HomeAdviceTrue Life Story: My Wife Is Selfish & Refuse To Compromise

True Life Story: My Wife Is Selfish & Refuse To Compromise


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True Life Story: My Wife Is Selfish & Refuse To Compromise

Dear Lively Stones,

I need your advise. My wife and I have been married for two years and a few months. I can say everything is ok so far…my wife is a reserved woman, she grew up in a sheltered home, she is an introvert and hardly had any social life when she was growing up. We met when she accompanied her sister to a wedding, we sat on the same table. I noticed she hardly spoke but she smiled very beautifully when she met my eyes.

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So, I shot my shot…I asked her name….she was so shy to even reply…I figured she was a prude or a virgin. I did not even want to pursue her further but she whispered something into her sister’s ears…her sister told me that she said I am very handsome. Well, the rest is history. I followed her up…of course she was inexperienced cos she only had one boyfriend before me.

There were times I did not even want to continue the relationship cos I was scared of hurting her….she was too innocent and loving at the same time. My family loved her immediately. My mom especially. It was me that was now scared cos she was not my type of girl…I am used to girls that are extroverts, bold, s3xy and wild. I found it hard to adjust to this simple fine babe…

Even s3x during dating, she did not allow me until like 4 months after dating. She was even shy with s3x. I liked a girl who expresses herself during s3x. So, I found it hard and tried to explain to her that I do not think our personalities match one hundred percent. But I also loved her cos she was bringing a certain calmness to my spirit. This made me somehow feeling choked and I deliberately dumped her after one year.

ALSO READ: True Life Stories: How I Discovered My Wife Has Been Faking Orgasm

I told myself that I did not want to break her heart…she was too soft and fragile….I loved living large. But the next following months was miserable for me. She too was very hurt and somehow depressed but I tried to move on. I moved on but in the quiet of my heart, I missed her alot. So much…everyone also did not make it easy…they kept abusing me, that I let a good girl go. That if I wanted her to be wild like the girls I loved, I should teach her.

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So, after giving it a long thought…I went back to her. Of course, she did not want anything to do with me cos she saw me as a bad guy who broke her heart for no reason. With alot of begging and persuading, we eventually got back together. We got married at the end of the year.  It has been beautiful and I tried to teach my wife a few things but I realize its not something you teach someone….its an individual thing.

I don’t want to go into too much details cos I do not want to embarrass my wife…she also reads lively stones blog. But a few things like oral s3x, being freaky, my wife does not feel comfortable about it. It took us several attempts for her to even try doggy style with me…she just wants missionary all the time. Also, she does not like to go out. I like clubbing…so I go out and she does not disturb me. She is perfectly fine being by herself indoors.

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The challenge is, even as a married man, I frequently get attention from ladies that I fancy…and I struggle trying to put them off cos I want to be faithful to my wife. But my wife does not appreciate what I am sacrificing cos she still remain her normal self…not wanting to change….she will say that I know the type of person she is before I married her. So, I stopped disturbing her and decided to catch my fun with ladies…not to sleep with them, but just to flirt…you know…just to catch the excitement.

My wife did not mind me going out to club but she has a problem with me meeting other ladies …she says I might end up sleeping with any lady I flirt with…which is true…so I asked her why is she punishing me…she is trying to make me a house husband…my wife is saying I can go out…drink with my buddies but no flirting with any girl. We both know that is difficult so I lied to her a few times, when I went clubbing…if she asked me if there were girls around me, I would tell her no.

A month ago, I went clubbing and things got crazy…there was this wild girl I almost ended up sleeping with…I did everything with her….even smoked with her but God helped me, I was able to stop myself from penetrating her. I went home and because I was still high and in the mood, I went for my wife…I wanted her so bad…as I started to move with my wife, she started to resist me…I wanted to s*ck her…I wanted her to do the same for me…I wanted to finger her…etc…my wife kept resisting me.

That is not fair…I don’t know if women will appreciate it but most guys will understand me…I want my wife the way I want that bad girl outside…I dont want to have s3x with a good girl…I want a slut …I want her to say dirty words when I am f*cking her…I want her to let loose…I want her to explore…I want her to be my b*tch….I have explained this to her in words and actions yet my wife has resisted all my efforts.

I was so mad that night that I told her I regret marrying her. She cried and we both did not speak to each other for one whole week. She did not even make any effort to settle our quarrel. I am frustrated and I do not want to have any issues in my marriage that will lead to divorce or cheating but my wife is bent on not reasoning with me ….so please tell me…what else can I do?

Maybe she will read this and her fellow women here can advise her cos she is not being wise….that is how women drive their husbands to the hands of other men. So, my wife is claiming I am trying to turn her into something she is not…but is that not what marriage is all about? compromise….I would not have married her but I love her …so I compromised by marrying her …thinking she would compromise a little to my kind of personality.

At this point…if she cannot compromise,…what are we then doing? Am I asking her for something impossible? I just want to have s3x with my wife the way that I enjoy….what is wrong with that? I tried to let her watch films like fifty shades …do you know my wife will be covering her eyes when an intense s3x scenes comes on any movie we are watching? I blame myself for thinking anyone can change for someone they love. I also blame her upbringing….her parents for locking her up so much as a child. Then she went to private university….no social life at all. No exposure whatsoever.

I really feel I made a mistake….in my wife’s eyes…I am a s3x p*rn star…or I am expecting her to be a p*rn star….and that is true….I want a p*rn star (which man does not want that)…that is what I like…always liked….but I am not saying it has to be like that everyday….at least once in a while….be a p*rn star to spice yp your marriage….man, someone needs to teach these innocent women that being a virgin is not what keep a man in marriage….be fun and be an explorer….who wants to eat rice every day of their life.

Women need to be spontaneous and adventurous in marriage….all that holy holy and innocentie is not enough….e be like I truly f*ck up…like I am really forcing her to change to what she does not like….when I talk about it…she begins to cry that I am being unreasonable…that she cannot become someone else over night so I can be satisfy myself…that what about how she feels….my wife thinks we are not sexually compatible and I am putting her under pressure….e be like I don enter one chance.

Please advice.


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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. First of all not every man wants a pornstar as a wife ,on the contrary u are right u probably married the woman who was not ur type ,but rather another person type , just like u like wild Women not every man loves wild woman ,some prefer their women to be reserved ,so what can be done ?

    Understand that in marriage u are supposed to marry who u feel compatible with ,don’t marry because u feel she is good ,if u love bad girls ,go for bad girls ,if u love good girls don’t go for pornstars , thinking u can change them when u marry ,most attimes dont work ,u are just frustrating that good woman u have as a wife , because of ur inability to properly define what u wanted in a woman.

    U don’t have the power to change anybody thats what most people in relationship don’t know , people change because they want to change on their own accord and from my point of view ur wife isn’t willing to change so easily ,maybe she needs more time to adjust ,as everything u are trying to make her do is something that she has one time or the other hate ,or seen as evil, clandestine to her ,so it takes time to change her mentality .

    If u really want her to be a pornstar ,why don’t u try getting sex journals ,or book that promote those kind of sex or wild lifestyle then u guys read it together ,we often become what we read,and probably whatever movie would promote what u want ,make her comfortable with watching it , remember she feels this things are wrong maybe because of her faith ,u must find a way to use that as a means to make all those things (oral or anal) comfortable with her.

    Mind u ,u are very lucky ,many men want what u have ,I can emphatically say this ,once a woman is too wild ,or have too many sexual partner many men don’t take her serious , because it speaks very poorly of her .

    Give her time she is not stressing u self ,don’t forget u have a treasure ,it is better she is naive than she is over exposed or have too many sexual experience .

    To a very large extent ,u know it would be hard for ur wife to cheat on u ,but u see those club ladies ,we know them very well ,they are hardly committed ,just like it is very easy for them to mingle with u ,it is also easy for them to mingle with other guys as well ,so count urself lucky and stop complaining .

    Just be patient with her ,and remember she atleast have loosen up to a large extent at least she is giving u doggy now maybe just to please u ,or she is trying new stuff with u which she wasn’t doing before ,so be patient man .

    If u lose her ,I doubt u would get her type that easy again , Because they are like gold ,had to find by in these generation .

    Ur wife is some men’s prayer points don’t forget that

  2. What do men really want? You knew she wasn’t your kind,yet you went for her.

    It is either you change and become a good man who does not club and hangout with wild girls or you separate from her.

    It is obvious you both are not compatible,you can’t suddenly turn her into what she is not.

    Stay faithful and manage her kind of person or separate from her. Choose one

  3. You both have part to play in this issue. Man, you must stop complaining and lady must stop saying she can’t change. You both knew each other before you got married. So why can’t you as the husband change, and why can’t the wife be open to change.
    She should stop the sentimental cry’s and face the reality, which is how can each person compromise to make the marriage work. You both need a therapist and as the husband, you must be patient enough for the process.
    Also you can talk to someone she respects or values their opinions on marriage, so they can coach both of you. Marriage is hard work and sacrifice from both party

  4. Nawa ooo. This life no balance. this is the kind of ladies most men are looking for. SOme people have meat in their mouth but no teeth to masticate the meat, while some other people have teeth but no meat to chop.

  5. You just kept blaming your wife, to me you are an irresponsible man bro, when it comes to advising men, I go all out to tell the the bitter truth. You want her to be your bitch, you want to finger her, suck her vagina and want to suck you too.

    I think you must have been molested by an older woman or women or you were once addicted to porn, bro you have a problem, you smoke, you club, you drink, you flirt with women and you keep making excuses for such flirting, i I hope when your wife flirts with men you too will understand.

    The earlier you come back to your senses the better, why is sex such a big deal for people, she only likes missionary, is it still not sex, I’m so disappointed with you because you just blamed your wife all through, that woman did nothing wrong to you, but your greed is what is manipulating you.

    I hope you don’t regret



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