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True Life Story: My Wife Does Not Love Me-She Gave me Permission To Have A Side Chick

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True Life Story: My Wife Does Not Love Me-She Gave me Permission To Have A Side Chick

Hello Lively Stones house,

I think ,my wife does not love me. After five years of marriage, I have come to realize that my wife is not in love with me. This is very painful and I want to end this marriage. My wife is a former model. I say former because when I met her, even though she was a model, she was not actively modelling anymore. In her younger years, she was a model for top brands. But as she got older, she went more into acting movies and less modelling.

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That was when we met. Yes, she is a very beautiful woman. I give it to her. I was swept by her. I too, I did not dull, I swept her off her feet too. Before we got married, she told me that she did not want more than 2 children. She said because she wants us to give full attention to the children instead of having plenty children we will not be able to give full attention to. The plan made sense to me and I agreed.

When we got married, I noticed my wife is a diet and gym freak. She does not like to add any weight at all…well, as an actress, she needs to look great cos her body is what she uses for acting which is her career. When she got pregnant, she was not happy she was putting on weight. Soon as she had our first daughter, she started fitness to gain her body back.  She wanted to look slim and slender quickly.

I praised her for her dedication to looking good…after all, that is why I married her. Before our baby was one year, my wife quickly got pregnant. She said she wanted to have the two children quickly so she can do tummy tuck and close the chapter of child bearing. That was when I began to feel like she was doing too much. She had our second baby, another girl. I was hoping for a boy so I asked her if we can try one more time, maybe we will have a boy.

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My wife refused vehemently and said she is not having more than 2 children. That she told me before marriage. That boy or girl are the same children. I agreed with her that all gender children are from God and I am grateful but since we are young, nothing wrong in trying one more, just to see if we can have a boy. She then said, what if we try again, we have another girl, I told her I will accept it as the will of God.

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yet, my wife insisted she is not having any more children. I bought her a car, gifts, gave her plenty money …just to persuade her to do this one thing for me. Instead, she took my money to go and do tummy tuck. So she can get her perfect modelling shape back. All of a sudden, she started talking of going back to modelling career again. I was surprised because even though I support her career or any business she wants to do, the modelling is not something I met her doing actively…

Modelling requires a lot of travelling and she has to be in shape all the time. I told her there is no need to go back to modelling…except she wants to be a fashion model that does not require her to be slender like other models. My wife got angry and said I was not supporting her ambitions. I kept quiet. After two years, I brought up the issue of trying for a baby boy and she flipped and said I do not want her to follow her dreams, cos knowing that she has done tummy tuck cos she is done giving birth.

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My wife went to report me to her mother who is supporting her as well. My mother in-law said I know she told me she wants only 2 children and I agreed. The mother made it look like I did not appreciate the 2 girls we had and I told her I appreciate the girls but I know there is nothing wrong in desiring a boy child and if she is thinking we will have another girl, we can do IVF to determine the gender of the baby, to make sure its a boy. My wife refused.

This made me very sad. I love my girls but I just want to try to for a boy. Someone told me about having a surrogate to carry the baby if you cannot carry your own baby. When I told my wife, she started crying, saying I am disturbing her, making her have emotional stress with the way I am demanding she had another baby. To me, I feel my wife is selfish. She only wants what is best for her. She does not think about my feelings and that means, she does not love me.

My wife is 27 years old. She is still young…why can’t she try for one more baby if her husband wants one more baby? Its her body I know but lets use surrogate…she said she is not emotionally ready for another child. After seeing all the trouble this argument keeps bringing, I decided to leave her alone. But I feel bad and feel neglected. Our marriage started suffering. We both started ignoring each other.

For almost three months, we did not sleep with each other. One day, I called her and asked her, how she is able to sleep knowing she has not had s3x with her husband for three months. This woman replied saying, s3x is not food. That since I do not want to stop the talk about having another baby, she cannot does not want to keep having emotional stress…that I am the source of her emotional stress.

ALSO READ: My Wife Denied Me For Five Years- How Do I Avoid Having A Side Chick?

If you see the way I opened my eyes looking at her in surprise…wondering if this is really the wife I paid her bride price and married? I asked her what she wants me to do in terms of s3x cos I am a man…my wife opened her mouth and said: do what your fellow men are doing….go and get yourself a side chick and stop disturbing my life. Ha….I could not believe my ears.

After that day, I concluded that my wife entered this marriage not because she loved me…maybe she just wanted to be married. Now, she is married and has children…she does not need me anymore. Our s3x life is completely dead. I tried to even play with her ,but she pushes me away. When I insist that if she does not allow me, I will divorce her, she will allow me but she will not let me cum inside her.

Anytime I come inside her, she will be shouting and saying I want to get her pregnant. I told her to use contraceptive….she said it makes her gain weight…so she said either I used condom or we no longer have s3x if I cannot pull out. Its like I am begging my legally wedded wife for s3x. I got exhausted and decided to take matters into my own hands by getting a side chick….I thought my wife would even feel remorse when she sees the side chick….my wife did not even care.

In fact, if I touch my wife…she will tell me to stop disturbing her…that my side chick is not doing her job well. One day, I brought the side chick home, to make my wife feel the height of jealousy. My wife just packed her things to the guest room and continued like nothing is wrong. The Side chick was the one who opened my eyes….this chick told me….that my wife does not love me if she does not care if I bring another woman into my house to f*ck.

So, now, its clear to me….maybe she has a guy that she is seeing…I love my wife but she does not love me. I cannot force any woman to love me…just because I said I want a boy child or one more child…that is why my loving wife turned her back against me? even now, I am not talking about the third child again but she does not want to have s3x with me without condom because she says I am trying to get her pregnant.

Me, I do not know what to do anymore….I have come to the lively stones house to advise me. My family have said I should divorce her. I for one, I am against divorce cos I know its bad but what other choice do I have? Can any married man be in my shoes and still be in such a marriage?

Anytime I bring up divorce, my wife will say I start shouting, that I am a wicked man, that I deceived her, she told me she wanted only 2 children, now I am forcing her to have another child….she has told anyone who cares to hear and being a woman, people tend to take sides more with her….can you imagine some people sided with her that I should use condom?

Why will a married man be using condom for his wife? Is she a prostitute? Should I not be allowed to have s3x the way I want in my marriage? What has this world turned into? If shes really wanting to prevent pregnancy, there are many options for contraceptive to prevent pregnancy but she will be shouting its making her fat or not good for her health…bla bla bla.

If my wife does not care about my feelings and is not sleeping with me….what else will bring me joy in this prison called marriage?

Anonymous

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Jzhane
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

9 COMMENTS

  1. Dear poster, you made a mistake by getting a side chick, also your wife is quite selfish, marriage is all about compromise, there’s nothing wrong in trying one more time,.Your wife isn’t matured yet, you shouldn’t have gone for a side chick, try talking to someone you know she can listen to then apologize to her for going for a side chick, give her the assurance that you won’t bother her again after the 3rd trial, when talking to her :try connecting with her, talk to her as if you are speaking with her soul..when you talk to her calmly and with love, she will open up to you….peace bro.

  2. Sorry for what you are going through, your wife is indeed a selfish person. She only cares for herself,her feelings and her body.

    Here is the deal,your wife does not longer love you,the marriage is as good as dead.
    * She talks about her body all the time
    * She says you have to always use condom or do the withdrawal method,who does that in marriage?
    *Her job is more important than you and the family.
    * Her mother is not helping matters,how can a mother be like that?
    *You even brought in a side chick yet she didn’t care,haaaaa, this woman is just not interested in you and the marriage oooooo.

    Advice- Don’t divorce her ,you can go your separate ways,let her go back to her mother’s house she needs space to do what she likes,she doesn’t understand marriage and commitment,she needs to learn her lesson and then come back to her senses.

    Let her stay with her mother that is supporting rubbish, yeye mother. Please talk to her on how you can be seeing your children,just observe and see if she will change and come back to your terms,if not ,abeg face front and ask God to give you a better woman. You got married to her when she was so young@22,so she needs to explore and do her shakara well well.

    It is well my brother

  3. I would blame your wife if you people didn’t have this conversation before marriage or if you didn’t agree and she still went ahead to marry you. But with this story, you are the one being unreasonable.

    She kept to her part of the agreement, she had the 2 children.

    You are the one who married her for selfish reasons. Otherwise why now? Why accept one thing and now because you feel she is already in the marriage you want to because of “entitlement” change what both of you agreed on?

    I know of a couple who were inlove but decided they can’t marry because one wants a child and the other didn’t.
    It is you who is being selfish and entitled for making her believe you agree with her whereas you don’t.

    • This doesn’t explain why he has to use a condom to have sex with his wife… Dont be dramatic and one sided here please.

  4. First of all , you agreed wit her to have just two kids regardless of the gender , so why are you now pestering her to give you another child , I don’t support her advising you to get a side chick though but notwithstanding you shouldn’t have listened to her advice cos she’s definitely going to use it against you later , just give her time and talk to her , I’m sure you know what she loves so try ur best to still convince her and give her good reasons but divorce isn’t an option ok ,and don’t listen to ur side chick that’s advising you oooo hmmm ……may God intervene ….peace

  5. There was an agreement and it’s imperative on both parties to keep to it.
    If any of you wants to veer from it, you must go about it in a way that the other party would understand.
    You have not played your card well at all.
    There’s a way you would have gone about this issue, that, she will be the one wanting another baby, probably a boy this time.
    But no, you allowed your male ego to rule you and spoil the whole thing.
    You not only started demanding for another baby, but, also went and brought in a side chick. Like seriously .
    What some men don’t know is that a woman with principles can stay a whole year without s8x. You don’t threaten such women with s8x.
    To now add salt to the injury, you went and brought in a side chick to your matrimonial home. Does that show love on your part, oga?

    If you truly love your wife as you claim and you want your marriage to work, you must swallow your pride and go back to the drawing board.
    Ask your wife to forgive you for veering from the agreement. Apologize for having a side chick and bringing her into your matrimonial home. Seek for her forgiveness seriously. Make her relax and happy with you again as before.
    It is after winning back her heart and love that her body can respond.
    Do you pray? If you do, on your own, pray to God what you want. The good God can touch her heart and turn it around. Then God can also answer your prayers for a male child.
    Shalom

  6. Dear Poster,

    With marriage, communication is key. Communication does not just mean one person talking and the other person listening. It involves compromising….it involves bowing to a superior argument.

    When you were dating your wife….did you not notice that when she makes a decision, she does not go back on it? She strikes like the very determined and ambitious type. She has set her path in life and nothing can distract her.

    Little red flags like when someone always wants to be the last say or final comment shows someone who will not shift their grounds to consider other’s opinion. You should have picked that up and maybe you could have decided before marriage if you could live with that trait in a wife before marrying her.

    So, as it is…you need to ask yourself….remove her ‘stubbornness’…would you still love her? She is a strong willed woman….can you manage her? YOU CANNOT RIDE OR CONTROL HER!….do you still want to build a future with her?

    She wants to have se with you…she wants no more babies….boy or girl…can you give up that desire for her? Maybe you could do a vasectomy to convince her you are fine with the number of children.

    Well, if you do a long and hard soul searching and you cannot compromise (clearly, she is not one to compromise in the name of marriage), then you have to pray for her. Pray for God to touch her and wait as much as you can wait for her to perhaps, have a change of heart in the new future. Miracles still happen in marriages but it may take time…are you willing to wait it out?

    Give it some time…maybe a couple of more years before you decide if its best to dissolve the marriage due to irreconcilable differences.

    In the meantime, pray and show her love irrespective….try to assure her of your pull out game or use some sensitive condoms for best experience. That is the price to pay if you do not want to give up on your marriage.

    No two marriage are the same. Some do not have sex and its not because they do not want to…they cannot due to health issues….yet they have agreed to be happy in spite of all….some marriages are childless…yet they are happy. Some have children as many as football field…they may not be happy.

    Your happiness is in your hands…take it back by working on your marriage’s imperfections ….try and build trust and understanding. If she loves you…in the near future…she may shift her ground…

    Shes just 27….there is plenty time ahead in the future for her to change her mind and if she do not…take it and still be happy.

    Think deep and pray well before taking any decision. Please throw away the idea of side chick even if she does not mind. She may be focused more on her career…or she may have a side piece of her own….

    But if you change your strategy…you may win her back

    And if you cannot win her back after you have made sure to give her reasonable time….then you can lawfully take your decision ….considering you have done everything with your power, you have tried God’s intervention, maybe even a marriage therapy program…if all failed, then you can take the decision that is best for you and for your children and for God.

    Best Wishes,

    Jzhane

  7. Sorry you had to go through this episodes in your marriage. But I would add you are not innocent in this matter, you pestered her into letting you get a side chick, so sad.

    You are selfish, your wife is more self centered. You could have just loved your 2 girls and given her time to herself but you chose to pester her for more kids. You pushed her into wanting to make her self a model.

    she gave you two kids the least you could do was to support her career wise and give her space, your ego failed you. You then decide to get serious with your side chick game, bringing her to the house.
    You married her for her looks selfishly, if only you dug deeper to know how she keeps fit and her sex life you would have understand better on what you are getting yourself into. I stress on sexual compatibility of couples before marriage, this is another area you went wrong. You love sex and derived ‘Joy’ from it but ended up marrying a woman who can stay months without sex and even worst her notion about sex and fat.

    You now want to use the divorce card on her. Like it is just your feelings that matters…

    ‘If my wife does not care about my feelings and is not sleeping with me….what else will bring me joy in this prison called marriage?’

    Man, you have 2 lovely girls…why would you even say this???????

    It is just sad man…. My advise, since your wife is strong-willed and keep to her side of an agreement, talk to her regarding the sex life, probably you guys would come up with a timetable for sex, not condom but sex sex, support her in her quest for modelling and stay away from side chicks for now.

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