True Life Story: My Wife Betrayed Me-Will Love Or Pride Conquer All?
Hi Lively Stones,
I am a very sad man. I just lost my wife of six years. I feel pained and the hurt is too much to bear. My wife and I are best friends. We met through one of my high school friends: Dede. Dede met my Wife Susan on a trip and they became friends but Dede was married at the time, so he introduced me to Susan. Susan is a fine class woman. Very high standards but also very down to earth.
Naturally, Dede was our family friend through out our marriage. Dede had a falling out with his wife three years later, they eventually divorced because the wife’s family put too much pressure on them. Dede had been single since. We been trying to encourage him to remarry but he says he is good. No need for marriage again. He has been wanting a single dad since to their 4 year old daughter.
Sometimes, Dede’s daughter spends holidays with us. We have a 3 year old son. Another tragedy befell Dede. His twin brother passed on and he was really thrown into depression for a while. My wife and I tried our best to be there for him. He was drinking alot to drown his sorrows. We decided that it was best for his daughter lives with us for sometime since he was going through alot.
Four months ago, Dede turned 40. My wife and I threw him a 40th birthday celebration. It was my wife’s idea which I supported. Dede needed a reason to be happy for once. After the party, I had to travel to SA for a business deal. I was out of town for six weeks. I asked Dede to check on my family since he was like a brother to me after all.
I do not know the full details but when I returned from my trip. My wife was acting very strange. I asked her what happened and she asked me to sit down. I did … and that was when she told me that something happened while I was away. She broke down and started crying, telling me it was her fault and that I should not blame Dede….I was like, blame Dede? What in God’s name happened?
According to her, she wanted to take the children out (Dede’s daughter and our son). Dede offered to join them. They all went out for some fun and movies. They returned to my place and were gisting. The gist somehow went towards Dede finding a woman in his life cos he needs to move on…from that gist, they started talking about his dating life and how is he single being a fine young man that he is.
Dede told my wife that he wishes he found someone exactly like Susan my wife. Susan was like, ah…that is cute but you know am your second wife, abi, am I not raising your son for you? Dede took that complement the wrong way and started making advances at my wife. Susan said she thought he was joking but he became strong and started reaching for her clothes to take them off.
According to Susan, she tried to stop him as best as she could but she did not want to scream cos the children would hear and he did not want them to see what Uncle Dede was doing. She allowed him eventually. She said immediately after, Dede began to apologize, saying he does not know what came over him. That he had fantasies about having s3x with Susan but he never meant to actually let it happen.
There I sat…this story was not making sense…why was my wife placing the blame on herself? Did she lead him on really? By a simple joke of you know am your second wife? Haba…that is not adding up. I did not know how to act truly but I was filled with rage and wanted to kill Dede. I just broke down…me and my wife were crying. I wanted to tell her it was alright but I felt so betrayed, the next thing that came out of my mouth was:
Please get out of my house. I want a divorce. Dede came to the house the next day. He was like:bro…it was all my fault. I know you have done so much for me and you do not deserve this but I ask you to forgive Susan, she is a priceless jewel, don’t loose her because of my stupidity. I gave him a piece of my mind. I gave him several blows and told him to get out of my house with Susan cos clearly, he has had an eye for her since day one. He probably had been dreaming of her even when he introduced us.
Susan and Dede are the most important people in my life. There is no way I can carry on this marriage without feeling hurt. I told Susan to leave. And that decision almost killed me. My wife left eventually. And a big hole was dug in my heart. Dede has been begging me not to let Susan go but I have refused to listen. I told both of them that they are both dead to me.
By the beginning of this month, Dede called me to tell me that if I refuse to take Susan back, he will seek to ask her to marry him. I was like: that confirms my suspicion. Dede has always been in love with Susan and Susan made it easy for him.
Then, I called Susan and told him what Dede said, she responded by saying, I love you honey but I cannot stand you looking at me like I hurt you intentionally….I made a mistake and I will regret it for the rest of my life. But you alone can decided to forgive me or not. If you refuse to forgive me, I will leave, because I cannot stand to see you hurt. So, if Dede wants me, I will not refuse but you my love, is my first choice.
I believe Susan, that she truly made a mistake…I know in my heart that she loves me. Susan is not one to lie, its not in her character. Susan does not condone lies that is why she even told me what happened behind my back. I have seen her deal with dishonest people in the past and I know she is as true as can be. The thought of her considering Dede is driving me insane too.
When I asked Susan, why did you tell my about it, why did you not hide it from me, especially because its only one time. She said: if I hide it from you, Dede will keep coming back and you deserve to truth, whether it hurts or not. You are my husband and I do not want to hide anything from you. Is this woman whyning me? I know she could have kept this a secret but maybe she also wanted me to react very angry so she and Dede can leave to be together?
So I ask, how do I forgive her and not totally loose her to Dede? Dede is the one who truly betrayed me and I understand he is in a dark place in his life and he must have confused his feelings for my wife…but giving him a free hand now to take my wife is something I cannot allow. My pride will not allow me accept my wife but my love for Susan will also not allow me loose her. How do I get past these feelings of pride over love?
What if I am being blinded by love? Will I ever be able to forgive and forget if I follow my love? I know men do not forgive cheating wives…will I be seen as a weak man if I do? My heart is completely broken. My beautiful family is slipping away from my hands. Please advice me.
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