True Life Story: My Girlfriend Has Changed Since I Asked Her To Marry Me
Hello Lively Stones,
My girlfriend is a member of this platform so please hide my identity. I met her two years ago. I was having some challenges with my business and was not ready for a commitment but she seemed like someone who was not all about material things. She was the one who even showed me how you used to counsel couples and I felt she is someone very wise and reasonable.
We started dating and I always made her understand my situation and she gave me this impression that she will not put any pressure on me. I can even say, she spends more in this our relationship. She shops for me and initiates some romantic gestures. That is why I fell in love with her. I felt she is not like every other average girl looking for a man to spend on them.
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Towards end of last year, I knew it was time to make her know my intentions. Yes, things have improved in my business but I will also say that I have to be careful cos I took a huge loan to get my business back on track, so its not like I am now financially free. I have huge debts. But because I love my girl and I know being with a guy for like almost 2 years, I want her to know that I would like to marry her.
In December, I asked her to marry me. It was not like a big proposal. We were in my place, I woke her up in the middle of the night. I told her how much I loved her and how much she meant in my life. And that I wanted to spend my entire with her. It was an emotional moment, she said yes. And I was so happy. I felt she should now be very confident and relax knowing my intentions.
However, after a month or so…I started noticing some attitudes from my girl. One day, she asked me when am I going to propose to her officially? That I did not even give her an engagement ring. When am I coming to see her parents. I was like, saying….I have already proposed na….she said no o. That I have to do it properly. Like I should plan a surprise proposal with maybe her friends and family. That she accepted to marry me but I should not do it like she is some cheap girl.
To me, this girl knows me…she knows I am sincere. I really do not believe in spending so much in things like huge surprise proposal. I told her I would see her people when we are ready to marry…that she should give me some time but as for proposal, its not necessary cos I do not like showing off and spending money that I do not have.
All these did not go down well with her. I noticed she started being unnecessarily difficult and short fused. She would snap at me at any slightest provocation. I had to tell her that I do not like her new behavior ….because if she is going to behave like this, then maybe she is pretending and not really my type of woman, a prudent and understanding woman.
My girl said she has tried to ‘manage’ with me and she is feeling that I am taking advantage of her patience. She said that this may be a red flag in our relationship. That if I cannot treat her like a queen, that maybe when we marry and even get richer, I will not appreciate her. I told her that is not true and that she is being fussy for no reason. Since then, our relationship has been having problems.
I observed that if I don’t call her….she does not call me. I asked her why….she said she wants me to prove I really want this relationship. That she realized she gave herself too easily to me and that she wants me to work for her love, that I should prove that she is worth it….by making some serious commitments…that its the man that should always call and spend on the woman…so now, she will no longer give herself so easily to me.
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Ma, I am confused and scared. Scared because my girl is now exhibiting the very behavior I do not like. Confused because I am wondering if this is just about me refusing to do a proposal for her…all of a sudden, she has become a feminist and I fear this may be her true self. I love her and I cannot relate her new behavior to the same nice, polite and understanding girl I have been with for almost 2 years.
Yesterday, I asked her to come over this weekend so we can spend some time together. That I do not want to argue, I just want us to spend time alone….to my surprise…she said no …that she will no longer have S** with me until marriage. That she will no longer give herself so cheap until I prove that she is worth it.
What even pained me was that I actually wanted to give her a ring to wear on her finger, at least to show how serious I am. I showed her the ring and asked her to come over. She got upset with me after seeing the ring on WhatsApp. She said I am not romantic…that how can I show her a ring I want to give her … that I am trying to lure her to come to my house just to give her a cheap ring. That the ring is so cheap looking.
Now, where is all of these coming from? What am I missing? She knows I am not the romantic type…I only showed her the ring cos I was excited and I thought she would be excited too. I had to tell her lets take it to Lively Stones…cos its like her mind has been turned against this relationship. I want us to hear what others and Mama Jzhane will say.
As for me I don’t understand anymore. I love my girl to death but I cannot deal with this her attitude over her sudden expectations of me. My love for her and reassurance has never changed…why has she over night started making unnecessary demands?
Must I do proposal to spend money? Must I see her parents now…why cant it be when I am ready both financially and mentally? Is there something or someone else trying to distract her or poison her mind against me…is there another guy? Is this truly a red flag? Please advise us cos this whole situation, I do not understand it anymore….I still love my girl…what do I do? Please advise her as well….I am a good guy and I just want her to be the way she used to be before the time I asked her to marry me.
Please post immediately…I really need urgent advise…this matter is really disturbing me.
Anonymous
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We need to find out who your girl has been seeing lately,there is someone telling her bad things about you, believe me or not.
Your girl is easily manipulated,you didn’t tell us her age anyways. Two years ago,she was committed,she loved you,but now , somebody is poisoning her beautiful mind against you,it could be another man whom she is seeing lately or a woman that is doing this,you know women are the enemies of women especially when it comes to marriage or relationship matter.
You cannot pretend to be what you are not, I understand your type of man,yes,you are not stingy but you don’t just like paparazzi especially when it involves spending money on unnecessary things,even though the ring is cheap,must she say it like that,nawaoo.
You need to have a rethink on this relationship,you need to understand yourself first,you need to draft out what you really want from and in a woman,like I said,you didn’t say her age,don’t know why she is capitalising so much on marriage.
Please take a break,if really and truly you want to marry,my guy you need to go to God in prayers,don’t marry a snake as a wife,you know what that means. Some women can pretend to death,you better leave her and seek God’s face now,this is not the time to be confused,this is the time to be a man and stand up to your right,do not allow any woman toil with your emotions and get away with it.
Seek God’s face oooo my brother, marriage no be moi moi oooo,a broken relationship better pass divorce ooo and I know you wouldn’t want that in marriage abi,so relax and pray to your God,focus on your business biko. It is well with your soul
This your girl is very childish. Still living in social media fake life lol. Oga abeg, you don’t need the so called surprised engagement party(which is not even a surprise engagement party as it stands). Me sha would advise you to chill and let her be. Just ignore her. By the time she finds a fake proposal, she will realize marriage itself is not about engagement party and by then it would probably be too late. Not everyone is romantic, people have different love language. One can be romantic but very stingy or rude or violent. She never see life. Take your stand now cos tomorrow she might push you into doing what you don’t want to do just to please her social media friends or maybe live a life to please outsiders.
Also please put S.e.x aside and abide by her desires which is no S.e.x again till marriage. And if you can’t do this for her then you never truly loved her, twas just about the S.e.x mostly.
Till you are ready to meet her parents for the proper necessary rites, don’t ask her for S.e.x again. Try and see if you guys can love yourself without S.e.x involved and please, don’t keep her waiting.
I don’t see anything wrong in all that your girlfriend desires that you do for her. She has been understanding all this why and remained loyal…. understanding doesn’t mean she doesn’t have desires romantic dreams.
What is happening now is that she is telling you what she wants in a man, she wants a romantic man, who believes in showing love publicly. The question is, are you that person, can you fulfill her heart long desires? Can you pamper and lavishly show your love towards her?
If not tell her you are not the person she is looking for. That will definitely break her heart considering that she has stood by you all these why… But she will survive.
But my question is? Do you think she is asking for too much?
thank you for your statement
Dear poster, your gf is been influenced by social media, but I don’t really see anything wrong in what she’s asking for, the only issue I see is were she called the ring cheap, also you wouldn’t have sent the ring via WhatsApp,the ring should be a surprise man, if you can’t be romantic now and spice up your relationship it now in marriage you will, why don’t you learn it now….moreover a surprise engagement doesn’t need much money, you can decide to surprise her @ her place of work and propose or simply hangout. Your gf should also learn to calm down..peace and love to you both.
Hi,
My view may differ from others.
I understand you have some debt you want to clear off but your lady has made some good points ( aside calling the ring cheap though, if that’s all you can afford).
It seems you have become comfortable being more on the receiving end and you are looking for a lady who would be understanding, not expecting much from you financially, you are happy for her to be spending her money , you want S.e.x when you have not paid her bride price!!!
She wants to be treated as a queen, nothing wrong with that. You may not have to dramatise the proposal but you can make it low key and still special.
Really I don’t understand why you showed her the ring over WhatsApp instead of surprising her , better still why does she have to come to you to be proposed to , why didn’t you go and find her and propose to her.
I do not despise the days of little beginnings but some men get really comfortable with a women doing everything that even when their finance improves it is still difficult for them to take their place . Truth be told, most women want to be pampered.
If your lady has expressed these desires, know she has been patient with you but within she would want you to try the best at your level and when things are better do the needful, check if you can .
Lady – Please respect everyone BUT do not have s.x with anyone anymore until they honour you by marrying you properly (not referring to a flamboyant wedding ).
All the best both
Oga thank you , he has not paid but you are enjoying S.e.x , and enjoy her spending on you ,but u cannot spend . your brain is young
@ Lady, if your fiancé is kind at heart, God fearing and you believe He is the one for you, pray.
Since he wants to marry you, if you accept and he is genuine about his finances, let him know your expectations when he is in a better place respectfully but in the meantime you may need to keep supporting. He cannot spend what He does not have.
Marriage is honourable, you can put your heads together and plan, it doesn’t have to be the biggest wedding, even a simple traditional wedding, court wedding with limited guest ( 3,4) and walking down the aisle without refreshments is more honourable than having s.x behind closed doors and waiting for all the money in the world to plan a big wedding.
Let him know his place but work together and plan, if you belong to communities e.g. church groups, people will favour you and you can end up with the flamboyance as well.
Again, pls cut s.x out till after you are properly married.
All the best
[…] True Life Story: My Girlfriend Has Changed Since I Asked Her To Marry Me […]
My dear sister you must keep insisting because sometimes men take understanding ladies for granted. When he saw you, did he see suffering in you? So if he wants to marry you he must ensure that you don’t lack anything. Brother, go and work hard and spend on your woman. She is your pride, so treat her like a queen and stop all these stories.
Do the needful but if your are not ready then let her go. You can’t propose and draw back.
Nobody turned her mind against you. You’re just a man that lacks emotional maturity in handling a woman. She’s given you S.e.x, she doesn’t demand much from you especially cash so she has to ‘understand’. Yeah I’ve met your type in my husband…
Guy, know your girl’s love language and work on yourself to be more emotionally available to her. She has been complaining to you on what she needs changed in the relationship but you seem not to listen, you heard her but didn’t listen.
Have some emotional maturity and intelligence. Learn it and you will score 100% on her score chat.
Take care.
Bro, if you knew that nature of women, you don’t be bothered at all, you won’t even give a care about it. Why is she acting up, why is she staying with you, is it until she lies in future that you raped her or beat her.
Stop fornicating, S.e.x is only for marriage. Don’t fall for her manipulations, propose to her normally, why will she tell you she wants you to propose in the presence of her family, and please DO NOT EVER KNEEL TO PROPOSE TO A LADY, it is foolishness to do such, dont let any lady tell you its romantic, no bro it is not.
Tell her your stance on these things, if she says otherwise, please bro, let it end and don’t call her, don’t chat, just let it go, but i doubt you can do it cos you said you love her to death…I think from your post, i can say you are a simp and a man that puts women on a pedestal.
I urge you to read these books, the manipulated man by Esther Vilar, and the rational male by Rollo Tomassi, get them from pdfdrive.com.
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