True Life Story: My Mental Health Is Deteriorating Because Of Lack Of S3x
Hi Lively Stones,
Please can you recommend a good s3x therapist for me and my husband please? Yes, we are having s3x problems in our marriage and I am very frustrated at the moment. I got married at age 25. My husband was my first and taught me all I know about s3x at that early stage. At the time, I can say, my husband’s libido was way higher than mine. It was such that I had all my 3 children under 3 years. People used to say that he is an odogwu who knows how to shoot sharp bullets.
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Our marriage has been relatively peaceful and happy until five years ago. We have been married for almost 13 years and I was thinking that as we grow older, the s3x will be sweeter especially because our children have grown bigger and I am no longer as occupied with them unlike when they were young children. But around five years ago, I noticed my husband’s s3x drive started declining.
At first, I thought it was just my thinking but a man that used to go at least two rounds of s3x could not longer even do up to five minutes of s3x. My orgasm became none existent. I started seeking ways to help our s3x drive. I made all kinds of aphrodisiacs with herbs that I read online. I made all kinds of things with ginger, garlic, tiger nuts, cloves and avocado,etc. He improved from like 5mins to 10mins only.
Then I thought it was maybe stress and age. My husband is like six years older than me. But I also began to notice he was taking vitamins for stress so why all these. I tried to ignore it but the fact was, I was not getting sexually satisfied. It was really really frustrating. We talked about it and he always promised to try his best. But in like six months, I only managed to get one orgasm in s3x that lasted between 8-10mins.
And that is how I landed myself in p#rn. I started using that to masturbate and pleasure myself. That gave me like a little satisfaction from the lack of proper s3x from my husband for almost two years. My problem now is that, I have done it so much that masturbation no longer satisfies me. P#rn no longer excites me. I yearn for the real thing. I am really frustrated and this is a cry for help.
That is why I need a s3x therapist…do you think that will help? My husband does not want to see a therapist cos I am sure this is embarrassing for him as a man. But what he does not know is that this problem is affecting my mental health. I am unable to function properly at many things cos I am always angry or depressed at the same time. I don’t know if other women feel the way I do but the lack of proper s3x makes me angry and cry so many times and this is affecting my productivity and happiness at the same time.
I snap at my husband, my children, my workers…..I can become very isolated and short fused. Now, when I look at other men, especially younger men, I start lusting after them. I am not crazy…It’s just passion and desire to feel whole as a woman I crave. For our wedding anniversary last month, I booked a romantic weekend for me and my husband in a five star hotel: I was ready to have some real fun.
Can you believe, the s3x was only one time and it did not even reach the normal five minutes. I got so angry that I threw the remote at my hubby. I attacked him and begged him to use his fingers to f#ck me…I just wanted to feel something…he tried but it was not working….I pushed him away and told him I will go out and find someone to f#ck me instead.
My husband was shocked and said what is wrong with me, that I am acting like an addict. I told him he was acting like I am not attractive to him anymore….I confronted him to know if there was another woman cos that was another fear I was nursing. My husband broke down and said, nothing is wrong and swore on our children’s lives that he is not cheating.
That was when I suggested a s3x therapist and he said he can’t embarrass himself like that. So, my husband said he has given me a pass, to have s3x with any man to fulfil my desires but on two conditions: that I must never do it without protection (condom) and secondly, no one must find out. My mouth was open in shock cos I never expected such to come from my husband.
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Clearly he sounds like wants to make me happy but this is too much. He asked me if he was the one feeling how I was feeling….will I allow him sleep with other men? Now, I am feeling guilty for pressuring him but that still does not help our s3x life. How do I convince my husband that going to therapy is what we need? Men, I know this is tough but is it not better than allowing your wife to f#ck other men? And the thing is, I don’t think I can live with myself if I sleep with another man. Permission or not.
Now, my husband is even testing me with this suggestion…and this makes me even angrier. My problem is still not solved. We are both young….is this how our s3x life will become none existent for the next 50 years? Even the five minutes s3x which is once in a month is not even exciting….its always missionary or doggy…I desire to have fun…I beg him to be a bit harder…more masculine…I think this man is tired of me…cos now, the more I complain…the more he locks up…
I need help…I need advise…what can I do? I need my husband to be the man of my dreams again.
Anonymous
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Dear poster Just remember relationship is about love, loyalty and trust, it’s all about having fun and enjoying each other… keep experimenting, stay open-minded, and most importantly, communicate with each other… you’ll find what works best for both of you…
Have fun spicing things up best wishes…
It could be stress, health, or just life getting in the way. Keep talking openly, it’s key. Maybe he needs a check-up, or you both need to unwind. Rekindle the romance with surprise dates, sexy texts, or even a couples massage can help. Talk about old times, go down the memory learn, watch pictures of when you guys were dating, talk about crazy experiences, etc..
Try not to be pushy don’t talk about his poor sex performance all the time, it will make him even more anxious which is not good for him.
Also check yourself out, if you are not in sharp, hit the gym, work out and look sharp and sexy for him….lots of married women justify their fat and out-of-shape looking body with excuse of giving birth to kids. Men still move by what they see….eye go chop first before his c…k will eat. Don’t be that type of woman….hit the gym, dress well, smell well and watch the magic happen…
The therapist idea is a good one….pursue it.
Also remember, it’s a two-way street – patience and understanding are essential.
Porn is not the way to way as it kills sexual drive even faster.
Read more on oral sex and what pleases you more, but don’t be selfish. you will surely get an improvement.
Dear poster, please, you need to calm down.
In your desperation to find sexual pleasure, have you considered how your husband feels?
Have you actually talked to him about it with concern, or you nagged about it?
Your husband might be going through a phase that has affected his libido.
I want you to patiently walk in it with him and try to work out a possible solution.
Don’t also forget to pray. Ask God to intervene. He will.
Dear poster,please be patient with your husband…. Since he’s not cheating on you,I feel he might be going through medical issues that he doesn’t want to disclose to you….. You husband is not too old not to perform his duties…
You need to find out what the issue is because he was never like this right from the very beginning ….. Please don’t cheat for now,sort out the issue first …. It’s well
Dear Poster,
Give your husband more time but fix your focus on knowing what could be troubling him.
Get medical check up so he could get help in time.
Ensure you are providing him with emotional support, be sexy, alluring and kind towards him all the time.
Pray for him, his heart and trust God to change the situation.
Continue to give him food that would improve his sex drive, healthy diet ( age appropriate) and his brain health.
Love him and focus on your kids, career, and family happiness ( togetherness).
It shouldn’t just be about you since he isn’t cheating. Drop toys and masturbation, they have expiry dates when they won’t work anymore and frustrates user.
Keep encouraging him to see therapists like mental, and sex.
All the best.