True Life Story: My Boyfriend Called Me A Liar & Pretender After I Lost My Virginity
Dear Lively Stones,
I need your advise mama. I pray I am not being judged too harshly, its not easy for me. I was raised in a very strict religious home. I tried my best to keep myself holy and remain a virgin even up until I got to the university. In my third year at Uni, I met a young man in the same fellowship, he made his intention known to me and I told him, ok as long as he is ready to wait for marriage before S**.
We dated for tow years successfully without any issues. However in my final year, I was having some difficulties with some of my courses and I was going to have an extra year if I didnt catch up. So, I started studying with some of my course mates at night in school prep. The smartest guy in our class was also part of this group. He took a liking to me and started pestering me, I told him I had a boyfriend and he relaxed a bit.
ALSO READ: How I Lost My Virginity After Three Years Of Engagement & Waiting
Unfortunately, one thing led to another, he had actually come to my room to teach me something I still couldnt get, I don’t know, maybe because I had spent so much time with him, I let myself go when kissing started. Before I knew it, we were having S**. I admit I was very weak at that point. After the whole thing, guilt began to consume me. I cried and cried.
This guilt consumed me that I began to avoid my boyfriend. He noticed I was avoiding him and he cornered me one day. I had to confess to him what happened. I cried and begged his forgiveness but he was so upset that he broke up with me. He called me a pretender and said there is nothing between us if I can give my V to someone I just met when both of us have dated for two years.
Again, I admit…I do not know what happened…how I gave up this precious thing I have kept all my life. I was so sad. But you see, this course mate that disvirgined me, when he realized he was my first, he become so nice and caring and at that time, I needed someone to comfort me because I felt everyone was judging me, I began to have S** with him regularly. I began to crave S**. It was like a discovery, a powerful urge I could not control.
I was alone, I stopped going to fellowship cos I felt I was already being judged. The fellowship people started gossiping about me, so there was no point going anymore. I kuku continued enjoying this forbidden S** until we graduated. After school, the relationship fell apart. I became single. During my service, my former boyfriend contacted me and started saying we should get back together.
This guy said he has finally been able to come to terms that someone else broke my V ….but he believes both of us are meant to be together so he has forgiven me and since it was only once, (he asked me the time it happened, how many times I had S** with my course mate and I told him only once), that he can put it behind him and we can be together again. He said some nice things, he wanted us to get married immediately after our service year,etc. Even though all the things he was saying, I loved it, I was worried because what he does not know is that, it was not once I had S**…and my mom likes him alot, she is pressuring me to accpet him back cos he is a God fearing man she thinks.
Like I said, after that first time, I started having S** with the same guys for almost 5 months till we graduated. Although, it was a secret but going back to my ex, I feel like, he hurt me by breaking up with me, when I lost my virginity….that means, he was only in love with my V…not me. Now, he thinks I have only had S** once…so what will happen when he finds out, its more than once?
That is why I need your advice….should I tell him ….that its not only once I have had S**? And not just with that guy….during camp, I had S** with someone….though it was just random…no serious commitment….or should I just keep mute? I love my ex still but I feel he is too judgmental. Maybe its for the best we stay broken up….I just need your advise…does he need to know my body count or the number of times I have had S**?
Should I tell him that I am not so innocent anymore or should I move on?
Anonymous
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wHY do i perceive you are really childish with this issue? Yes you have made mistake and if it was you that experienced broken trust, you would have done or said same or worse to your partner. So, thank him for summoning courage to return back to you.
Honestly, if you truly want to be together with your ex:
1. you must be disciplined enough to end this indulgence of illicit affairs and body counts. tHIS CAN be by fasting and prayers.
2. You may not need to tell your ex you have slept with the best student several times. dont add papper to injury, moreso, is not something you ought to be proud of and its not a measure of your openess. you ll only severe trusts between you both . please let sleeping dogs lie . theres nothing to be proud of here.
3. Be ready to work extra hard to win your ex’s trust back, paraventure you both eventually marry. He knows your story, he may hunt you with it in marriage, depending on his maturity level.
If only you truly repent and start al over again with someone who doesnt know your story, that for me is a better option. Youth service life is over, go and face life, work , learn skills, empower yourself, serve God. in the process, you ll get someone who truly cares .
peace
Do you still love your Ex? If yes,then keep your mouth closed. Do you want to agree to his marriage proposal all because your mum loves him and she is also pressuring you to marry him?
Nne think twice oooo,is this guy a husband material?He is just after your V and not your person. You know him better than I do,so make your choice and be sure of what you want.
Learn to be disciplined,learn to have self control over your body,be careful and be wise.
Check if you will still love to go back to that ex or not,if you want,please keep your mouth shut because he won’t be able to handle what you will tell him,if you don’t want him,you know how to walk away. Thank you
Dear Poster, it’s one of those bumps of life you just encountered.
Let the sleeping dog lie !
Please work seriously on yourself and your S.e.xuality. Stop having S.e.xual affairs with men and keep yourself pure and clean until you get married to someone you truly love and cherish. Don’t continue to rubbish your life with unhealthy lifestyle
Meanwhile, let’s take a look at this young and handsome guy that revealed his intentions to be with you.
Do you really love him and wish to spend the rest of your life with him ? If you feel inadequate and guilt ridden around him, leave him and move on with your life
This is not a matter of your mummy’s opinion of him but from your own assessment of him
It really matters that you should take time out to study him for quite some time before you say big Yes to his proposal to marry him
#Peace
Why will you say your boyfriend hurt you by breaking up with you, what did you expect him to do, embrace you?
Please tell him, you did it many times with two people, and tell him you are not interested, please leave him, he doesn’t deserve you. Please free him, let him be.
You both have been living without each other all this while, please forget about each other.
Virginity is not proof a woman will be faithful.
I wish you well sister.
✌️
The truth is He will not be able to handle it if He knows you had s.x several times with your classmate ( Teacher) He will use it against you in marriage and you will be living in fear of him ever finding out. I think He may not be so upright himself, perhaps he has also dated other girls since you and found out they have been with others, his basis of coming back is you are better than them , he thinks you fell only once. If He finds out after marriage it will affect your marriage.
I think it’s better you repent, bury your past, hold your head high and marry someone else (having s.x with them only after marriage).
If you must marry your ex, let him know the truth in summary not details and see if he still wants to marry. I doubt it He’ll keep referring to it.
All the best