True Life Story: My Husband And Brother In-law Are Being Unreasonable
Hello Ma’am Jzhane,
Please I like to remain anonymous. I need your advice cos I feel sometimes my husband is just being unreasonable. So we have been married for two years now. I have a seven months old baby, I work in Lekki and my husband who used to help me recently got deployed to Ibadan. My husband is a military man. His younger brother is in navy school here in Lagos and he is staying with us. These are my issues with my husband and his brother.
There is a lot of pressure on me with the baby and house work and office work. I am the head of Customer service unit in a telecoms company, a lot is expected of me in my team, the pressure is much and we run shifts, sometimes, night shift. So I told my husband that I need a house help since he is not around to help and his brother that is in school does not help cos he is in school most times and even if he is around, the boy is not domesticated, he can help with any manual work but not things like cooking or going to market or even looking after the baby.
My husband has refused to allow me bring a house help into the house. He said that he does not want a stranger in our home. I kept begging him but he wont listen. I am an orphan, my elder siblings are all married or in far away cities so I have no family member to help. Same with my husband’s family. I had to talk to his elder sister who said I should go ahead and get a house help since I am the one that knows where the shoe pinches me.
So, I got a house maid and sent my husband a text that I have gotten a house maid. That has been so much relief for me, now I can focus on work knowing someone is taking care of the home front. But guess what is now happening? I have been noticing when I come back from work, my husband’s brother is always hanging around the house girl. The girl is 23 years old. I had to ask him why he is always around the girl, he said nothing, that there is no one around to gist with if am not around.
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Then when my husband came last weekend, my husband likes going around the house naked cos its just me and his brother….but now we have a maid, I was surprised when he came out of the bathroom but naked…I screamed that there is someone in the house, he said that is my business ….that he did not approve of the house girl so he cannot be caged in his own house…we had a big quarrel about this and he left on Monday without making love to me like he would do and I feel so sad.
Two days ago, I got back home very early cos of the fuel situation, I left office around 3pm and got home before 4pm….only to get home and catch my husband’s brother trying to force my maid to kiss him…he kept begging her…the girl kept saying no …that she cant cos she is engaged and she does not want to disappoint me cos if I find out, I will send her away. I stood there for like 1 minute before I shouted my brother in-law’s name.
The yeye boy just got up and went to his room. The girl started begging…that she didn’t do anything…that its my brother in-law that has been pressuring her since she got to my house. I told her to relax that I saw everything….she begged me not to fire her cos she has a family depending on her back in the village. You see, this maid is very nice and I believe she is decent. But the issue is, I don’t know if my brother in-law will let her be…he wants to f*ck her am sure….and when next my husband comes….he will be displaying his gbola around…which kind of wahala is this?
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I have spoken to my brother in-law, he said he’s sorry….that it wont happen again but can I believe him? I reported him to my husband and he ignored me, later he said, its my fault for bringing the girl. That the trouble I am looking for, that I will find it. You see how my husband is reasoning? This house girl matter is becoming a burden…but I need help…cos I cant do it alone…before this girl came, I was loosing so much weight…cos the work was too much on me…
These men don’t know the kind of pressure they are putting on me….is it that they want me to chase the girl away…so I will continue to suffer in this house till I drop dead? why are men like this…no pity for me? So if I send this girl away, how do I cope? And I am thinking of the girl who’s crying cos she needs the job to feed her family. I am confused, please advice me…what do I do?
Anonymous
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You need help,you need a house assistant to help you with the chores.
You need to be firm with your brother in-law,he needs to know that the girl has come to work and not to ………
Warn him seriously and if he tries to repeat it,send him away.
Whenever your husband is around,you would need to watch the girl’s movement in the house,she can always stay in her room whenever he is around,she doesn’t need to start walking up and down if she is not doing anything since your husband likes walking around with his gbola/John Thomas.
It is well oooo,wetin women dey see for marriage no be here. The Lord is your strength dear poster,don’t leave your job oooo,don’t even try it. You can manage through,you can do it.
Dear poster, kindly send her away to prevent any future emotional trauma. Your husband and his brother aren’t acting reasonably and people will blame you if anything happens to this girl.
Your husband will do nothing rather he will blame you if his brother rapes her.
The good part is that the girl is decent and being that she really needs the job, she wouldn’t want to be fired.
Warn the maid to make sure she doesn’t have anything to do with your brother-in-law, that if she does, it will cost her the job. At her age, she’s not a kid. With your support, she should know how to shun your brother-in-law.
As for your husband, before he comes home for the weekend, make sure your maid does house chores that will entail her walking around the house and let her restrict her movements to her round when your husband is around.
As you said, you are the one that knows where the shoe is pinching you.
Just do a bit of reorganization in your home, both mental and physical.
Don’t forget the place of prayers in running a home. Commit both men to God in prayers, asking Him to intervene and settle the matter for you. He will do it.
The maid is not safe with all these nonsense. You have to find another substitute:
1)Put the child in a day care that allows longer hours.
2)Get someone to do the cooking/cleaning. Maybe a male chef. Someone else can do the laundry over the weekend.
But all of these your husband should pay for.
You can’t be an adamant husband and not provide for alternative.