True Life Story: I Lost Interest In Our Marriage Because My Husband Emotionally Abandoned Me
Good day Lively Stones,
I don’t know where to start from but I must say that I am a very frustrated woman right now. I recently clocked 40 years old and I realized that my life is not where its supposed to be. I got married at age 32, a little late but I was a virgin at that age and I married a man who lied to me about everything.
Please imagine all the pressures I must have faced before I eventually married Marcel (not real name) at age 32. My parents, friends, society, everyone. I met Marcel none years ago and we got married 8 years ago. Our marriage was mostly me that was doing the funding. It was like he married me but did not want to do anything cos he knew my salary was way bigger than his.
My husband would send money to his family rather than give me money. Since I was financially ok, I did not mind. But one area that was a problem was affection. I noticed his affection for me started to dwindle as the years went by and I could not conceive a child. We have tried everything …or maybe I should say I have tried everything.
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From IVF to all kinds of fertility treatments, none has worked. My husband has low sperm count and I have hormone imbalance. I am on a lot of treatment to correct the hormone imbalance whereas, my husband is refusing any treatment, saying nothing is wrong with him.
Several times, we have come to the point of divorce because the childless situation is causing so much stress for both of us. My husband is not supportive. He is hardly at home, he blames me for our situation. His family blames me too. I am tired.
I want a divorce but my family is asking me to be patient. That if he wants, my husband should be the one to divorce. I think my husband does not want a divorce because he will be the one to loose…cos he will no longer have access to my money or the perks that come with being married to me.
When I found out that he was cheating, I died within me. No, he no longer sleeps with me or touch me. For the last 2 years, we barely even talked to each other. We are like strangers to each other. Still my parents say I should not file for divorce. Getting married as a virgin means my husband is the only man that I ever slept with…and for the past 2 years, there has been no S** between us. I have my S**ual needs and I want to be loved and feel like a woman.
Months ago, I was at the bank making a transaction when I had a little argument with the man on the que because he was trying to jump the que. When I finished from the bank, the man followed me to my car and apologized for his behavior. He then said he would like to take me out for lunch to make up.
Well, I told him no need cos I am married and he said its ok…its just lunch, hes not taking me on a date. My reaction would surprise you cos I am a married woman but my husband has not looked at me in a S**ual way in 2 years plus no one has pampered me by taking me to out to lunch in a long while.
I agreed and he took me to a posh restaurant. I felt like someone was giving me real attention for the first time in a very long time. After lunch, he told me that he has to tell me the truth …that he finds me really attractive and if not because I was married, he wanted to kiss me.
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My attention starved hormones started to disgrace me…I asked him to kiss me…he asked if I was sure…I said no but do it before I change my mind. That kiss led us to a hotel that evening and this man f*cked my brain out. I was so happy I cried. I broke down and told him everything I was going through in my marriage and he said I should not worry.
Lets call this man Jude (not real name). Jude was like no man should treat me the way my husband is treating me so he would want me to make him jealous by showing him that I also have man. So, it started like a game but I was getting drawn more and more.
Jude and I were meeting almost everyday to have S**. Yes, my husband noticed and began to act nicer to me but I didnt even want my husband to notice me because, I have started experiencing another level of S** that I did not know existed. Jude was a master at giving great S**…he taught me so many things and I was just in cloud 9. It didnt even feel wrong that I was f*cking another man.
About 2 month to my birthday, from meeting every day with Jude…he started saying he had meetings and we could only meet for once a week. I began to feel sad and Jude complained of me being too clingy…that its just an affair…he was right…I was in love with him…it was crazy but I was in love.
A month to my birthday, I discovered Jude was seeing another woman. I lost my cool. I became very jealous and almost ran crazy. Jude became angry and asked me to leave him alone and focus on my marriage. He said he is just a young guy of 28, that he is not ready for relationship, he will not allow me tie him down. Oh, I know the guy is young and does not want to be tied down but the thought of him with another woman was not something I could accept.
My husband threw me a surprise 40th birthday party but I was so sad that I told him that night that I wanted a divorce. My husband was surprised. That after all he went through to make me happy, I choose the night of my birthday to tell him I wanted a divorce. Yes, he has changed since he noticed I was getting male attention elsewhere but is that change enough? Does that forgive the many years he ignored me and abandoned me in this marriage?
Not my fault…he drove me to cheat…I discovered since Jude left me, I have not been myself. I realize I deserve better. I deserve a man who will love me, a man who loves to please me S**ually, a man who will make me laugh and genuinely care about me. Yes, it took cheating for me to realize that I deserve better.
My husband is begging me to give him a chance but I think that ship has sailed. After 8 years in marriage…do you really think this man can change and provide all that Jude has opened my eyes to? Divorce is not a popular option around this part of the world but how am I supposed to pretend that I did not have the best 7 months of my life…I am not about to go back to the emotional prison I was once locked up in.
My fear is, will I find another man like Jude? Am I just having a wishful thinking? I am 40 years old, no child, no love ….I have a husband but is he really husband material? Please advice me. Its a new year…
I want to start afresh…my life is not where it should be…not where I dreamed I would be…how do I get back on track…go ahead with my divorce….give myself some time to find myself and find someone else to love me? Or give my already doomed marriage a second chance?
Anonymous
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I can feel your pain Sis.
Even though it’s really not a good thing to advocate for divorce, know I’m not judging you.
You are the one who has worn the shoes for the past 8 years and knows where it hurts.
You’ve expressed many dissatisfactions in your marriage and now have a willing husband who’s just realizing that you’re his wife.
I want to believe that him throwing the surprise Birthday party was a way of trying to right some of the wrongs he’s done to you.
You see this thing called MARRIAGE my sister it’s not easy at all.
But with God it’s possible!
I suggest now that your husband is trying to reach out to you give the marriage a chance to survive.
All the issues you had with him from his emotional unavailability, not being supportive financially, not wanting to receive treatment for his low sperm count, even the cheating it’s now time to discuss them and state how you want things to be henceforth.
If he knows he’s ready to change according to the outlined terms then good and fine, if he’s not willing then tell him you’re in for a divorce.
Hang in there, it’s not over yet!
You can still have a blissful marriage no matter what has transpired.
It just takes both of you willing to work it out.
Prayers and counselling is another aspect that can help you both.
Stay blessed dear.
Why don’t you try again with your husband. Tell him want you want and let him make a commitment to you. Don’t conclude yet on your husband, give him another opportunity.
I agree with you my sister @Jane…