True Life Story: My Girlfriend Has Changed Since I Asked Her To Marry Me-Girlfriend Responds
Dear Lively Stones,
Good afternoon mama. Hmm…I really do not like to come to the public to discuss private matters like this. I am an introvert, its my Fiancé that is the extrovert. Yes, I did not mind when he said he was going to share our issue with the house because I trust Mama Jzhane and the house to advise objectively. I have also read some peoples comments saying things that really disappointed me but I do not blame them cos they do not know me.
As I speak, me and my fiancé have reconciled. Big thanks to Mama Jzhane. My fiancé now sees the point I am trying to make and I really would like to shut up and forget about this matter but maybe someone will learn from my experience, so I will share my own side of the story.
Its true, that when I met my fiancé, things were not ok for him financially. For me, what I was looking for was someone who would be faithful and honest to me in a relationship. He was always honest and I have a good job, so I was not looking to get anything from him, I just needed things that money cannot buy from him: things like love, honesty, faithfulness and respect.
Our relationship has been good and I have seen that he has also been able to get his business on a stable ground. He is not as broke as he was before. My man has done well for himself. Thank God for that. I can say categorically that I have also been of immense help to him, I have helped him both financially and otherwise. I do not need to begin to say things I have done for him in this relationship.
All I want is for him to be happy and progress, I have never asked him for anything. Now, I said things have changed for him yet, he still acts like he is broke like a pauper. Like Jzhane said, I have to start teaching him how to be an emotionally responsive man. When I noticed that he never takes me out because he is coming from when he could not afford to take me out, I had to speak out.
I mean, I am the one who always initiates for us to go out. When we do, I will be the one to pay the bills. I never mind cos I knew he could not afford it at the time. Now, I know what my man makes. He is not broke. Yes, he is still in debt but that is how business runs. Its money you used to make money and whatever I ask him to do is something I know he can do very comfortably.
When I ask him to take me out, I ask him to pay the bill sometimes and he does but I know he would rather not cos he feels all those things are like wasting money. But I know its just his phobia of where he is coming from. Now, when my man proposed to me. I was overjoyed. In my head, I was already planning wedding.
Like every girl, I was thinking of my gown, my wedding train, everything, I was excited and ready to spend my money on it cos I can afford it and I am an only girl from a family of 5 boys…so you can imagine that my family will be really excited at my upcoming wedding. My man knows my family is also well to do so, money is not an issue.
My man proposed in December. I was already telling my family and friends. And 3 months later, he has not said anything else since he proposed in the night. My man knows I am a family oriented person. My family is very close. My parents are wondering when he will tell them about his intentions. 3 months after…he has not said anything to my dad. I told my dad that he will soon come.
Three months later, no movement from him. No ring on my hand…nothing. I had to ask him his plans for seeing my parents …he said he is not ready. Ah…so, how do you engage me without informing my parents. He said he will come and meet them when he is ready. I told him my parents are simple people. Lets just visit them one weekend. I can even organize whatever gift you think they will be expecting…just to tell them…later…when you are ready…come and do introduction…he said no.
Then I asked him…when am I getting an engagement ring…he said he did not think it was necessary. I was shocked. So, I started getting upset. I had to tell him that he is not regarding my feelings. I accepted your proposal to marry you yet, you have not said a word to my parents 3 months after. You do no think a ring is necessary and the final one I asked him: can we have a formal engagement ceremony? Lets have a few friends attend. He said no.
Ma, no one advised me…I advised myself. So, if we have not married and this man does not care about anything that I care about, then what kind of marriage are we going to have. I felt like I have made things too easy for him. Shebi I have given him s3x, my money, my love, my loyalty without demanding anything from him…and the first time I will ask him anything, he refuses?
My man knows I am not a materialistic person. I just want to be treated better. Yes we have made up cos he explained to me that he did not see things the way I explained. I told him that we can discuss this after I also have given my side of the story. But truthfully…what is wrong with what I asked him for? How do you invite me to your house to come and take my engagement ring? Am I that desperate to get married? I am not.
I told him, if he cannot organize a small engagement or small get together and put a ring on my hand…then he should keep his cheap ring. I said that in anger but I only said that cos of the way he told me to come and collect ring. I am not happy about these things…I feel we need to talk and we will talk about it…I just want him to show that he has even appreciated the 2 years of showing him loyalty and unconditional love…is that too much to ask?
All those saying I am lucky to have a good man…should know that he is also lucky to have a good hardworking woman. I am not lazy. I am not cheating and have no intentions of doing that. No one is poisoning my mind…my mind is clear on what I want. I want my man to treat me better. Now, its almost 5 months after he said he wants to marry me…I think he should man up and come and tell my parents.
No big deal. He should also show his commitment by giving me an engagement ring cos my family does not believe he is serious about his proposal. I don’t care if the ring is only one naira…as long as he does things the right way. I am not pregnant or going to marry in secret. I do not want to hide my engagement. I can order for refreshments, all he needs is to even appreciate that I want to be treated like the love of his life in front of our close friends and family.
As for the wedding…we can do a civil wedding and traditional one. No need for big ceremony but trust my parents…they would sponsor everything 100% if I allow them. Their only daughter…are you kidding me? My man has got a good thing in me and he knows it. If he is sincere, he knows that I am the best thing that happened to him. I just need him to sometimes show that I am worth something to him. Is that too much to ask?
Now, after you have heard from me, what do you think I did wrong? I am ready to receive any further objective advice but please let the advice be balanced. Also advise my fiancé and pray for us.
Thank you ma.
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