True Life Story: My Fiancé Shocked Me With His Demand For Pre-Nup
Dear Lively Stones,
Please how do you feel about pre-nups? I am a typical girl who believes that marriage is sacred and its for ever. Currently, I live in UK but my fiancé is in Nigeria. We are both medical doctors. We have been dating for many years, from while we both worked in teaching hospital in Lagos. We got engaged and did our marriage introductions according to Yoruba tradition.
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Then I got my papers and travelled to UK. The plan is for my fiancé to join me as soon as possible. Infact, his papers are already in process. Then one day, we were just gisting normally and talking about how modern marriages especially celebrity marriages now require pre-nups as a must before marriage.
Out of no where, my fiancé said he also believes in pre-nup and that we too should get a pre-nup. I was shocked cos all through our dating, which is almost five years, he never mentioned something like this. To me, pre-nup, is like already setting your marriage for failure. Yes, that is my belief. Europeans and Americans do it but not us as Africans. So, I told him, no I would never agree to that.
My fiancé was quiet and said that would be a problem if I refuse. I asked him how, he said, maybe we should then reconsider our marriage plans because its like both of us have different ideas on the matter. Can you believe what this man is saying? To be honest, some of my friends say its a good idea because, if there is ever a breakup of the marriage, me, as the woman will get a fair share of our assets, etc.
That is my fear, why are we even talking about break up for marriage that has not even started? Is my man foreseeing a future breakup? This scares me cos I believe marriage is forever….no divorce….my fiancé says he knows but with the way women of these days behave, with all that feminism crap, that even though we love each other, that both of us living in UK, maybe things might change and he does not want to risk everything he has worked for to divorce if it happens.
This whole crap that when Nigerians japa, their wives will change and all that is the reason he is talking like this…but for God’s sake, why wont he trust me? I know he knows am not the materialistic type. And why will he think we will ever divorce?
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I love my fiancé to the moon and this mindset worries me. And even after I have tried to convince him that we don’t need a pre-nup, that we will never divorce, he says he will not go ahead with the marriage if I refuse a pre-nup. I am confused and upset and afraid. I actually feel betrayed. I have not spoken to my fiancé since two days. He’s been calling and I only texted him that why is he calling if he does not agree with me. He just texted …ok.
I have spoken to a few of our close friends about this…they have talked to my fiance…he is telling them that my refusal for pre-nup is showing that I have ulterior motive…he says if I am so sure that we will never divorce, then I should not be afraid of a pre-up….what kind of talk is that? Does he not know that the power of tongue is strong…even if we both don’t believe in break up and yet we sign pre-nup….are we not giving that power over our marriage someday?
Please, what do you people think? Do you agree with pre-nup? Or do you agree with me that its a assurance of the failure of any marriage? Should I just sign and believe we will never need it in future? Please, let me know what you think and what I should do.
Thank you.
Anonymous
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Dear poster,there is absolutely nothing to be afraid or worried about …. He’s bringing up the matter of prenup because of the country you guys will be residing after marriage and you know what most women do especially Nigerian women…..
Put your mind at rest,help him to erase that impression he has about you not agreeing to prenup,he needs to have known you by now,five years of relationship and yet he’s still having little doubt and no trust for you… Huh! Check well oooooo before marrying such a guy,a guy who hasn’t even gotten married and his mentality is already this way…. God abeg ooooo
I wish you all the best…. Look before you leap
My sister that is marriage for you. You will still see more shocking things when you get married. Just be prepared.
I think you should sign the prenup if you truly love him and are willing to commit to this union. No one knows tomorrow, just be happy and stop involving others in your relationship. For all you know, they can snatch him from you.
Don’t make this a big deal, first get married and the in marriage things can be settled. Enjoy your happiness and focus on that. Just see this prenup as someone making a will. I am sure you both will be fine. Move past this quickly, don’t let it drag!
Dear poster, don’t be in a hurry to marry yet, I think you need to both understanding each other a bit concerning this prenup issue, you both need to work on trust, he shouldn’t doubt you for any reason cause you people has been together for long.
But that marriage for you oo, it brings out attitude you never know existed in your partner, it might not even be about you, he also might have plans of coming abroad and after a while breaking off the marriage. The ball is in your court pray about it very well and apply wisdom which the bible says is profitable to direct. I pray God gives it to you in abundance.
Dear poster Remember, a strong relationship is built on mutual respect, trust, and communication. Take time to work through this issue together – Evaluate whether this is a deal-breaker for you, Consider seeking advice from a lawyer or financial advisor,Think about the potential impact on your relationship if you refuse to sign a prenup. approach the conversation with empathy and understanding. Good luck
For me. Madame if you will yield to my candid just pause that marriages . The issue of trust ie very paramount. Don’t underestimate this red flag . Because if you do. Had I know which is the last comment of a fool is inevitable.
Don’t go for that marriage
The guy might be sincerely still in love with you but wants security and protection who knows maybe it’s out of fear of the unknown of the future or past experiences
I will suggest if both of still truly love eachother and the love still exist because truth be told people change
But for me I will suggest they Find common grounds: they may not agree on the prenup itself, but they can discuss other ways to address his concerns, such as a postnuptial agreement or other legal protections.
This is what a legal adviser can help you solve amicably
And life goes one
I give him a big salute, he is truly a correct guy. Why are you triggered about he wanting a prenup? Sebi its his money, so why pained?
Western nations hate their men, and worship women, the laws there favor women, in divorce, child custody, child settlement and the likes where a woman gets 50% of the mans money and properties, lose his children, even when the child is not his, he will still be mandated to keep paying child support, when a man is lied against by a woman, he gets jailed, loses his job, wealth and the likes, but when a woman commits crime like murder, rape of boys, many times they get no punishment, or get smaller punishment, compare the the scenes of a man being punished losing his wealth and being jailed and a woman committing murder, rape of boys, and getting a slap on the hand or none at all. You can’t tell me, you don’t know western nations are gynocentric. I can go on and on, lol, and you are pretending you don’t know. OK, please, can you please before you marry give him 50% of your money? Can you?
You women never amaze me with your manipulative nature and pretending not to know what’s up
To any men reading this, don’t travel to western nations, these laws are anti male, and pro female. Do not let any woman tell you, I love you, don’t you trust me, I will not do that bla bla bla. Many men that were foolish for women were told same thing, but learnt the painful way. Western nations are run by effeminate men, SIMPs, manginas, captain save women, shemales, emasculated men, weak men, women worshippers. Don’t be fooled at all
I see this as lack of trust which is a big red flag in a relationship.
Why go into a marriage that has its foundation built on distrust and the belief of the possibility of a break up in the future?
I advise you press the pause button, please.
Dear Poster,
I have realised that many marriages are transactional these days.
It’s a pity he feels that way and wants the pre-nup.
If you love him, think real deep, consult a lawyer resident in the country where you are. Talk to a pastor or marriage counsellor you are close to.
The truth is this needs deep thinking and consideration before accepting or rejecting it.
If he lacks trust now, had he given you any clue not to trust him before now? I pray you get the best guidance especially at the place of prayers.
All the best.