True Life Story: My Husband Is Lazy & Likes Keeping Malice-Pls Advice-Pt 2
Dear Lively Stones
Click here to read Part 1 of this story
Continuation, please be kind in your words and advice:
I want to report him to a well respected member of his family because this evening he’s saying he wants to go to PH to follow friends to do some business so that he can have money to meet up. Our Landlady is on his neck and has threatened to report him to the Police tomorrow, bills are piling up and I’ve refused to send money, unlike me that will want everything to always move smoothly so I keep on covering for his inadequacies.
The most painful part is that when I cover up at my own expense he doesn’t value or appreciate it because when they are minors conflicts or disagreements malice has started, that as far as I’m concerned is emotional torture then secondly I’m losing myself in trying to help.
Can you imagine that I ignored some financial needs for my postgraduate program just to assist as usual and I explained my plight to him telling him to cover later for me, this guy didn’t even bother till date. Sometime last year also he was complaining that I don’t have time for him and I told him he should bear with me because I just started my postgraduate program and with the change in schedule I’m overwhelmed.
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Instead of assisting and trying to see how to help me he only replied that am I the only woman doing PG program, I should ask my fellow women how they cope. My reply to him was that the fellow women I know here have house-helps employed my their husbands who assist so that work doesn’t kill their wives, he’s here talking instead of assisting as he doesn’t even have money to put food on the table.
I’m just totally tired. I’m really losing myself. I cannot shop for myself because I always put the needs of the house first. Imagine I’m going to be back from maternity leave soon and I need new clothes. If I don’t learn to put myself first I’m on my own that’s what I’ve learned from his behaviour, his actions and inactions. He may argue otherwise because I’ve tried putting it to him so that he sees from my point of view. He’ll only deny it or toss it aside as if it’s not important.
Ma, sorry to complain again but can you imagine that this morning the Landlady has called him to tell him that his deadline to pay the rent has passed and he doesn’t even have any remorse that the rent isn’t available instead he’s saying that the woman can do her worst? This is a house that we stayed for about six years before we are moving out now and except for the first time we joined funds together to get the house he hasn’t paid one done for the house rent.
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This is how he keeps on keeping debts all over the place. At first I helped him to open a tyre store for him to manage so that he can contribute financially to the home but for the four years that store was open I was the one still funding the business till I felt drained and I stopped that’s how the business died.
During Covid era he said poultry and fishery business will do well and I took I loan which I’m currently servicing now to open the business but I noticed that he has no skills or experience in the business, I kept on suggesting to him even to have a business plan and follow up with it but all to no avail the business has crumbled as I’m talking to you.
Up till last month I kept on funding the business or is it the barbeque business I helped out with in December when I noticed he wanted to open but had no funds? It has crumbled too. So now we have a child, with the way the cost of living is up in Nigeria I’m living with an adult who calls himself a husband who is not willing to contribute ANYTHING instead keeps on destroying everything be sets his hands on? Is this the kind of life I want to live?
I keep on encouraging him, supporting him, helping out but it seems I’m just fooling myself. Oya go and get a job since business isn’t turning out well and the bills and debts on ground won’t pay themselves I don’t know what his plans are.
We are currently moving to a new apartment when I get back home and have so many things to put in place, he has been calling me to send money I told him I don’t have so that I will see how serious he is. I’m exhausted! Even with all I do at least I expect some peace even if we have conflicts but that’s when he starts manifesting his true character being so quarrelsome, keeping malice.
I’ve tried my best to talk over and over about this but yet there’s no change. I don’t know again. I prayed before I started this marriage but I don’t think I made the right choice. I really don’t know.
To be continued…
Anonymous
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I think you should limit the way you help, he had gotten so comfortable receiving money from you, that even when he has, he may not likely give you cos he assumes you have enough. Please learn to take care of yourself, take yourself out n spoil yourself from time to time. Stop giving him money or servicing any business of his. He should wake up to his responsibility by force. Just give him the impression that you are really low on cash anytime he asks, with time he would get used to the fact that you don’t have money to throw around anymore and wake up to his responsibility. I repeat again stop giving him money
He’s so used to you taking care of the bills that he won’t budge even if you complain till next year. I think you should be separated for awhile, cut off all communication with him and just focus on yourself. If anything happens believe me your husband won’t lose anything but move on with the next available woman. Get your family involve in your pains and let them help in their own little way. But separation is needed in order for him to get your message
Move out but don’t disclose where you move to. He needs a wake up call and untill you do something drastic, that change isn’t happening anytime soon. There’s a lady who went as far as resigning just so as to teach her husband a lesson. The man started putting effort in getting a job and eventually taking care of his family. So it’s same for you too. Just get a place,pay for it, get a house help to assist you. Take better care of yourself and your baby and block him everywhere on your phone. Trick him so he can leave the house so that you can go and pack your belongings. Don’t leave anything behind ooh. Let him start from scratch so he knows how it feels struggling to make ends meet. If there should be an opportunity to meet and discuss way forward, make sure it takes place at your friends place,or your sister. If it public place he can follow you and track you down to your new place. Let him learn the hard way. You’ve been dishing him free things. Imagine to an extent of stealing, please biko, he’s not worth all the headache he’s causing you
Abeg leave that man o
My dear sister, you want the truth, your husband is under a spiritual attack, I AM 100% SURE of this, I have seen multiple cases of issues like this even unmarried people.
PLEASE PRAY TIRELESSLY FOR HIM, i can bet you, if you take his issue to a GENUINE man of GOD that sees into the spiritual realm, he will tell you your husband is under serious spiritual attack. He is being manipulated by a spirit.
I wish you will do like i said.
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