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True Life Story: My Best Friend’s Marriage Is In Trouble Because Of Me


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True Life Story: My Best Friend’s Marriage Is In Trouble Because Of Me

Lance and myself have been friends  since university days. Lance and myself met in year one actually. We used to all meet in the library to read. We were all in the same class too. Lance is a very cool and handsome guy. I had a crush on him in year one.

On valentine’s day, I got him a card to express how I felt about him. But he told me that he has a girlfriend. We later became very good friends even when I had a boyfriend much later. In 300 level, Lance met Linda…his current wife but she was an arts student. I had a boyfriend still and we all became very great friends, all four of us. One thing was sure, Lance was very protective of me…he became like a big brother to me.

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After school, Lance and Linda got married. Me and my boyfriend later broke up. Even up to after school, when we started working, we kept in touch regularly. They used to tease me about when I would get married. So, when the next gut came into my life, I just wanted to get married by all means because all my friends were married. I ignored all the red flags in the relationship.

Lance was not in support when I told him I wanted to get married but I ignored his warning. At the back of my mind, I love Lance a little more than a normal friend and brother. That crush I had for him still existed but I always pushed it away. Now, he is married, I wanted to get married too to forget totally about him.

A week to my wedding, Lance called me and spent almost 2 hours trying to convince me not to marry this guy cos he said the guy was wrong for me. I told him to leave me alone or support my decision. Lance then said, Jess…you know I love you and I do not want to see you suffer. I thought the ‘love’ he meant was as a friend or brother…I told him…support me then.

Lance supported me. He even spent almost 5M on my wedding. My husband is another kettle of fish. He was arrogant and ignorant. The first thing he did was isolate me from my friends and family. Saying we do not need anyone to interfere in our issues. And we had alot of issues. The redflags became real issues.

We fought everyday. He began to hit me and later start crying and apologize. I was in an abusive and manipulative marriage. He warned me never to tell anyone. I learnt how to hide my bruises very well. On my birthday, Lance called to wish me happy birthday. He had been complaining that no one sees me anymore since I got married. I explained to him that my husband is not a social type.

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Lance did not buy my explanation and insisted in visiting on my birthday. I tried to discourage him. When Lance and Linda came, I had hid my bruises with make up. But Lance saw the my eyes and he knew something was wrong. He stylishly delayed so he could wait for my husband to return.

Soon as my husband returned, Lance pounced on my husband and beat him up blue and black. Lance then warned him never to lay a finger on me. That was the beginning of our separation cos my husband told everyone concerned that I brought my boyfriend into our matrimonial home to beat him up.

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My husband’s family came and threw me out. I had no where else to go but Lance’s. Lance even came with Linda to pack my stuff. That is how I started living with them in their home. For my own protection, Lance and Linda did not allow me get my place until the divorce was finalized.

Again, I did not want to be in the same house with Lance and his wife for too long cos of my secret feelings for him, I had to go stay with another relative who is a military personnel but his place is Sango Ota, very far from my work place. For like one year after my divorce, I was in a very dark space, depressed and struggling mentally. I felt like a failure after my divorce and everything.

Lance always tried to cheer me up severally and one Saturday when he visited, we were talking about my life and how I have not been lucky in love…before we knew it, Lance  started to kiss me. I reacted and tried to talk sense into him. He was like…he knows I have feelings for him and he has feelings for me too but he knows he cannot be my man cos he is married. He begged and persuaded me to just let him care for me…that he keeps living in regret for not expressing his love to me earlier.

I categorically told Lance that I could never allow my feelings for him destroy his marriage to Linda who is like a sister to me too. That was about eight months ago. We tried to forget that moment we shared even though I  know we could both still derail if we are not disciplined.

And then, things took a dramatic turn three weeks ago. Linda called me to beg Lance for her. That Lance just found out that she cheated on him with a business partner who defrauded Lance of N18 Million naira two years ago. From what I gather, Linda introduced an investment business partner to her husband…the business turned out to be a scam. And Lance lost N18M in the process.

The man has been on the run since two years ago and the matter has been with the police. The man was caught and  investigations have revealed that Linda actually had an affair with the man during the time of the business. The man confessed that Linda was supposed to get 50% of the investment but the man duped her also. Lance has moved out of his home since 3 weeks ago. He didn’t even tell me, so Linda had to call me to beg him cos she knows I am the only one who can talk to her husband.

I called Lance, to beg him for Linda but he did not pick up. Later on, he called me back and said he is coming to see me. I was nervous. Lance is a good guy…infact, he is a great guy…he does not deserve the treatment that he got from his wife. When he showed up at my place later on, he broke down and was crying. We were both crying. I could not do anything but be there for him when he held on to me.

Like I said…his wife is like a sister to me…and they have two children who are like my children too. But Lance is my best friend in the world…all I want is for him to be happy so I did not stop him when he started caressing me and we eventually did it.

Our relationship has destroyed every hope of reconciliation of Lance’s marriage and I cannot stop feeling guilty everyday about this. Lance is already talking to his lawyers to file for a divorce and now Linda has found out about us. Lance told her…She is calling me all sorts of names, betrayer, husband snatcher. Its an emotional mess. I am not the cause of their marriage issues but I cannot make Lance go back to her.

Why then does it feel so wrong…maybe all along, we were supposed to be together but things happened like this. If Lance wants his marriage back…I support him 100%….but if he is single again….why cant I be happy? And I need advise and the courage to do the right thing. Please advise me.



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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. All i can say is, you are a greedy person. A lady you called a sister, you slept with her husband. You even said, why does it feel wrong, that maybe you are supposed to be together, that why can’t you be happy.

    To be sincere, you are far worse than your ex husband, Lance is a fool for beating up your ex husband, that’s why I have said many times here, you can’t trust people, and you proved it right by sleeping with your friends husband.

    Linda on her own was cheating on her husband and also scammed him but didn’t get her share, all of you are the same. You all need to check yourselves.

    I advise you to totally break off from Lance, block his No and chats, but wil you do it is the issue. Sleeping with a married man is murder

    You are warned. Peace

  2. This is really a mess. You just shouldn’t have gotten married to your ex husband but no need to cry over what has happened.

    You need to find your space so please stay away from Lance for now and make peace with God.

    As much as even me I won’t allow Lance marry go back to Linda again, you too shouldn’t be with him either because you won’t ever have peace with yourself, and peace is paramount you both have to understand that. Give yourself time to find love again and cutting communications with him will help you heal faster. Good luck.

    • Thank you Mama. I was wondering the day someone will confront that judgmental Akindele.
      If you know you don’t have any advise to give it’s better you shut your mouth instead of judging other people.
      Thanks once again Mama.

    • You can go ahead. There are people especially women here that insult posters and call them names many times, i have seen it countless times, but you have never said anything about it. But its mine you have a problem with. Nonsense. You will rather lie to people than tell them the truth. Stop your bias sister. She still wants to be seeing her friends husband which is greed, keep massaging peoples ego and don’t tell them the bitter truth, you are not helping them. You can go ahead and block me ok.

  3. Dear Poster,
    Your best friend marriage is in trouble BUT not because of you Dear. You re on a different lane. Your lane is to find healing, forgiveness and direction . How i wish you can change enviroment. you need to be patient and thread cautiously with Lance coming into your life. Yes, it happens but, it comes with a price. i have a sister that walked this path , its not also a bed of roses to choose to be with someone you feel youre meant to be together and fate is pointing towards that direction. it comes with black mails, misconceptions and it can be a man’s world in the scenerio. You may be stigmatized.
    Lance has a basis for divorce , but he can still work things out with his wife. You should insist on the later . However, if he insists on divorce, he’s free to marry you .
    But ensure two things:
    1. Let the process run till the end before you accept of what hes offering
    2. Get his family’s nod of you ,its very important.
    Pending that, find your way back to God, seek His forgiveness , settle with Him. He ll direct your life. get busy, take care of your self, dont wait till a man makes you feel good about you. Hve open mind to life, keep staying safe.
    For me, these are what’s most important for you at this point, not Lance in the picture.


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