True Life Story: My Husband Is Lazy & Likes Keeping Malice-Pls Advice-Pt 2
Dear Lively Stones
Continuation, please be kind in your words and advice:
I want to report him to a well respected member of his family because this evening he’s saying he wants to go to PH to follow friends to do some business so that he can have money to meet up. Our Landlady is on his neck and has threatened to report him to the Police tomorrow, bills are piling up and I’ve refused to send money, unlike me that will want everything to always move smoothly so I keep on covering for his inadequacies.
The most painful part is that when I cover up at my own expense he doesn’t value or appreciate it because when they are minors conflicts or disagreements malice has started, that as far as I’m concerned is emotional torture then secondly I’m losing myself in trying to help.
Can you imagine that I ignored some financial needs for my postgraduate program just to assist as usual and I explained my plight to him telling him to cover later for me, this guy didn’t even bother till date. Sometime last year also he was complaining that I don’t have time for him and I told him he should bear with me because I just started my postgraduate program and with the change in schedule I’m overwhelmed.
Instead of assisting and trying to see how to help me he only replied that am I the only woman doing PG program, I should ask my fellow women how they cope. My reply to him was that the fellow women I know here have house-helps employed my their husbands who assist so that work doesn’t kill their wives, he’s here talking instead of assisting as he doesn’t even have money to put food on the table.
I’m just totally tired. I’m really losing myself. I cannot shop for myself because I always put the needs of the house first. Imagine I’m going to be back from maternity leave soon and I need new clothes. If I don’t learn to put myself first I’m on my own that’s what I’ve learned from his behaviour, his actions and inactions. He may argue otherwise because I’ve tried putting it to him so that he sees from my point of view. He’ll only deny it or toss it aside as if it’s not important.
Ma, sorry to complain again but can you imagine that this morning the Landlady has called him to tell him that his deadline to pay the rent has passed and he doesn’t even have any remorse that the rent isn’t available instead he’s saying that the woman can do her worst? This is a house that we stayed for about six years before we are moving out now and except for the first time we joined funds together to get the house he hasn’t paid one done for the house rent.
This is how he keeps on keeping debts all over the place. At first I helped him to open a tyre store for him to manage so that he can contribute financially to the home but for the four years that store was open I was the one still funding the business till I felt drained and I stopped that’s how the business died.
During Covid era he said poultry and fishery business will do well and I took I loan which I’m currently servicing now to open the business but I noticed that he has no skills or experience in the business, I kept on suggesting to him even to have a business plan and follow up with it but all to no avail the business has crumbled as I’m talking to you.
Up till last month I kept on funding the business or is it the barbeque business I helped out with in December when I noticed he wanted to open but had no funds? It has crumbled too. So now we have a child, with the way the cost of living is up in Nigeria I’m living with an adult who calls himself a husband who is not willing to contribute ANYTHING instead keeps on destroying everything be sets his hands on? Is this the kind of life I want to live?
I keep on encouraging him, supporting him, helping out but it seems I’m just fooling myself. Oya go and get a job since business isn’t turning out well and the bills and debts on ground won’t pay themselves I don’t know what his plans are.
We are currently moving to a new apartment when I get back home and have so many things to put in place, he has been calling me to send money I told him I don’t have so that I will see how serious he is. I’m exhausted! Even with all I do at least I expect some peace even if we have conflicts but that’s when he starts manifesting his true character being so quarrelsome, keeping malice.
I’ve tried my best to talk over and over about this but yet there’s no change. I don’t know again. I prayed before I started this marriage but I don’t think I made the right choice. I really don’t know.
To be continued…
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