True Life Story: My Boyfriend Called Me A Maniac-Says I Am Too Clingy
Hello Lively Stones,
I have been with my boyfriend for 7 months plus. I think we are not compatible and I want to move on but let me share my situation with you for advise, just to be sure that I am not being irrational. We met during a birthday of a mutual friend last year. He was very quiet throughout the party, I did not even notice him.
At the end of the party, the host asked me if I could drop him off since he was going my way and I was sharing an Uber with another friend as well. As we talked during the ride, he was just on his phone throughout without lifting his head up. I dropped the other lady friend up and he was next, he asked me for my account details, so we could split the uber fare.
That night, he actually sent my his part of the taxi fee and that’s how we got talking. I found out that he is into Tech, very quiet, he works from home most times but he can be a very good companion if he is in the mood. We chatted for about a month, before I asked him if he has a girlfriend, he was like, no…I asked why…he says he is not into relationships cos most girls don’t find him attractive.
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Long story short, I shot my shot with him, he still did not have the courage to ask me out. One day, I told him I liked him and would want to be his girlfriend. He said ok. That he likes me too but he did not have the courage to tell me. I invited him to my house that day. We spent most of the day gisting and I kissed him…he was so shy.
I practically made the move for S**, he was even shaking. I was like, are you a virgin, he said no…but the only time he had done it was back in Uni and he used to do it after drinking. I actually got him a drink and afterwards, we had S** and he is truly a beast in S** matters.
So, I am dating an introverted nerd and I am happy but the relationship feels abnormal because I am the one that initiates anything cos he is just not a social person. Everyone was happy for me cos I am very extroverted and social butterfly. I have a big personality, I am very friendly and I love hard too. Dating a complete opposite seemed like my perfect match.
Last December, I asked him if he could possibly see me as his future wife cos I really like him, I love him…he said time will tell. Since then, I noticed he started being even more introverted. I knew something was wrong when I even initiate S** and he will tell me that he is tired or not in the mood.
I used to ask him what was wrong, that if its because I asked him about marriage, he should let me know. He then told me that he thinks that I am too clingy and that I sometimes act like a S** maniac. I was stunned. And offended. I told that is an awful thing to say and he sad that its the truth cos I am moving too fast in the relationship.
For 2 whole weeks in January, I refused to talk to him and he too did not bother about me. I had to go to his place and found out that he travelled. It was around 10pm. His flat mate, also a Tech guy asked me to spend the night if it was too late. I called my boyfriend and told him I was in his place, he said I can spend the night if I want, that he went to see his uncle in Ajah. My place is Surulere, while my boyfriend stays in Maryland.
That night, I tossed and turned for hours. Konji was dealing with me. I managed till the next day. I called and called my boyfriend, he refused to pick up, I had to leave that Saturday evening without seeing him. when he got back, he came to see me and told me that he was deliberately refusing to take my calls because he wanted to prove to me that I was being too clingy…and that he knows I was coming cos I cannot stay 2 weeks without S**…that is why he left without telling me.
I feel insulted. I am not a maniac or too clingy. He says he wants us to continue dating but S** will have to be once in a month, plus that he likes his personal space, so I can only visit one in a month too. As for marriage, that will be next year, after I have shown that I can behave myself.
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So who does this guy think he is? he is making me feel like I am throwing myself at him….or maybe he is looking for a way to dump me? What do you think? Do you think he suddenly realized he wants to be a principled guy or he wants me to be fed up and go? I do not see how I can follow the conditions he is giving me…
If your boyfriend allows you visit only once in a month and only have S** in a month….is that not a red flag? Maybe there is someone else that he is hiding from me, my mind is racing and I don’t like it. My friend thinks I should give him a trial…do this weird relationship condition for one year and see…
What if after doing it, he still says I am too clingy and my personality is too much for him….me? a maniac? Later on, I found out from his friend, that he loves me alot but his friends are laughing at him … that I am the man in the relationship…that I was the one who toasted him and all that rubbish…so he wants to show his friends that he is in charge of the relationship.
When I asked him if it was true, he denied it, saying his friends envy him because he is dating a bold girl, that he just feels that I am too forward sometimes and he does not like me being clingy. I asked him how exactly I am clingy. He says, I always want my opinion to be the decision, that I am always calling him, texting him, touching him when we are in public and always wanting to come visit him, that his flat mates are always teasing him ….that we are always f*cking….
No wonder the stupid flat mate was acting flirty that night, maybe he thought I was a loose girl. Meanwhile, before we started dating, no one used to look at him, now, I see the way other girls look at him, now they want him too cos they now think a nerd is hot not weird anymore.
Please advice me…my boyfriend wants me to change but what he wants is like asking me to end the relationship already or do you think I am being paranoid? Too clingy…am I really that clingy? I think I am just a lover and if that is too much for him…maybe we are not compatible right?…I don’t know…I am truly upset and confused .
Anonymous
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Nne, truth be told,your boyfriend’s observation about you is totally right.
* You need to understand the kind of guy he is
* He is an introvert, doesn’t really relate,he likes his space,you have to know this and know peace.
*You are clingy and also being paranoid,you love S.e.x and he doesn’t really do,you have to also know this
* You have to calm down,slow down,don’t overspeed and overtake in order not to have heartbreak oooo, remember say na you first shoot your shot.
* Remove marriage from your mind because you guys are just 7months old and he is not even giving you the kind of GREEN LIGHT you want.
* If you love him keep to his rules of having S.e.x once in a month, if at all its right to do so,your bed undefiled my sister,don’t allow KONJI turn you to KONJINUS,biko zukwanike.
If you feel you can’t deal with it,please move on and get someone who will accept you just like the way you are,to me its as though you are the one forcing things and wanting to make the relationship work. God bless you sis
Who told you S.e.x is for unmarried people. Think about that.
I wish you well sister.
Babe, stop the S.e.x completely. Give him space. Stay for like 3 months before you visit and if he misses you, ask him to visit this time. When you see him, avoid S.e.x or touches. Just act stiff totally but still be friendly. You don’t need to have S.e.x every week, give yourself a break. Let the guy be. If he wants you,he’ll come for you and if not, just continue with the long distance relationship till it fizzles out and you will get someone that suits your personality. Don’t push too hard abeg,chill.
I think you are not compatible. He can’t satisfy you because his personality is too introverted.
Also, as a guy he needs to man up. He is obviously not confident enough and he is open to being pressured by others.
I think you should distance yourself from him. Let him be the one to look for you and desire. Don’t be too forward like you have been all this while. Watch and see how thinks go… But honestly, you are not compatible