True Life Story: My Fiancé & His Family Are Hiding A Secret From Me
Hi Lively Stones,
Please advice me. I am 25 years old, I have been engaged for one year now but I have an issue. The issue is, I found out my boyfriend is keeping a big secret from me. Before my engagement, I dated my boyfriend for three years. Jacob my boyfriend is five years older than me, we were going to get married this year when he turned 30 in August is acting strange. By strange, I mean, for someone who said we are getting married in August which is just about three months from now, he has not shown any serious commitment.
Well, I don’t blame him much because he lost his job in March but he has gotten another one in May, though the salary is not as much as the former job. When I asked him when we will start marriage introductions and preparing for wedding, he said he is not sure if it can happen this year because he is not financially ready. But sometimes, he will say, lets trust God and see how things will go.
Dating someone for four years is a long time…I know we are both young and maybe we don’t have all the money we need but I don’t need much to get married. I told him, lets do introduction and court wedding. Because we are staying together, I feel he is not seeing the urgency for marriage after all, I am already in his house. This thing, I have thought about it long and I feel like moving out of his house but he says if I move out, then the relationship is over.
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My boyfriend has a jealous streak…he does not want me to stay anywhere apart from his house or my parents house. My parents are not in Lagos, they are in Jos. I only have few friends here in Lagos and staying alone is not an option for Jacob. And I cannot go back to my parents cos of my job here…I am a nurse. I am also afraid of getting pregnant even though I have been on contraceptive. My parents are catholic, they will not support any abortion, I was not raised that way.
Then, to make matters worse, Jacob’s half sister came to stay with us for a few weeks. This girl was very nice to me but one day, she told me that she likes me too much, that I am too pretty and from what she is seeing, she does not think Jacob is going to marry me. I asked her why…she said because Jacob is planning to travel abroad for his masters. That was where all his money savings are going into, as he is saving to travel. That even the family is contributing for him to japa. That they feel it would be better for the family, for him to japa first before getting married.
Jacob’s sister begged me not to say anything cos its a family secret. You know, people don’t talk about their abroad travel plans because of superstition. That Jacob has said he will tell me when everything is set. So, I told her to help me stylishly ask Jacob what his plans is for me. She said she cant ask him cos he will suspect her. So she asked another family member, that one said, Jacob said, marrying me is if it is God’s will cos right now, his focus is how to japa. What does that mean?
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I am shocked, my own boyfriend did not tell me anything. And because this his half sister told me not to say anything, I am wondering how then will I confront him with this information. Should I wait until he tells me himself? Or should I confront him? And do you think he truly is not planning to marry me before he travels? What does he mean by saying marrying me is if it is God’s will? I have so many questions to ask but I cant because if I do, that means I will betray the person who told me in confidence. But should I continue to sit and wait until Jacob is ready to break the news to me?
Is this news really true? Is Jacob planning to travel and leave me here? Or is he taking me along? Is this marriage thing still going to happen? I am so scared of breaking up cos Jacob has been my life for the past four years…is it all going to be for nothing? 4 whole years? Do you really think Jacob will abandon me to travel? How do I handle this matter please?
Anonymous
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At 25 years and you are already this desperate for a man who does not wish you well,who only wants to waste your precious time and at the same time controlling where you’re suppose to live.
Why should you live with a man all because he engaged you,is engagement marriage? Why are you living with Jacob,Hun?
You need to confront Jacob,ask him why he has chosen to japa instead of fulfilling his plans of marrying you in August. He needs to be aware that you already know of his plans of japaing,shoir .
Anyways,Jacob will not marry you whether you confront him or not. Prepare your mind for better breakfast,this breakfast is gonna be served hot,be ready,be prepared. It is well oooooo
First of all, you need to look for somewhere else to stay. You can’t be living with him and expect him to do the needful, if he likes you, he must learn to trust your relationship
with other people.
You are both young, don’t rush, now you know his mind is somewhere else, why stress him on marriage?. He may need one or two or five more years before he settles down. Meaning, make plans for your own life too. If he is not planning with you, it means he doesn’t trust you that much.
Hey sis I was reading your story along the line I got so angry that I can’t complete the story anymore . Please when you are staying with a particular partner especially when you are not married but cohabiting,you will think he or she’s is all you got if you leave the relationship no one is gonna comes for you again. But it not so, you will never get a better person unless you leave that relationship you are managing.please this is my advice I no you will start all over but don’t wait until that guy leave you before you will start all over. You better start all over now cuz I no what my gender can do he will leave you when what he’s waiting for comes to his hands. Please leave that guy now. Don’t wait till tomorrow tell him you are not doing again.he is just using you to hold body that guy don’t have any Permanent plan with you. All his plans are temporary and will soon expire. Him no love you even small.
Please don’t leave him, continue your work as the S.e.x machine you are to him. Who will help me to explain this to my gender that you don’t stay in a guy’s house without a complete ring on your finger, you dey perform the role of married woman for person way never marry you put for house or even think of doing an introduction in your family house and my sister turn lord of the ring for one year biko aunty pack your load and move out
I’ll be blunt but you are acting very foolishly living in a man’s house who has not married you. If He is enjoying everything a married man will for free he would not see the urgency to marry you.
There is actually no need to confront Him since He’s sister confided in you. Have some self respect for yourself, He’s travelling abroad is not going to heaven to allow you swallow this. Look for an accommodation and move into it, can’t you see He is selfish, holding on to you this way? He has no right to say if you do not live under his roof the relationship is over when He has not married you. If He cannot trust you now, how can he trust you when he is abroad and cannot see you. He is also planning selfishly to allow everything fall into place with his travel plans before he lets you know and maybe leaves you behind depending on how things work out for him, don’t you think when he travels he will start looking for someone who has the right to live in the county he is studying to marry?
Move out. Just say you prefer to leave on your own till you are married. Don’t allow any man sleep over in your new place, focus on your life, mingle and let the person who will marry you in a dignified way show up.
Please treasure yourself and do the right thing for you.
Who not tell your Parents you are living in a man’s house now and see how disappointed they will be in you.