True Life Story: My Husband Wants Me To Be Like His Ex- Pls Advise
Hi Lively Stones,
I am a bit livid right now. I do not know if I am over reacting but please hear me out. So, my husband works in an Advertising company. Most of his coworkers are young creatives like him. I actually met him through one of their campaign functions that they did for the company where I work. I am into HR.
Truth is, my husband is quite handsome and ladies always flock around him. When we even started talking, I told him I cannot date a fine boy like him. His cool and s3xy. I really felt a bit threatened when I got to know him a bit more. There always girls around him. But he kind made feel like he was more for me than any others. He also said he did not want to marry any lady from his field, he needed someone more stable.
As our relationship got more serious, I realized one of his colleagues, a very pretty girl was like the closest to him. I was suspicious but he kept telling me there was nothing. She is this Gen Z girl that did not really understand boundaries. She would call at anytime of the day…then hubby would not take her call if I am around but she would not stop calling either.
Then when things got to engagement level, this girl seemed more and more persistent. I had to ask my hubby then, why is it this girl always. I told him to tell me the truth or I will not go ahead with the marriage. It took some arguing back and forth before hubby opened up that they had a fling but it was nothing. Just s3x. And it was three years ago. That she is now engaged to a celebrity whom I don’t want to mention his name here.
To me, I told him she needs to learn her boundaries cos it was clear, she was being too nosey. Hubby told me that he already told her. So, I kept my mind at rest cos hubby made me believe I had nothing to worry about. So now, it was my birthday and our first year anniversary. We got married a day after my birthday last year. So, hubby told me that he planned a surprise for me.
The surprise was for us to go for a weekend away. I got ready and very excited last week Thursday. We left together to the hotel that hubby had booked. I had the time of my life with the love of my life. Hubby can be such a romantic I must say. Everything was going well until: On Saturday night, when hubby asked me to open my presents. And I did to find that hubby bought me some s3x toys.
I was a bit surprised and shy. I never knew hubby was the kinky type. I also saw he got me some really s3xy lingerie . In my head, this guy was planning some serious s3xy time. The lingerie was customized with a word T baby. I was like, babe, what is the meaning of T Baby? He face changed immediately changed when I said T Baby….he quickly grabbed the box from me and said…its a mix up.
That he paid for the lingerie to be monogrammed with my name but they must have made a mistake. Mistake? How…so who was the vendor that did that? He said not to worry …that he will call them. I did not think anything but when he went out to call the vendor, I overheard him calling that colleague of his and shouting at him, that is that supposed to be a joke?
Well, from what I gathered….hubby ordered the lingerie through the nosey colleague of his. Told her what he wanted and the silly girl played a prank on him by imprinting her name on the lingerie. Hubby only found out when I opened the box. I asked him if she was the one who also ordered the s3x toys and he said yes. That she has the contact of the people who do these designs.
I put two and two together and realized hubby used that nosey girl to plan this surprise. I was unhappy. Very unhappy and angry. That girl not only has slept with hubby before…she is thinking of him and is planning to ruin my happiness by playing this wicked prank of imprinting her name on the lingerie. She kept saying it was a mistake but I do not believe her for one bit.
I also believe that the s3x toys was something she used to do with hubby and hubby now wants me to be doing the same thing he used to do with her. When I asked him…he said shes not the only girl he has experimented toys with and I cannot say its because of her he got me the toys. So, I asked him why does he want to have s3x with me like he did with other girls, he then made a silly joke like: relax jhor, you are too serious…. I just want to teach you a few tricks so no girl can snatch him from me.
Can you imagine that statement? To him , it was a joke but to me, it was an insult. My husband prides himself in his performance when it comes to s3x. Yes, he tells me all the girls, even celebrities that he had slept with and he boasts no girl can resist him, now I know why. He feels I am inexperienced but we do not need the toys, our s3x life is great but hubby wants to add some fun and excitement into our s3x life.
For me, I rejected the toys and every thing else he bought for me from that girl. My whole birthday and anniversary was ruined. He tried to apologize but I am still very angry. How can he do such a thing to me? Granted he did not know that jezebel planned it but why would you use your ex to plan a romantic get away for your current wife?
I am livid with jealousy …I feel this girl has not really let go of my husband and she will use any opportunity to get him back and maybe my husband still thinks of her….yes…for him to want to have s3x with me, the same way he had s3x with her. The argument has moved from how that I am too rigid, that I am unwilling to learn new ideas to spice up our s3x life. I feel angry that he is comparing me to any of his exs especially this girl.
Please tell me I am just being worried for nothing? Is this not a serious matter? I am so angry and I have not spoken to hubby since yesterday. We left the hotel last night and we have not spoken. Hubby thinks I am taking things too far and I do not trust him but how is it my fault?
What are we going to do about this? Is this man truly over this girl? Am I being deceived? Please advise me.
Anonymous
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Your husband is deceiving you and he is not honest with his dealings with that lady, mind you,she is not your husband’s EX oooo, they are still seeing,they are still chopping things.
Call your husband to order,he needs to be disciplined enough to see that single life is different from married life,he needs to be honest and mindful of himself,what kind of joke and prank is he playing on you.
Like I don’t get it,who does that? He doesn’t even regard you,he is behaving as though you forced him into the marriage,he is just behaving anyhow, no regard,no respect,no honesty,no sincerity. Haba!
Please you have to call him to order before it gets out of hand ooo, whoever he listens to should know about this, that is,if he is not willing to amend his ways.
Your marriage is blessed,be happy okay,it is well with you. I won’t blame the girl, your husband has not just taken his stand to shun nonsense,that’s why.
You married an indiscplined ,self entitled man. Too bad becos, you have just started . And you may have to start your journey with fire prayers and ability to stand your ground to stop some of his nonsense.
truth is , you must have seen these signs unfortunately.
sTART now o. fire ,fire, fire prayers to end his lusts and odd passions.
Theres a place of talking too. Keep letting him know youre not cool with his stlyes. But do nag, dont be moody about it.
Work on your self confidence and be able to say no with all due respect. you may want to invite a counsellor later if he persists.
But honestly, this is not a good start.
May the Lord rebuke every strange woman in your home in Jesus name.
Wait till you start having kids. That man has just started. He’s not been honest on so many things. If it were me,i would divorce him when it’s still early. I believe all these are happening this soon for you to know what to expect going forward. Good luck.