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True Life Story: My Husband Wants To Sell All We Have To Japa- Pls Advise

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True Life Story: My Husband Wants To Sell All We Have To Japa- Pls Advise

Hello Lively Stones,

Please I need urgent advice. So, my husband of about three years has always wanted to travel abroad, for studies and eventually settle down. He has never really liked the idea of staying in Nigeria. He is an Accountant. Since before we were dating to even when we got married, all his mind is to japa. His plan is to go through study way and later, I can come and join him. So, he has been doing applications ever since.

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Now, this January, he finally got admission to Canada to study. This made him so happy and since then, he has been sourcing for funds to travel. And then, I found out that I am pregnant in December. There are two issues: one is: he does not have the money to travel and me, I feel this is not the right time to travel cos this is my first pregnancy. I need him here by myside to help me.

My husband does not see from my point of view. He is doing everything he can to travel. He wants me to sell the land my father gave to me and we should also sell our car. So my question is: when he leaves….how will I go about my movements with no car? A pregnant woman without a car in this Lagos? All my life, I have never entered public transport…why will I start now…and even so….as a pregnant woman?

Secondly…asking me to sell the land my father gifted me when I graduated five years ago is not right. Its mine…not ours. I told him that and he got very upset. That I do not want to support his dreams and his long term plans for us. My husband has till middle of February to resume school in Canada or he will loose the admission. My husband says if he looses the admission because I refuse for him to sell the car I paid almost 70% for and sell my land….that I should start considering divorce.

This his comment made me so angry…he apologized but says….I have always known his dream is to japa….and that if I love him …I should support his dream….hes making it look like I am being wicked or not supportive and its not fair….yes…I want to support him but is now the right time? I am pregnant for God’s sake and if he does not have the money…why put me under pressure? How do I tell my family I sold the land daddy bought for me?

I am confused…my husband has been giving me attitude everyday since…hes saying time is counting and if I do not make up my mind….then I should accept whatever decision he takes…meaning…separation or what? He says most women will do anything even sleep with other men to give their husbands money to travel abroad…well…am not that type of woman.

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ALSO READ: True Life Story: Is My Cheating Husband Worth Losing My Job For?

I cant even discuss this with my family…they will be so upset. So, I discussed with his brother hoping that one will understand. The elder brother. That one said: what does small discomfort compare to a life abroad? That I should consider the selling of the land and car an investment for our future. That many families are even selling their houses….but that is when all of them are travelling…not when its only the husband travelling na….abi What do you think about this? Is this a wise investment?

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What if my husband travels and forgets about us …with the way he has been vexing and threatening separation. I am very disappointed in my husband…yes…hes dream is valid but its like that is more important to him than me and his unborn child. Please I need advice…do you think I am being unreasonable or do you think I should sell my land and sell our car? Please advice.

Anonymous

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Jzhane
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

10 COMMENTS

  1. My sister no sell anything let him go and look for money. You can sell if you’re sure you’re following him and that is to support not to bear the full cost.

  2. Don’t sell anything, infact go and hide the land document including the car document.

    That man doesn’t love you,when he travels,he will forget you,mark my words. No reasonable man will put his wife under pressure,for crying out loud, family should come first before japa. And you are pregnant,he is not even bothered about you and the baby,all he wants is to japa

    If I were you,I will be ready for anything,yes be ready for anything,he has already threatened divorce or separation.

    Madam use your brain,grab this advice and make use of it wisely. Sell land ko sell land ni,no be only sell mtcheeeeeeeeew. He is just an opportunist,he wants to japa with your resources abi,he is a man,let him go out and source for funds himself,as for his elder brother,sense is far from him, rubbish.

    God keep you and your baby,amen. Don’t think ooo,you don’t need it so it won’t affect you or your baby.

  3. Dear poster,
    I will advice u not to sell anything, your husband is acting childish, what kind of a Man will tell his wife : some women will sleep with another man to get money for the husband, that’s a stupid and a senseless statement, he doesn’t rate u at all…don’t be surprise after selling everything, he gets there and forget about u and his child…..don’t even try selling anything… it’s is well, peace dear….

  4. Make up your mind that the marriage has ended already and start making plans for yourself and child alone, that man is super selfish and he has zero consideration for you now do you think it is in far aways canada that he will care?

    I pray you find the strength and wisdom to handle this and make the right decision for your sake and your baby.

  5. First and foremost, it is wrong for you to want to use pregnancy to hold him down. You need to buckle your show and be strong , you’re about to become a mother. I know the process during pregnancy is not easy but please when telling someone else do not include the part of needing him now because you’re pregnant. Its not a good point. You’ve always known his dream is to travel so saying you need him now because you’re pregnant is what you should have thought about before marriage. The reason most marriages fail is because we fail to look at the future we only think about the present while making decisions. Do not sell anything for him please no matter what. We need to think of ways for him not to hate you because definitely he won’t see money before the date. Option(1) form serious sickness this period. Sickness that will make you go to your family to take care of you meaning you will need to leave the house. You need to leave the house to have rest of mind please. Make sure you hide the documents. Every pregnant woman is prone to have BP but once there’s no worry to bring it out it won’t come out. Please you need a positive environment,for yourself and unborn child. Don’t let what he says get to you please. Your car will be in your family house so obviously there will be no way for him to just go there to shout or pick it up. my thoughts. I come in peace. Remember worrying is not good for your health and unborn child.

  6. Dear poster, you’re selling nothing. Your husband is an opportunist. He doesn’t care about you. That’s why he wants all the possessions sold. I smell a rat. Just get ready for anything. If your husband could make reference to those sleeping around to sponsor their husbands abroad, then know that he can do anything to secure his place there even if it means marrying a foreign woman to do so.

  7. A man who put his satisfaction above that of his wife and unborn child is egotistical ,and that man should not be paid too much attention ,a man’s duty is first to his God and to his wife ,if there is a displacement of priorities is shows there is a catastrophe waiting to happen .

    listen to me real good ,don’t sell ur land or property even the car because ur husband wants to travel abroad , because chances are he values the abroad more than u ,look at it from this perspective ,what if he gets to abroad and see another woman who is willing to give him full citizenship to forever stay in abroad ,what do u think he would do ,huh ? of course the probability he would go with her is high because his deepest desire is to live in abroad not with his family members .

    u would have to involve his family members ,how can a man threaten to divorce u because of his inadequacy to fund his travel to abroad ,that means to him the marriage with u is less than going to abroad ,this is very bad .

    just like he has chosen to put himself first ,I suggest u consider ur self first in ur decision making , because If u sell ur land and the car and he travels there what about if he doesn’t come back what would u do ,huh ?

    for him to have even say that means there is a tendency he can leave u , because he must have been thinking of a possibility that he is able to leave u for him to make that kind of statement ,think for urself ,from what I understand u have even tried for him

    supporting him to travel even though it seem uncomfortable to u ,that’s a tough sacrifice ,but anything like selling land and property that belongs u ,it is a NO ,but don’t argue ur decision with him if not it would turn to another thing ,avoid it as much as u can , because he would be seeking for fault from u to which he can capitalize on .

    if he truly wants to travel let him go and take loan from the bank ,or what ever means he feels he can get ,but not ur property Biko .

    and remember for him to have threaten to leave u ,is also a possibility that he is capable of doing it .

    stand by ur Decision dear and prepare for the worst .

  8. My sister please be wise. That man meant no good for you and your unborn baby. His first responsibility is to his family: you his wife and your unborn baby. But he’s seriously blinded by his ego. That man is very selfish and can kill to achieve his desire. So I advise you forget about him and face your life and your unborn baby. Never you sell anything for his journey. Be blessed

  9. When he said other women are even sleeping with another man just to support his dream was when I knew that the person you called your husband has never loved you, even married you as a means to an end and it’s already manifesting. Dont you ever sell any of your property even as small as your phone just to support this trip except both of you are leaving together but asides that dont sell anything. See what his brother is even saying, if that guy travels he will forget about you. I wish you the very best.

  10. Middle of February is close, let him look for other ways to get the deposit to pay e.g. reaching out to friends who can give him a loan. What did he have in mind when he was applying , he should search. If He misses that date, ignore his negative words, try not to hear them , ignore his sulking, find ways to keep yourself happy and have your baby safely. He won’t leave the marriage, he’s just threatening but if he chooses to , it is his loss.

    He shouldn’t demand you sell a land gifted to you by your Father. He can sell any he received by inheritance if he has one.

    I understand his joy but the words he has used on you are not good. Sleeping with other men to fund his travel? Divorce? No!

    Don’t sell your land. If he desperately wants to sell the car, agree if the entire funds are paid to your account, take the 70 percent to invest in a smaller car especially because of your new baby on the way, he can use the 30 percent to pay His fees.

    If He can’t meet the February date, you can both look for ways to get the money and try again for February 24’ but this time taking the family together at once then , even then try to keep the land your Dad gave you if possible, the car can go. You are better off traveling together ideally so you study while he works to pay the fees. If he travels to study he only has limited hours he is allowed to work for how will he get the rest of the fees?

    You can discuss with your Pastor to help you communicate these to him. It seems his family is on his side so they may not be best suited to intervene.

    All the best

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