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True Life Story: My Boyfriend Will Make A Great Partner But Will He Make A Great Lover?

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True Life Story: My Boyfriend Will Make A Great Partner But Will He Make A Great Lover?

Dear Lively Stones,

Joshua and I have been friends for over ten years before we became lovers. He is five years older than me. He was my older brother’s friend, they used to play football together every Saturday. They will come to house after playing ball and my mom used to cook for them. That is how we became friends cos I too was a tomboy, I knew alot about football and when the boys were talking, I would engage them.

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Time went on and Joshua went abroad for university while I barely managed to finish secondary school. I started working to sponsor myself in OND. My parents did not have enough, so once we finished secondary, you hustle for yourself if you want to further your education. While in my ND, Joshua connected with me on facebook and he started telling me he had a crush on me when he used to come to our house.

Things got serious and we started dating, he was like my first love. By this time, he was already back and working but I was doing my ND. He used to assist me financially too. Eventually, I got pregnant for him. He wanted me to abort it cos he said he was not ready for marriage. I stubbornly refused and he later agreed to support me financially. My parents were disappointed but Joshua kept his word and took care of me and our baby.

Its been four years, I have finished my OND for over 2 years but Joshua keeps saying he is not ready to settle down cos his family will not allow him marry someone who is not a graduate. I am already 26 years old, I want to settle down before I continue schooling but Joshua is saying I must go to school first. I think he does not want to marry me because he is cheating on me with several other women. I have seen his chats where he tells them that I am just his baby mama and nothing serious with me.

Its difficult to break up with Joshua cos I love him and he is a good dad to our daughter but I dont think he wants to marry me. A few months ago, I met this guy in church, he is a business man and he got talking to me. He seems very nice and after I told him my situation, he encouraged me to move on from Joshua. This guy, lets call him Kennedy, has been like a very solid friend to me. He assist me financially, morally, spiritually and emotionally.

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Our friendship has grown to the extent that he can cook for me and even clean for me. The day he came to my house and saw I soaked my pants for washing, he washed them for me…I swear to God, that turned me on so much that I made a move on him to kiss him but he gently resisted, saying he does not do s3x outside marriage. Kennedy is an ideal husband material and he is good with my daughter.

It was no brainer when he eventually proposed a month after I tried to kiss him. I said a very happy yes to him. I had the best guy. Yet, Kennedy would not have intimacy with me. The best he does is, give me a peck on the chick. I have urges and really want to make love to him but he keeps telling me to be patient that we have the rest of our lives to do that. Our plan is to do our marriage introduction next month and plan a wedding for December but every time my man comes around, I get very horny and cant stop wanting him.

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Two weeks ago, I took my daughter to see her dad, Joshua. I told him I was now engaged. He looked at me in disbelief and said no man can take me away from him. Joshua started touching me and I was quite horny and I yielded. I had s3x with Joshua and I felt so guilty about it. Joshua knows how to get me all riled up…he was taunting me and asking if my boyfriend is as good as him in bed. I told him I have never had s3x with my boyfriend that we are saving it for marriage.

Joshua laughed so hard and said no man can resist me s3xually…that why do I think he cant get me out of his head. He said I should insist on sleeping with Kennedy before marriage because he is suspecting Kennedy is gay or hiding something. Joshua does not believe any man can be in love with me and not want to sleep with me. I have a great body that many consider very s3xy sha. I know how men look at me and so its really a surprise that Ken still does not want to sleep with me.

So, few days ago, I made a plan. I decided to seduce kennedy. I made sure my daughter was with my mom and invited Kennedy over to my place. I made his best meal, served him some aphrodisiac mixed with honey. Then I put on a sexy movie to watch with him after…I started working up his manhood as we were watching the movie…he was asking what was wrong with me… I asked him to keep quiet….this time I was ready to make this guy f#ck me….I pulled out all my tricks…I was going to give him a blow job and make him want me but Kennedy got upset and got up.

I have never seen him so mad. He said what is wrong with me. I became angry and shouted at him, I told him I am horny and he is acting like a douche bag. He started saying saying, we agreed to wait until marriage…I told him why do I have to wait till marriage? Am not a virgin!!!…we have been dating for almost a year, we are engaged to be married…I am freaking horny….am sure God will understand….Ken said no way…that he does not want s3x with me until after marriage. I asked him what the problem is, I have never seen you have even a simple erection for me…are you sure you are not gay?

Things got out of hand and he left in anger. I could not believe what just happened. I was still horny as f#ck. I got my clothes on and went straight to the man who would never deny me s3x. Soon as Joshua opened the door, I pounced on him like a hungry and wounded lioness. Joshua was surprised but he understood I had needs that moment and he did not disappoint. After f#cking for one hour, I started crying. I asked Joshua why he does not want to marry me. Cos, I still love him and he loves me.

Joshua said he just does not believe in marriage but he said he would not mind me marrying anyone and also be my f#ck buddy anytime I need s3x. I finally realized Joshua is one of those men who because of his looks and status wants to continue to have fun with beautiful women, he does not want to be tied down by marriage to one woman. I am hurt. Hurt by Ken for rejecting me after all the work I put in to have some intimate time with him and hurt for being in love with a man like Joshua who will never marry me. I am now actually thinking Kennedy is hiding something from me…he must be…which man can resist a woman who they are planning to marry? We are not kids and I am not a virgin….

Kennedy has not called since that day and I am still angry with him so I have not called. Plus….how do I marry such a man who is good to me when am still f#cking my baby daddy every time I am horny? Its not my fault…its ken’s fault. He has not made it easy for me and how do I know he is not even hiding something from me….I mean…I don’t even know whether he gets an erection…I tried to give him a blow job and he pushed me away…is he even a man? And please, Ken is not that religious so its not about his religious beliefs either.

I am not a s3x maniac but a man who does not get an erection when you try to arouse him is a red flag…at least, if I saw an erection, I would have been a bit relaxed….instead. he got angry…haba…I want to get married to Ken because he is one man who has treated me very well but he has failed to show me he can be a good lover…what does this mean? How do I handle this issue now? All kinds of thoughts are running through my mind. Maybe ken does not find me attractive? What if my libido is higher than his? What if he is gay?

Please I need an answer from men here. Do you not find Ken’s behaviour strange? Joshua already says that is a red flag but Joshua is biased cos he wants to continue knacking me. But I am afraid that what if I still marry Ken and what if I discover he cant perform?  Is this how I will be running to Joshua or looking for other men to satisfy me? Ken does not want to reason with me….what should I do?

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And this one that Ken has not called me, does it mean he is still angry or should I call him? I feel hurt, especially since he keeps pushing me to f#ck Joshua.  Kennedy is a good man but I don’t just want a good man, I need a good lover…I just want him to prove to me that he can handle business…I already tried to seduce him and it did not work…so what do I do? Please advise me.

Anonymous

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Jzhane
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

3 COMMENTS

  1. Dear Poster,

    We worry when there is nothing to worry about in a relationship.

    When he said no sex till after marriage, you accepted and have been keeping to the promise, why the sudden change?

    You should have added your clause of… we will make love after engagement and before marriage as the feelings come. Maybe, you would have requested for kisses and foreplay. Look, you must keep your own part of the bargain.

    Kennedy is kind and asked for marriage which you wanted for you. He supports your education and child, yet you want sex more than you want a good man and marriage.

    Make your wise pick and stop being dramatic.

    Kennedy must be keeping a secret, you said, of course.
    His secret could be to keep his word now and forever. To have self control and discipline over flesh not what you think.

    To help you, tell your parents oror pastor to demand series of test especially the one that would determine if Ken is impotent or not.

    If the mind isn’t connected to a subject, the body will not respond to it.

    At this point, you must first decide what is important to you, Ken or sex.

    Then, reach out and have an adult conversation with Ken. Apologize and maintain your cool until the test results come out. Comport yourself and if you can’t, FREE KEN and follow Joshua for sexual needs ( since that means more to you) and wait for another serious man.

    Your concerns are valid but your actions are childish and consequential. Don’t lose your gold over indiscipline.

    Ken’s reactions are normal, you are panicking because you want sexual satisfaction now. Sure, it’s okay to confirm if your fiance is healthy. and able to satisfy you but you can do better with your method.

    Kennedy has not proven himself a gay at all, let’s stop turning some good traits to abnormal features.

    Some women want men like Kennedy, be wise.

    All the best.

  2. It looks like you’ve forgotten where you started your journey from?
    I am suspecting that because you have enough provisions from your baby father and your fiance you feel too comfortable and realize that the major thing to worry about is sex. If you’re not too comfortable with performance status of Ken please let him go. It will not be fair that after he has married you, and your expectation on sex is not met and you have to cheat on him with Joshua.
    You’re just one of the few that finds love as a baby mama, and this act of indiscipline is what you cannot curb. If you’re not sure he can satisfy you despite your moves to seduce him then free him. Correcting your mistake of becoming a baby mama is to have good home and have a higher degree should be your focus;as your decision will impact a girl-child you’re raising.

  3. Dear poster,you need to forget about Joshua and focus on your life,try to control your urge over sex….. Have self control and be disciplined

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