True Life Story: My Husband Took Advantage Of My Loyalty & Trust
Hi Lively Stones,
I just want to say something that maybe no one likes to talk about. I think some men feel like when a woman is with them, they are doing the woman a favor. Like, yes, I know there are plenty girls out there and so many girls are looking for a man to call their own. But that does not mean girls are just nothing. Now, that same attitude, they carry into marriage…like once you marry a woman, especially a faithful woman, then you can do anyhow you like cos you are a man.
My husband cheats on me. I have suspected it for a long time. That I have tried to address it with him for several years but he says I am imagining things cos I really have not caught him with any woman but I have seen texts and nu-d-es. He says there are just for fun, that nothing serious…well, I was not born yesterday. I even caught an STD which I believe was from him one time. After a while, I got tired of complaining and left him to behave the way he likes.
Then, his best friend that stays abroad was around for a couple of months. When this man saw how my husband was cheating on me despite the fact that he has a fine wife like me…the guy started to talk to my husband to do better so he will not loose someone as good as me. My husband boasted to his friend that he cannot loose me cos we are married, and I cannot go anywhere. The one that pained me was that, my husband said no man will want to sleep with me cos I am now shapeless from child bearing weight.
All these things my husband said annoyed his friend more…so the guy told my husband to bet that if any man shows interest in me, that he cannot loose me….my husband agreed….they made a bet that his friend should try and seduce me …to test if I would cheat on my husband. So, this guy tried everything, got me gifts, sent me nice messages, trying to make me fall for him.
I must admit, it was hard when my husband’s friend tried to do all of these to me. I was really tempted. This happened years ago. But I refused to sleep with the man. It was later the guy told me everything he and my husband planned. I later confirmed from my husband that they had a bet of N1M….to try and seduce me. This made me very mad ….very very upset but my husband laughed it away and said he was joking.
Somehow, this thought of my husband thinking he has caged me, inside the marriage, so no man can make me leave him…started haunting me…the urge to now prove him wrong now started. I told myself I would sleep with the first man who tried wink at me. Since then, I have been planning and plotting it. One day, I took my car to the car wash for deep cleaning…The place had a car wash, a viewing centre…a bar…just where people can go and hangout. I suspect my husband meets girls here too.
So, as they were cleaning the car, they brought out two used condoms from my car. It was clear who used them… I flipped….I walked up to a guy I knew looked single and asked him if he wanted to have fun with me…right there in the car wash…behind this guy’s driver’s seat….I and a total stranger had S**. Without condom too. All I was doing was: getting my revenge for the first time in a marriage of cheating for almost eight years. It felt so wrong but I felt peace for the first time in a long time.
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The next time, I took my husband’s car…drove to meet this guy in a spot…had S** with him and made sure there was evidence in my husband’s car….I even paid the guy for his services. I pretended not to know anything when my husband was asking how come his car is messed with with white stuff….I told him I dont know…I had taken my revenge and I felt peace and freedom.
Then one day, my husband went to the car wash to wash his car and also watch a football match….while watching the match….the men there were talking and he overheard some guy talking about women who come to the car wash to look for men to sleep with them. One of the men boasted that he f*cked a woman who came with a white benz . That even well to do looking women are looking for f*cks around here. The men were just talking dirty . Someone then said to my husband….shey you say your wife has benz…which color is it….all the men laughed ..but it got my husband thinking
The way the men described the woman in a white benz fit my description so my husband figured it out….he came back home and told me what he heard….he asked me if I ever cheated on him….I said no…he said if I ever slept with a man in a car wash viewing centre ….I said no…he asked me why are the guys describing a woman like me….that almost all the men have slept with…that was when I told him….not all the men…only one man.
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My husband could not believe his ears…he sat down in denial and disbelief….he asked me why….I told him I just wanted to revenge for telling his friend last year that no one would be attracted to me cos I am shapeless….and that I wanted to pay him back for always cheating on me. The next thing that happened was the most shocking thing….My husband knelt down and apologized to me for being an irresponsible husband and promised to change his ways.
I was not expecting that response from him….I also apologized to him…we made up but since that time….things have not been the same…we don’t talk much to each other…I think he is hurting at the fact that after boasting that no man will ever like me enough to want me….to the fact that I was hurt enough betray him to prove him wrong. He said he cannot face those men again cos what they are talking about is how his wife f*cked another man at the back of the car….
Me, on my path, I am feeling bad at what I did…I realize I went too far but my husband pushed me…made me feel unwanted and he kept laughing at me with all those young girls he was sharing nu-d-es with…all those girls with perfect bodies….I felt so bad about my looks…I wanted to feel good again…but now…I feel we have both hurt each other so deeply just because we took each other for granted.
I fear our marriage will not make it if we keep feeling this betrayal….I want my marriage to work. I know my husband is not the kind of faithful man…I just don’t want him to look down on me. We have both decided to talk to a marriage therapist to help us. That is how I came across Lively Stones online. Please advice us. what do we do….to repair our marriage….it seems we have both broken down every trust this marriage ever had…is there a part to ever healing again?
Anonymous
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You should have thought of how to repair your marriage rather then sleeping with a random guy. Two wrongs don’t and can’t make a right madam.
Your husband boasted with his friend,he is cheating on you and bla bla bla,is that why you went there to sleep with the guy? So you are not ashamed that they maybe talking about you each time you pass by,huh! Some women sef,all in the name of revenge, odikwa egwu.
Now,you want advice,you don’t want your marriage to crash. You have to apologize to your husband, whether you like it or not,he is still the man of the house,so you people are now competing with who cheats in marriage,it is now a competition abi,he cheats then you will also cheat okwaya.
Apologize and don’t cheat again,change your ways and start looking attractive,stop tying wrapper up and down,make your hair,make sure the hair is not smelling oooo,use good perfume and wear clean clothes,shave where needs to be shaved biko and enjoy your marriage.
God bless you
You acted even more foolishly than your husband’s acts combined! Your marriage can never be the same. You should have divorced him if you weren’t happy. You either live with it if you cannot get past the issues or file for a divorce. You both may also see a counselor if that helps.
You don’t need to have S.e.x with someone else to prove your point or revenge. There are better ways to make him know he’s wrong.our conscience is our greatest shadow. Talk things over and see a therapist both of you. It won’t be easy for the trust to come back because your husband trusted you so much. You both should see a therapist, and also engage in the word of God. You really need God this period. It’s one thing to forgive another to forget. You both need to truly forgive each other and try to forget what had happened. If you don’t forget, the picture will keep hunting the both of you. It’s important to forget for peace to reign. My thoughts.
You both can work things out. I don’t agree with the other comments here of people putting all the blame on you. It takes two to make a marriage work. If both of you are willing to work the work, you will survive.
As per, what people are saying, they will keep quite after a while, but you both must rise above your guilt and start working together as a couple. Support and defend each other, also be open to express your feelings to each other. Don’t ignore this issue, and think things will fizzle out, no, talk about your pains and faults. Let each one amend and start respecting each other more.
Wooo…..the blame on the woman alone is not right. Both are wrong….Both should be advised equally …both acted foolishly…both should apologise….both should work on marriage. Both should take accountability and work hard to build trust again.
There is no way this is a one-person problem. It’s both of them.
Cheers
I don’t think the woman alone should be blamed. Moreover both of them according to her story have regretted their actions. Blame is not what they need now but counseling.
My dear sister, you both go to God in penitence and sobriety asking for forgiveness, you are still carrying the guilt because you only both confessed and forgave each other. But you left out God the most hurt by your actions. Remember he is the author and finisher of your marriage.
Secondly work on your relationship. You in particular reshape your self, be ready to go all the way to give your husband what he is looking for outside. Share romantic messages within the hour every day. Try out other ways to rekindle your love together. Ask your husband sincerely what he desires and give it to him. You can go through therapy if you want but I think the best therapy is from God who instituted marriage and gave the handbook for it’s success. Every thing you need is succinctly spelt out therein. Shalom