said she is not going back to school cos school does not make one successful. She started running her online business which was going well until she had her baby and things started going down.

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Another thing is, she is someone that likes fake life. I am an average guy, I dont like public eyes but she likes to show off on social media. We fought cos I told her not to share pictures of my son on social media. If you see her IG page…she likes to do too much. I feel like we wont be a good fit plus I have my eyes on someone who has goals and dreams like me. I want to marry a boss lady…someone who is intelligent and has her own stuff….this girl is too damn clingy.

So I told her that even though we are living in the same apartment, marriage is not going to happen….that she should start trying to save money for her own space to move out soon. She got so upset and stopped talking to me…of course she stopped having s3x too…she stopped doing any wifey stuff like cooking or cleaning. I was upset but I did not do anything. But what pissed me off was that, last Saturday, she told me that she was going out for a party and asked me to watch our boy.

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Well, she has not gone out in a while so I said ok. Do you know this girl switched off her phone soon as she left and did not come back till Sunday morning? I was mad cos I was worried if she was ok…I also had a crazy time keeping the eight month old baby calm cos he wanted his mom. I almost lost my mind. So you can imagine my fury when she came back the next morning in a prado jeep. A man dropped her in front of our house…She was in the car for like 15mins before she came inside…and when she did…she smelled of alcohol.

I was so upset that I started abusing her. When I asked who the guy was, she said, he is a client. That she is trying to plan how she will move out of my house and she had no choice when her friend introduced her to a client who needed girls for fun time. I felt so bad cos I saw she was really unhappy but she felt she had to do hook up to get money to pay for an apartment for her. I told her she did not have to do that…that I will find a way to help her. Then she said she would not take any help from me cos I have made it clear that I don’t care about her since I can f#ck but not see her as good enough for marriage.

For the first time, I realized how she must have been feeling…how I must have been hurting her feelings by the way I have kept telling her she is not good enough for me…yet she has done everything to try to gain my love. I really don’t want to be that kind of insensitive guy but I don’t want to marry out of pity. I need advise…what should I do…we have great intimate chemistry and a beautiful son together but is that enough to be hooked up with someone for the rest of my life?

Please advise me…its been a roller coaster of emotions for me all day. The fact that she spent the night with another man is driving me insane too…the fact that the gut rolled up in a wipe like the car that dropped her is messing with my mind….like is she trying to prove she can get a guy richer than me? When I confronted her…she said why should I care who she f#cks if I dont want her? Is she trying to drive me crazy or do I love her that much? I tried to make a move on her later in the evening but she shunned me…said she needed space from me…meaning no intimate moves from me will be welcomed. I did not even know whether to apologize or not…like…what do I even say to her? .

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One thing I know is, she was wrong to sleep with another guy while still living in my house…whether married or not…but she says its not cos we are not married or even dating…please help me ask this question to the house…was she right or wrong? Do you thing she was testing me? Cos if she is…I am loosing my mind…is this love or pity or am I just afraid of sharing her with anyone else? What is wrong with me…what should I do?

Anonymous

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Jzhane
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

5 COMMENTS

  1. Sometimes when you finally get what you think you want, you might regret it.
    Yes she may not be your type but do you find other great values that compliment you in her?
    Does she give you peace of mind. I imagine that she knows you are with other women yet she choose to stay ( she has endured too much because an average lady would have left you since ).
    I think you both need your space but just know that you are part of the reason she is doing hook up. If you don’t see a wife in her, please let her go stop giving her false hope. Help her find a place of her own and support her financially.

  2. You don’t know what you want that the issue, you can’t just toy with people heart my dear, what your definition of spec, from your description she is classy n even over does it n that u can correct her of, but if you are not interested in her let her be so she can see a better person

  3. Oga,na wa for u o,u don’t want her right ? Why are u angry that her’s hooking up with another man? U don’t want some one, n u also don’t want her to be with another man? Hmmmm, Mister decide on what you actually want,so that u can have ur peace.

  4. Guy, you have serious issues. So you want her to be doing wifey duties for you,be at your beck and call, while you put her down with your words.

    She did nothing wrong to you. You are the one who is selfish. Since you want someone who is intelligent and a boss lady, go for what you want and stop trying to eat your cake and still have it. Haba!
    Know what you want and follow what you want.
    If you want her, you must be with her not out of pity, but out of commitment .

    You are the one creating confusion in your mind due to selfishness.

  5. You see this particular guy… Yoruba people call their type afe ki eni jeun , Keni mayo …. U no give me food, I got the food myself u still hold my spoon say Maa no chop. Oga u can’t eat ur cake and have it. Let her be

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