True Life Story: My Entire Family Is Fighting Over My Sister & Her Husband Issues
Hi Lively Stones,
My family is torn apart right now because of my sister and her marriage. My sister and her husband have been married for eleven years now. They have three daughters and they were living very fine. Until three years ago, my sister’s husband was involved in a an accident that rendered him bound to the wheel chair. That was a very trying time for my sister and our family cos the husband was the bread winner of the family.
My wife had to start working after that. Although, the husband also had some businesses that the wife had to be directly involved in. But the issue is, after a while, they started having marital issues. But none of us the family members were aware. Until this happened: I was called last month by my mom, that my sister’s marriage is on fire. What happened: the house girl, like relative, that my sister brought to their house to take care of the children while she went to work and pursued her husbands businesses is pregnant.
Not just pregnant….after much investigation, they found out she is pregnant for my husband’s wheel chair bound husband. What happened…how did that happen? Family meeting was called. My sister’s husband started opening a can of worms. That a year after his accident, my sister changed. She refused to have s3x with her husband even though his manhood is still ok. According to the man, she was tired of having s3x on a wheel chair.
My sister changed and her husband accused her of cheating on him but he did not report her cos he felt bad that he could not get up from the wheel chair to please his wife. So, while my sister went out to be gallivanting, her husband and the house girl started having s3x behind her back. Now, the girl is pregnant and my sister wants her to abort the child. The girl said she had a dream that she gave birth to a boy and my sister’s husband said because of that dream, the pregnancy will not be aborted.
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So, the family has decided that the girl move back to the village, have the child and return the child back to my sister to look after. First, the husband refused that the girl should go to the village. He said, even though he is in a wheel chair, his thing is working and if my sister continues to deny him s3x, then the girl must stay back cos he has his needs. The husband’s family are in support and they are accusing my sister of abandoning their brother cos he is in a wheel chair.
My sister got mad and said over her dead body that her husband will continue to sleep with the girl. The husband sef is saying, he wants to marry the girl cos the girl was the one who was there for him when my sister treated him less than a man. My sister is threatening to divorce her husband and her husband is saying if she divorces him, he will cut off she and her daughters from his will. The man has changed his will. My sister is saying the man is evil and ungrateful and my family is supporting her but when they told me, I supported my sister’s husband and my family is angry with me.
My family said the husband is lying about my sister and that I am supporting someone who cheated on my blood sister. That the husband’s allegation of my sister cheating is a lie cos he never caught her with any man. That my sister could not meet up with her conjugal responsibilities cos she was juggling between her job and the husbands businesses….that is why she was too tired to be climbing wheel chair to satisfy her husband.
Please who do we believe now? Who is wrong here? my sister or her husband? And what should me sister do now? Should she divorce and loose everything she and the man worked for or should she stay and become co wife with a girl that may give birth to a son for her husband under the same roof? This matter is causing serious kasala in my family and many of us are divided on what to to do…some want her to divorce, some want her to stay and claim what is rightfully hers.
Please what do you people advise?
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Your sister shouldn’t have abandoned her husband all because he is on a wheel chair.
Divorce is not an option in this matter because she will lose big time,let her show her husband love,treat him right,stop cheating if at all she is.
Let her allow the girl give birth,then they can settle her and send her to the village unless her husband wants to marry her if she gives birth to a boy since he has just girls.
It is well,wetin madam no fit do,nahim house girl dey climb wheel chair dey do sotey she carry belle,we need to be wise as women .
The baby should not be aborted, your Sisters husband does not have to marry the help if both husband and wife are ready to make their marriage work.
If they are ready to make it work, they need to apologise to each other and stop sleeping with anyone else apart from their married spouse.
They house help can return back home and take care of her baby regardless of the sex of the baby and there should be an agreed amount sent to her to take care of the child best sent by the wife. Anytime they come around it should be with the full knowledge of your Sister and they should not be left alone.
Can your Sisters husband still do some work eg meetings online etc to reduce the work load on your Sister? Can she try to meet her husbands need as much as possible and vice versa, can they try to use a helper less likely to end up in bed with your Sisters husband? Can she put camera’s in his room while doing her best to hold the fort and avoid any distraction outside ( hopefully that was only a rumour).
Even if your Sister decides to divorce if your Brother in law insist the help must stay ( which I hope they don’t) your Sisters husband has a responsibility of care to his children and should not take his children off his will. Being an ex wife, he should also at least leave something to her otherwise it’s a display of wickedness especially if your sister is not messing about. Would his house help be able to run his businesses?
Please be kind to your Sister. No one should be taking sides. What happened to her husband was unfortunate hopefully he’ll get better but have you thought about if he treated her well when he was ok and if she is actually struggling with the change of going to work, coming home to a grumpy husband, having s.x on a wheel chair and caring for the family?
Marriage is better or best / better or worse depending on their vows, your Sister needs to keep trying to care for her husband.
Aside families who are taking sides and causing more hurt for the spouse not in their good books, can their Pastor whom they respect speak to both parties from a Biblical perspective and peace will return if they heed the advice.
All the best
I have come to know that while some men can have many businesses and still come home and pleasure their wives in bed, they are some who, after the day’s work, are too tired to touch their wives.
In this case, it’s the woman that’s too tired to do anything for her man after business hours. Yes, the man said she is not willing to do it on d wheel chair anymore, much as am not praising the woman for what she did, but I feel running around the whole day , doing oga’s business and probably her own job, she’s bound to be tired.
It’s a matter of understanding, unless the man has a high libido. There should be days when the man should understand that the wife came home tired. I tell you, it’s not easy taking care of a wheel chair bound spouse, taking care of the children, home and business. It’s draining.
Now I want to ask, what if there was no maid in the house? What would the man have done? Roll down the streets, looking for who to satisfy him? I think the man was selfish in this area. You sent your wife to run your business, then when she’s too tired to take care of needs, you accuse her of infidelity. Did he try to reason with her? Is he really sure of his accusations?
Well, now that there is a baby involved, my take on that is that they should allow the girl to give birth but not in their house. She can return home. But if at the end of the day , he chooses to marry her, he should arrange for an accomodation for her, at least, to respect the woman at home.
I can tell you that it’s extremely hard for a woman to see her husband loving a maid under her roof. It’s heart breaking.
However, what is done is done. I think they need to rebuild their relationship. Maybe see a therapist. Both of them have been hurt. They have to rebuild their trust for each other.
And the woman needs to take care of her husband’s sexual needs. If there are days she’s too tired after the day’s work, it’s just a matter of understanding. Praying together will help too. They can talk to their pastor too. Spiritual counsel is very important too.
All the best to them
Both of them were wrong. Why did the man wait till the house help got pregnant before speaking up.
Someone may be doing things wrongly without knowing. I don’t think the wife really thought about the impact of not having sex with her husband. She always thought he will understand, he cannot cheat etc. The husband also didn’t communicate well with his wife.
We must also understand that both of them are in a situation they never expected before the accident they were fine.
The way forward is that that girl should leave the house and go back to the village. The man will be responsible for the child’s welfare but him and his wife should mend their relationship. He can’t keep that girl for any reason and if he insists then the woman should file for divorce and charge him for infidelity.