True Life Story: My Girlfriend Has Changed Since I Asked Her To Marry Me-Girlfriend Responds
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Dear Lively Stones,
Good afternoon mama. Hmm…I really do not like to come to the public to discuss private matters like this. I am an introvert, its my Fiancé that is the extrovert. Yes, I did not mind when he said he was going to share our issue with the house because I trust Mama Jzhane and the house to advise objectively. I have also read some peoples comments saying things that really disappointed me but I do not blame them cos they do not know me.
As I speak, me and my fiancé have reconciled. Big thanks to Mama Jzhane. My fiancé now sees the point I am trying to make and I really would like to shut up and forget about this matter but maybe someone will learn from my experience, so I will share my own side of the story.
Its true, that when I met my fiancé, things were not ok for him financially. For me, what I was looking for was someone who would be faithful and honest to me in a relationship. He was always honest and I have a good job, so I was not looking to get anything from him, I just needed things that money cannot buy from him: things like love, honesty, faithfulness and respect.
Our relationship has been good and I have seen that he has also been able to get his business on a stable ground. He is not as broke as he was before. My man has done well for himself. Thank God for that. I can say categorically that I have also been of immense help to him, I have helped him both financially and otherwise. I do not need to begin to say things I have done for him in this relationship.
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All I want is for him to be happy and progress, I have never asked him for anything. Now, I said things have changed for him yet, he still acts like he is broke like a pauper. Like Jzhane said, I have to start teaching him how to be an emotionally responsive man. When I noticed that he never takes me out because he is coming from when he could not afford to take me out, I had to speak out.
I mean, I am the one who always initiates for us to go out. When we do, I will be the one to pay the bills. I never mind cos I knew he could not afford it at the time. Now, I know what my man makes. He is not broke. Yes, he is still in debt but that is how business runs. Its money you used to make money and whatever I ask him to do is something I know he can do very comfortably.
When I ask him to take me out, I ask him to pay the bill sometimes and he does but I know he would rather not cos he feels all those things are like wasting money. But I know its just his phobia of where he is coming from. Now, when my man proposed to me. I was overjoyed. In my head, I was already planning wedding.
Like every girl, I was thinking of my gown, my wedding train, everything, I was excited and ready to spend my money on it cos I can afford it and I am an only girl from a family of 5 boys…so you can imagine that my family will be really excited at my upcoming wedding. My man knows my family is also well to do so, money is not an issue.
My man proposed in December. I was already telling my family and friends. And 3 months later, he has not said anything else since he proposed in the night. My man knows I am a family oriented person. My family is very close. My parents are wondering when he will tell them about his intentions. 3 months after…he has not said anything to my dad. I told my dad that he will soon come.
Three months later, no movement from him. No ring on my hand…nothing. I had to ask him his plans for seeing my parents …he said he is not ready. Ah…so, how do you engage me without informing my parents. He said he will come and meet them when he is ready. I told him my parents are simple people. Lets just visit them one weekend. I can even organize whatever gift you think they will be expecting…just to tell them…later…when you are ready…come and do introduction…he said no.
Then I asked him…when am I getting an engagement ring…he said he did not think it was necessary. I was shocked. So, I started getting upset. I had to tell him that he is not regarding my feelings. I accepted your proposal to marry you yet, you have not said a word to my parents 3 months after. You do no think a ring is necessary and the final one I asked him: can we have a formal engagement ceremony? Lets have a few friends attend. He said no.
Ma, no one advised me…I advised myself. So, if we have not married and this man does not care about anything that I care about, then what kind of marriage are we going to have. I felt like I have made things too easy for him. Shebi I have given him S**, my money, my love, my loyalty without demanding anything from him…and the first time I will ask him anything, he refuses?
My man knows I am not a materialistic person. I just want to be treated better. Yes we have made up cos he explained to me that he did not see things the way I explained. I told him that we can discuss this after I also have given my side of the story. But truthfully…what is wrong with what I asked him for? How do you invite me to your house to come and take my engagement ring? Am I that desperate to get married? I am not.
I told him, if he cannot organize a small engagement or small get together and put a ring on my hand…then he should keep his cheap ring. I said that in anger but I only said that cos of the way he told me to come and collect ring. I am not happy about these things…I feel we need to talk and we will talk about it…I just want him to show that he has even appreciated the 2 years of showing him loyalty and unconditional love…is that too much to ask?
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All those saying I am lucky to have a good man…should know that he is also lucky to have a good hardworking woman. I am not lazy. I am not cheating and have no intentions of doing that. No one is poisoning my mind…my mind is clear on what I want. I want my man to treat me better. Now, its almost 5 months after he said he wants to marry me…I think he should man up and come and tell my parents.
No big deal. He should also show his commitment by giving me an engagement ring cos my family does not believe he is serious about his proposal. I don’t care if the ring is only one naira…as long as he does things the right way. I am not pregnant or going to marry in secret. I do not want to hide my engagement. I can order for refreshments, all he needs is to even appreciate that I want to be treated like the love of his life in front of our close friends and family.
As for the wedding…we can do a civil wedding and traditional one. No need for big ceremony but trust my parents…they would sponsor everything 100% if I allow them. Their only daughter…are you kidding me? My man has got a good thing in me and he knows it. If he is sincere, he knows that I am the best thing that happened to him. I just need him to sometimes show that I am worth something to him. Is that too much to ask?
Now, after you have heard from me, what do you think I did wrong? I am ready to receive any further objective advice but please let the advice be balanced. Also advise my fiancé and pray for us.
Thank you ma.
Anonymous
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I have carefully read your story and that of your guy, You both are good people. I think your guy out of over excitement and perhaps fear not to loose you, went and proposed when he wasn’t fully ready to follow up on his proposal.
As soon as you proposes to a lady the next time she will be talking about is wedding, that is why you have to propose when you are ready, even though the will happen 6 months or 1 year after base on your financial planning. You have to do a follow-up, which was what the young lady asked for. However my dear, don’t always talk about how well to do your family is, so that it won’t seem as if you are rubbing it on your guys face. Your guy is just a simple guy whom doesn’t feel all those things were important, try to put him through and create time to talk. God bless you both.
Having read your side of the story, I understand with you perfectly. He doesn’t look serious to me, seems more like he’s taking advantage of your goodness towards him. He’s lucky to have you too. If what you mean by formal engagement is the usual marriage Introduction then it’s very COMPULSORY that is done but if you mean him throwing a so called “surprise engagement” party for family and friends just like the ones we see on social media where people pretend to be surprised then I don’t support you.
Dear groom to be, like I said earlier, if you are not ready to marry her, don’t waste her time nor look for S.e.x. Define what you want and be focused. No need to delay if you are capable.
I read your fiancé part of the story yesterday and I didn’t feel comfortable. There is nothing wrong in organizing a small get together with small chops and drinks for about 20 people. I understand you are in debt but you can also squeeze out 50k to make your lady happy.
If you can’t spare that much, ask your woman for a little support. Marriage is partnership, you both need to learn how to plan for everything, including finance related issues.
I pay bills with my hubby, we split cash to buy cars, in fact, major bills has to be shared except either of us can manage to handle the bill.
Bros, make your woman special a little and open up when you can’t handle the expenses alone. Go see her parents and make your intentions known if you are serious.
Wifey, may the LORD grant you wisdom to effectively handle a man who is in debt and desperate to clear of the bills.Please don’t push this guy to get the marriage done, both of you should work on the cost implications and be ready financially. Your parents should not be the one paying your bills in “your” marriage.
Don’t let your parents cash get on you as well. You are too confident with the wealth of your parents which makes you sound a little too proud.
My sister I understand you perfectly well. I’m in your shoes but in my own case I’ve been married for six years and husband man does know how to appreciate or take care of me. It’s like I made things too easy and simple for him. When I complain he says I want him to praise him for all I’ve been doing, so currently I don’t complain again I just show my actions like you did and when he becomes confused I then voice my displeasure without any hard feelings or painful emotions because then I know he’ll listen. This has started working for me and he has started changing and listening to me.
I don’t know why some men can’t see and appreciate an emotionally, financially and spiritually balanced lady.
You need to demand respect if you’re not being treated right my dear.
God bless you.
My dear sister you must keep insisting because sometimes men take understanding ladies for granted. When he saw you, did he see suffering in you? So if he wants to marry you he must ensure that you don’t lack anything. Brother, go and work hard and spend on your woman. Moreover she is not asking for anything out of the ordinary. Look at the home she is coming from and try to match up and even do better
She is your pride, so treat her like a queen and stop all these stories.
Do the needful but if your are not ready then let her go. You can’t propose and draw back.
Why exactly do you want him to propose to you in front of people.
Also you said you are the best thing that has happened to him, your statement is reason why many men are not always to comfortable when women help them cos you women will make it look like you are the life of the mans life.
Is it a must he proposes in the presence of people..of cos not, although he should see your parents to tell them his intention.
✌