True Life Story: My Mother Does Not Like My Fiancé But Does She Have Any Right?
Good day Ma’am Lively Stones,
Please I need your advice. I will try to be brief cos its a long story. So, I am 22 years old, I graduated from OND this year and planning on continuing my HND from next year. I am engaged to be married to a guy I have been dating for the past two and a half years. This guy is a worker too, a nice guy and I love him so much. We have planned to get married next year February or March.
Recently, exactly six months ago, I reconnected with my biological mother. I was separated from her from age 3 when my parents divorced and my dad took me away to be raised by my step mom. My step mom was nice and truly my mom did not even care for me cos she never visited or called me for one day since she left my dad. I grew up not recognizing her as my mom really. The bitterness she and my dad had for each other was deep.
So, even when I tried to reach out to her when I was adult, she was very cold to me. That discouraged me too. Until six months ago, one of my maternal aunties reconciled us and since then, my mom has been trying to make up for lost time. What I discovered though is that my mom is a very controlling woman. I think its one of the reasons she and my dad did not work out.
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Ever since my mom came back into my life, she has been trying to control me….someone who has not been in my life for almost 18 years….how do you think you can come and control me…plus am not even a child anymore. She gets annoyed when I don’t call her…she shouts at me when she says something I don’t agree with….honestly, I have been trying to manage her.
My mom has no good thing to say about my dad…and my step mom…she curses them everytime…shes trying to make me h*te them. But I have told her that whatever issues she has with them, they have treated me well….so I cannot hate them. She says they have brainwashed me and made me not to listen to her but the truth is…she is the one trying to make people accept her own way or nothing else. She is very troublesome.
The major issue I have with her now, is that she does not like my fiancé. She says I am too young to marry…that I must finish my HND before marriage and she says the state where my fiancé is from are wicked people. Can you imagine that? First of all…I may be 22 but I am mature…apart from schooling, I also run a very profitable online business…plus since I have been dating my fiancé….he has been good to me and very supportive.
Even my dad and step mom loves my fiance….my future in-laws also love me. So how does the state that my fiancé came from make a difference when his entire family has accepted me and loves me? Everything that my fiancé has tried to make my mom accept him, my mom has refused. She does not answer his greeting. She keeps telling me that if I insist on marrying him, I will suffer in my marriage and that she will not attend the wedding and she will cut me off for disobeying her.
This her attitude is really upsetting me…I think this woman does not really love me….she does not deserve to be called my mom. Her attitude is really pissing everyone off but my fiancé is asking me to be patient….that he wants my mom to give her full blessing cos he knows she was not in my life for a long time…so he does not want me and her to be separated again.
Honestly, this is really annoying me….if this woman does not want to be in my life if she cannot control me…is it not better she stays out? What right does she have to tell me how to live my life…who to marry….she has been absent for 17 to 18 years….I cannot allow her to come and destroy my happiness. She is even saying on my wedding day, when I finally find who she approves….that she is the one that will pose as my mother…that my step mother who has been nothing but kind to me…will not attend the wedding.
Can you imagine….I have asked my dad several times….why is my mom so bitter? He says he does not know….but that she is not a good person…his family found it difficult to get along with her and they eventually separated. Now, is it wrong for a daughter to try to reconnect with her mother?
Why do I have to wait for her to accept the man I want to marry? How do I convince my fiancé that its not becessary….my fiancé is a nice kind man…he does not like wahala but how long do we have to wait until my mom gives her blessing? Its been six months and he still hates him.
My mom told him not to call her or send her Christmas gifts. She threw away the birthday gift he bought her in October. Please I have so much to say but because of time, and so I do not write too long…let me stop here….at least I have said the major thing….my mom wants to control my life….how do I manage this her irrational behavior? I also do not want to shift my wedding from latest March next year…how do I make her come around before then?
Please advice.
Anonymous
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My dear, you can go ahead with your wedding with or without your mum.
Your mum is only transferring the aggression she has for your dad and step mum to you oooo,be observant and careful.
Go ahead with your wedding and it must hold,she wasn’t present for 18years,and now she is trying to determine how you will live your life, abeg dey your dey and maintain your champion, no cross your lane ooooo.
Go ahead with your wedding,I wish you success in your wedding and marriage, nothing shall separate you and your wonderful fiance.
Your mum is even sounding like one who is into fetish and diabolical things ooo,so be prayerful and mind how you go close to her,be careful,be watchful,be guided,be vigilant and observant.
I wish you all the best as you further your education to HND level. God bless you and I love you .
Peace
I guess I’ll never understand why children go back to look for parents that never wanted them, I understand not believing the stories and wanting to find out for yourself but once you find them and they don’t seem happy to have you back what exactly are you still looking for there?
Your mum is toxic (if everything you said about her is true) and Anyone telling you to stick around her does not really care about your mental health, they just want to “look good” (so that you’ll say they are nice and trying to unify you guys).
Do what’s best for you everyone else will catchup.
This one should be in your blocked list like yesterday. How do you deal with such energy around you in this harsh economy? Abeg, has she ever mentioned to you to pray about this issue? What does she know about you? Your likes and dislikes? As someone has said from the comments, an absentee parent should remain where they Are. Any story you hear of someone reconnecting with their long lost parents always have some negative thing to say. There’s no need to tolerate them when they played no role in your upbringing. It’s not worth your peace of mind too.