True Life Story: My Husband Insults Me At The Slightest Provocation
Hi Lively Stones,
I am 24 years old, married with a kid. I got married three years ago, I was 22 and in school though it was part time then. When I got married, my husband and I were always having issues because he is older than me by 15 years. He tried to be very controlling and wanting to know what I was doing, in school, at home, anywhere. In fact, the marriage almost broke up then because it was fight fight all the time.
And when I say fight, I mean real physical fight. He will beat me and me too, I will fight him back, I will bite him and so on. He always say I do not respect him, that he is older than me, he complains about my dressing. I tell him I am a student, does he expect me to dress to school in ankara skirt and blouse. He stopped me from staying in the hostel so he can monitor me.
My husband started calculating my ovulation with an app…Every month, he would rape me during my ovulation so I can get pregnant. It was like, I was living in bondage. He beat me one time simply because I posted a picture on Facebook. He said I was showing off my nakedness. He seized my phone and asked me to leave social media. I was so angry, I packed my things to my parents house.
You may be wondering how I ended up with such a man right? He is the eldest brother of my best friend in school. I used to go visit them and during one holiday, he started toasting me. My friend and everyone was begging me to marry her brother because the guy was 37 years old, very comfortable financially but no girlfriend or he is not thinking of settling down. I must say I was pressured into the marriage.
Of course when I went to my parents house, him and his family all came begging. But something had happened before they came begging. Initially, he was telling everyone that he was done with me, that he was not marrying me again. I was in a dark place. My parents were on my neck. No one seemed to be understanding that it was an abusive marriage and I was dying.
I met someone during this dark time. Someone from Instagram. We chatted for days and he became my confidant. He seemed to be very understanding of my situation. he even convinced me that I can never marry someone so much older than me, that we could never understand each other. We then hooked up a couple of times. Not my finest moments but I was down and depressed.
Another abuse I suffered in my husband’s hand that time was that he never gave me money. Anything I wanted to buy, he would follow me to pay or ask for the account no to pay directly. So, I was penniless. Meeting this guy from IG, he was spending money on me like crazy. We secretly hung out for only 3 weeks I swear, it was just an excuse to forget about what I was going through.
Later, about a month later, my husband and his family reached a settlement with me and my family. He promised not to beat me again. He agreed to give me monthly allowance until I get a job after I graduate from school and after having our kids. We went back to our normal lives and my husband really tried to change even though he still acts crazy sometimes. He is still jealous and all what not at every slightest opportunity.
As God would have it, I got pregnant during the pandemic and had our first child last year. I never told anyone I had an affair during the break with my husband because I too was hearing that he was carrying different women at the time. The Guy I was hooking up with sha never liked that I broke up with him and went back to my husband. He was like, I am making a mistake. I blocked him so I can cut off all communication with him.
Unfortunately, I find myself chatting with him sometimes, especially when my husband starts to misbehave. This time, its just chat, I have never met him again physically. What I did not know is that my husband’s paranoia has gone so far that he cloned my phone. That is how he saw my recent chats with this guy. My husband read our chats and he saw how I was opening up to this guy anytime I had issues with him and how this guy would be encouraging me that I deserve better.
What my husband did shocked me. He did not even confront me. Instead, he called the guy up and threatened to send assassins to him if he does not leave me alone. It was the guy who told me what my husband did. However, this guy is decided to report my husband to DSS. He said he has all our chats where I told him how my husband used to beat me and rape me and that threat of assassination from my husband, he will make sure my husband is picked up.
This escalated so fast. I became afraid and I had to open up to my husband. My husband did not even listen to me. I told him that it was when we separated I met this guy and all my husband dis was call me a slut and said he has proved it that now, I am a slut and that I have connived with my lover to kill him. I reminded him that he too was sleeping around when we separated and he said, he is a man and he can do whatever he likes if his wife is not being submissive and I used my legs to leave his house…that he did not send me away, so him cheating is justified.
God knows, I begged and begged this guy to withdraw his plan to go to DSS until he finally agreed. I then told my husband that the guy has withdrawn his plan to report him and my husband sparked…..that I am still communicating with my lover. That its only me that my lover listens to. Since this matter happened, I have not known peace in this house. Everyone has tried to resolve this matter with us, clearly, they are blaming both of us but my husband is blaming only me cos I am a woman.
Well, I am not saying I am right to have cheated but both of us are to blame. We were both in the abusive marriage together. But he was more abusive….beating and raping me…denying me to work and not giving me money. Seizing my phone and dictating how to dress. Now, even after everything, my husband still keeps insulting me, every minute calling me a slut.
Right now, I am tired. Yes, he is not beating me but the insults are too much to bear. I try not to answer him when he calls me ashawo because if I do, it might escalate to fight again. But I am asking myself, for how long will I bear this abuse? Clearly, me and this husband are never going to see eye to eye on anything. Anything that happens, its my fault…anything that happens is because I am a slut that he married.
The kind of insults I hear eh…that he does not know why he married a slut like me…that maybe I will kill him one day and take his money and run away with my lover. Egbami o. I don suffer…at age 24…now I look like 44. I need advice…how long should I continue like this….we clearly hate each other more than we love each other.
There is no time he does not abuse me, even in front of his friends…he will be telling them, if he dies, that they should hold me responsible because my lover is a DSS man. I feel people are pitying me cos they know the abuse is too much. I think my best option is to leave for everyone’s peace of mind. I do not see any other way.
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