True Life Story: My Mother In-law Is Suffocating My Marriage
Good day Lively Stones,
I need your help and prayers. I am facing to many challenges in my marriage. I got married last year to a man I met in my place of work. He was a security guard but a graduate. We got close because I really took interest in the fact that he is doing a security guard job despite being a graduate. He also was very kind to me. I found out that we are even the same age mate. We are both 33 years old.
Somehow, he also began to like me and he would tell me that if he had money, he would have married me. Finally, through my network, I got him a job as Security Manager in a hotel. Next thing, he started toasting me, telling me he wants to marry me. I liked him alot. He was very kind and helpful.
Then he told me he wanted to get married before the end of the year. I was ok with that cos age too is not on my side. We got married. We both contributed to the wedding but my contribution was more. I did not mind cos I earn higher than him. Our marriage went smooth until exactly two months after marriage. His mother started calling and asking me if I have missed my period yet.
Initially, I will laugh and say to mama ….that she should relax…that it will happen in time. This woman will say she got pregnant on her own wedding night and she sees no reason why I cannot get pregnant after marriage. That maybe I am too old to have children at 33. I thought it was a minor thing before I knew it…she carried her wahala to my husband…and he too began to monitor my period. Anytime my period came, he would get upset.
He would say I am disappointing him….that he knows he has strong sperm…and that there is no woman he sleeps with, that does not get pregnant …I was stunned at their behavior. But nonetheless…I went to the doctor for check up after the 4th month…the doctor cleared me and told me to bring my husband. My husband refused to go. This became quarrel. Mama too was in one corner adding fire to the matter.
I became sad anytime I saw my period too. We got married in November last year. In June, called me and said she has found a solution. That she will take me to a traditional doctor in their village. That she will come and pick me up for the appointment. I told her point blank…that I am not going to see any body in her village. My husband got upset and said he will deal with me if I do not obey his mother. The anger with which he handled the matter made me even more fearful that this was not ordinary.
I tried to talk to my husband. My pastor wife tried. He refused to listen. I told him as a Christian, its against my faith to go traditional…he said he too is a Christian and nothing wrong in seeking help from traditional gods. That colonization brought new religion which is not African. I told him I was scared…he said his mother cannot harm me…so I should have no fear …so I told him to give me sometime to think about it.
After thinking for about a week, he asked me if I was ready…I told him I was not convinced cos from the look…its clear that this was idolism they wanted me to get involved in. Hubby said ok…since I refused…anything he does…I should not blame him. In July, my husband started cheating with a woman in his workplace…he did not even hide it…he said he wanted to show me, that any woman he sleeps with will get pregnant. That almost sent me to my grave…I cried and cried until my heart hurt. I could not imagine how I got involved in this kind of marriage.
This same guy that was so kind and loving when we dated…how did he change so fast and become such a beast? everyone said I should pray…that its his mother’s influence….I agree…I never knew the mother did not like me…we only met twice before the marriage. Last month ending, my husband told me the girl he is sleeping with is pregnant but he wants her to abort…because he wants to give me one more chance to get pregnant before the end of the year.
I asked him how sure he is that he is the one that got the girl pregnant. He slapped me for saying that. He began to boast of how many girls have done abortion for him. That they are not less than 8. That I should go and ask them. That I sued jazz to charm a young man like him to marry an old person like me…that the only way is for me to submit to his mother, so they can counter the jazz that is making me not get pregnant. Can you imagine?
My husband said its a taboo in their family….that any woman who gets married into the family must be pregnant…any infertile wife will be sent away. So, am I fertile? I told him the doctor cleared me…he said that is onyibo medicine…I have to do traditional medicine. That is is not effective…that any woman who uses the traditional medicine must get pregnant immediately.
Please help me. If I do not get pregnant before the end of the year…my marriage will be over. I am afraid of going to see the traditional doctor in that village. Sometimes, I wonder if I should I go and see the woman? Maybe there is something wrong with me? Since my hubby got someone else pregnant…maybe its really me.
All these wahala is bothering me. My church is praying and fasting for me. Going traditional, is it not against my Christian faith? my family is saying if they insist on this mama’s way, then I should start thinking of leaving the marriage…they are also disappointed that after waiting for so long to marry…that this is the kind of man and mother in-law I ended up with. His own siblings in the village are supporting their mother and brother.
I am tired, afraid and exhausted. Did I make a mistake by marrying? Now I understand why some women wish their mother in-law is not alive…see my marriage is not even up to a year…see how this woman is controlling my husband and trying to suffocate me…this man has forgotten how I helped him…truly this must be the work of juju..no day goes without my mother in-law sending me message or calling me to taunt me.
What am I going to do? Do you think I use pray and go for the traditional medicine or start preparing for the end of my marriage? oh my God where are you…what have I done to deserve this?….oh please me…please help…
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